What is going onhere?!

[gemini1904]

I am reaching out to see if anyone has any experience, advice, suggestions, or anything on this matter. Please look at my list and help me on any topic you know of.

 

1. I have been dating my childrens father on and off for the last 7 years. I am 23, he is 30. He bought a ring 3 years ago. Made up excuses for not giving it to me, and appologizes for making them. Now he says, we just started working things out again. We have 3yr. old twin boys. And we did buy a house together, which he put us out of several times.

 

2. When anything be it my fault or not, his temper consists of, talking to me like I am an idiot, saying what he wants to say and will completely ignore my view, or tell me that I don't make sense. He curses God, because his car won't start or something material in his life has a problem. When it is not my fault he takes it out on me mostly, and sometimes the children. But he admits that he shouldn't.

 

3. He gets angry whenwe don't have sex.

 

4. After a bad day (again my fault or not), his attitde in general, make me feel like I am not wanted there. I am a convenience for sex, support (even thought I am his vent), to see his children without having to really pay for or do anything with them, and I feel like Iam just familiar.

 

5. When we go our own way, it seems like he treat his other female friends better. He does nothing of that to them. I know that for a fact. They go out, they do activities at his house. Those things make me feel like, I don't compare. Why doesn't he try and take me out? Why doesn't he talk to them that way? He can collect himself around them, why not me? I think I should leave again, but I am always afraid that he will treat them better.

 

6. He hasn't supported our children in the last 8 months or kept contact with them. I let him back in to give him another chance. We moved back in, but I pay for daycare, I take then to and from on the metro, he has 3 vehichles. I buy their clothes and shoes, I take care of them even though I get home (with them) the latest. They are also on my health insurance. I make 17 dollars PH. He makes 28 dollars PH.

 

7. He won't put my name onthe house because the doesn't thinkthat it is fair that if we do not work, I would get half of what he has invested in. But he wants me to pay the utilities. Is that fair when I pay for everything else for the children. All he gets is the groceries ($100 is as far as he goes), and okay I give him credit on the $1500.00 mortgage. But it seems like I am contributing to the utilities for the house, all the childrens needs, but what about him helping with them as well? I know he pays the more expensive mortgage, but I am right behind him in childcare expenses, and I make less. I ahve also been supporting them on my own not living there for 8 months at one time, and a year and a half another (when he didn't want to deal with "the situation"). But he wants to claim them or at least one on his taxes.

 

8. He is so worried about his house being clean, that he gets angry when the children get fingerprints on something as small as the toilet seats or one had a bloody nose (he freaked aboutt he carpet, not his nose).

 

 

 

What is going on?

[Beec]

Quite frankly, you are describing a guy who seems like he was raised only by women or at least had never been around a man worth his salt while he was being raised. You describe a man that behaves as if he is a tempermental B___CH. I've known many of these so-called males, and inevitably, their father was always really not invovled in raising them. Only one had a father at home, but he walked in and sat down without hardly ever saying word to his son, a friend of mine, and was totally uninvolved in his son'd life. He was a mama's boy through and through, adn acted in some ways like this when he got older.

 

If you want him to change, then you need to make him want to change, and I think you'll need to try several things for that, but thing that are unlikely to work include placating him or getting passiv aggressive with him. Challenging his manhood might work.

[adahy]

He sounds like a little boy. Coming to terms w/ these issues is very difficult outside of marriage. That's the beauty of a good marriage..the 'team' aspect...2 as 1 working toward the same ends. He has shown you he is not able to commit to you. He is concerned with 'his' interests and gives the least he can to get what he wants. It's selfish, shallow and sign of a weak man. But, you chose to have kids w/ him so you need to develop some kind of working arrangement...sex, finances, etc. Otherwise, leave...you aren't married afterall. I guess you need to ask yourself why you want to be with him?

[Momene]

I've never met him but I hate him already. Just cut him out of your life.

[mintblossom]

How have you been able to put up with it for so long? He's sounds horrible.