What rotten luck..

[Creamybutter]

why is it that I usually never like the guy who likes me and he keeps pursuing me and asking me out...and then I finally get fed up and become distant/cold towards them to discourage them, which inturn makes them dislike me, which makes me feel terrible.

 

And meanwhile, the other guy you like keeps showing signs that he may like you back but never asks you out, and then you flirt your butt off to encourage them, but they dont do anything either because the're too shy or not really interested or whatever the reason....

 

and Finally you're left single and feeling bad about both the situations.

 

WHAT IS IT THAT I DO WRONG??!!!

[Cid]

Just take it easy you will find someone that you like. It just takes time.

[rabbitskin]

It sounds like you need to be more direct. I don't know how old you are, but this is something that seems to come with time and experience.

With the first guy, the very first time he asks you out, state simply that you are only interested in him as a friend. Be firm but nice. If he brings it up again, say that your opinion hasn't changed, end of discussion. Don't go cold or hide your feelings, or try to discourage them with anything other than a firm 'no'.

I'd go direct with the other type, too. Ask him out, if he says that he only wants to be friends, accept that. Life is too short to waste time flirting your butt off with someone who isn't interested. The only way to know for sure is to ask.

[trash mail]

nothing to do with luck it is about the way to handle things.

You only make yourself feel bad because of the way you handle situations. Maybe you can take a look at other approaches

.

[Pegasus]

And meanwhile, the other guy you like keeps showing signs that he may like you back but never asks you out, and then you flirt your butt off to encourage them, but they dont do anything either because the're too shy or not really interested or whatever the reason....

QUOTE]

 

Just ask that guy out - life is too short to play stupid games.

 

Okie

[Batya33]

It's called "dating." The choices are - be in the dating scene, develop a thick skin, and keep as positive as possible that at some point something will click (including continuing to work on yourself as far as how you interact with people). The other choice is not to be in the dating scene which is a lot more peaceful but of course means that you won't be in a relationship most likely (not the worst thing, just a different choice).

 

Should the men you reject come to the same conclusion as you do - that they have no luck in dating - just because you have rejected them?

[Stari]

And meanwhile, the other guy you like keeps showing signs that he may like you back but never asks you out, and then you flirt your butt off to encourage them, but they dont do anything either because the're too shy or not really interested or whatever the reason....

Take pride in that you must have a good quality since he is friendly to you.

 

A woman I have been friendly to has recently turned cold towards me and I suspect that it could be because I haven't made a move at her. In the past I have considered acting, but she is overweight where the bonus weight is around her tummy, which unfortunately is a turn off to me.

 

However, despite her weight, I still thought that she was a bit pretty so my friendliness was my way of complimenting her on that.

 

Getting one's hopes up is what messed it up. So ask out the guy you're interested in.

[Batya33]

Take pride in that you must have a good quality since he is friendly to you.

 

A woman I have been friendly to has recently turned cold towards me and I suspect that it could be because I haven't made a move at her. In the past I have considered acting, but she is overweight where the bonus weight is around her tummy, which unfortunately is a turn off to me.

 

However, despite her weight, I still thought that she was a bit pretty so my friendliness was my way of complimenting her on that.

 

Getting one's hopes up is what messed it up. So ask out the guy you're interested in.

 

Since this woman is interested in you romantically why not be a true friend and back off or set her up with one of your male friends -- she doesn't need your compliments I am sure - what she needs more is space from you so that she can turn her attention to those who would find her attractive despite her weight. It's fine not to be attracted to someone because of her weight but it seems a bit patronizing to me to presume that she needs your attention to feel complimented. I'm sure she'll do just fine -- if not better -- on her own.

[Creamybutter]

Since this woman is interested in you romantically why not be a true friend and back off or set her up with one of your male friends -- she doesn't need your compliments I am sure - what she needs more is space from you so that she can turn her attention to those who would find her attractive despite her weight. It's fine not to be attracted to someone because of her weight but it seems a bit patronizing to me to presume that she needs your attention to feel complimented. I'm sure she'll do just fine -- if not better -- on her own.

 

Wow, funnily i actually agree with batya on that one.

By being "friendly", you're only leading her on, thereby causing her more pain.

[Stari]

I don't feel a need defend myself, after all this thread is not about me. But I got a feeling that you didn't grasp what I tried to help you with. So I will try again:

 

By being "friendly", you're only leading her on, thereby causing her more pain.

I think I see your point. The piece that is missing here is that we were not close and had not really spent any amount of time together.

 

The few instances we met I smiled back while I was still considering if she was a no-go. (I would likely do the same today since a good mood is contagious.) I agree I would have led her on, had I known she was romantically interested. I thought that maybe she just appreciates me being friendly and is friendly back without anything more to it. It's only with her sudden shift to cold that has made me think there probably was more to it.

 

Back to the important person here: YOU. I still say you have a good quality since you get attention. As Batya wrote, it's good to stay positive. Remembering one's qualities helps to stay upbeat.

 

it seems a bit patronizing to me to presume that she needs your attention to feel complimented. I'm sure she'll do just fine -- if not better -- on her own.

Now THAT sounds like someone's pride has been hurt.

[ghost69]

is it possible you are a bit too picky?

 

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