Do I pursue love, or leave it to fate?

[Slagar]

I'm leaving my current job this week, as I've been offered a better one. Being a single chap, I was starting to get to know one of the female reps for a company that interacted with our own.

Now, herein lies my dilemma. I basically can't decide whether I should try to get this girls number before I leave.

She is a fairly attractive girl, maybe 2 years younger than myself.

 

I'm expecting "what the hell are you waiting for then??"

 

For me, finding love has been an "either it happens or it don't" kind of thing. I've never been the kind of guy to hook up with girls because they're pretty. In the past, when I've met someone, it's been like *bam* there she is. I guess you could say I've let fate guide me.

Now although this girl is fairly attractive, there's nothing really "there". There's also the chance that she might have a boyfriend.

 

So do I try to get this girl's number and see if it heads somewhere, or do I wish her well and be on my way?

 

It's been 7 months or so since my last relationship ended, and I know inside that I'm a different person to who I was before that relationship. More emotionally distant, I think.

[karvala]

The "either it happens or it don't" attitude always reminds me of a common funny story. A religious man was drowning, and prayed to God to save him. Shortly afterwards, someone swam past and offered to help, but the man declined, determined that God instead would help him. Then a boat came past and offered help, but again the man declined. Finally, a helicopter flew overheard, and offered to lift the man out of the water, but the man still refused. Finally he drowned. Afterwards, in heaven, he asked God why he didn't save him from drowning. "Didn't save you? I sent you a swimmer, then a boat, then a helicopter! What more did you want?!"

 

The point being that fate is not some mysterious outside force that operates independently from people, or from the world we know. It operates through people, through our own willpower etc.. If something is destined to happen, that doesn't mean it can only be achieved by sitting around waiting. On the contrary, most things destined to happen are destined to happen by people making them happen!

 

Don't leave it to fate in a passive sense. Act as an agent of fate. Life is something you participate in, not something that happens to you.

[laboheme]

That's a good anecdote right there!

 

What harm will come from asking for this girl's number? Maybe an awkward moment when she tells you that she has a boyfriend. Maybe some "wasted" time hanging out with her and then realizing that you don't click. But what is the upside to the whole thing? You think about that.

 

Also, just because you've always felt a spark in the past doesn't mean that something can't happen because you don't feel it right off the bat. Maybe it was the spark that led you astray in the first place, and you neglected other significant factors just because you felt the spark.

 

So yeah, basically I'm saying, "What are you waiting for?"

[Slagar]

*smiles*

Karvala, that is a neat story. Thankyou very much for sharing it

Your advice too, is very wise. I especially like your end message "Life is something you participate in, not something that happens to you."

 

Thankyou also, laboheme, for your input

 

Good advice from you both, to be sure. Your points provoke some interesting thoughts in me.

That pretty much cements it for me. Thank you!

Hmm, well, I'll see how it goes tomorrow I suppose

[laboheme]

Be sure to let us know how it goes!!! I'll be keeping my fingers crossed

[Leonhart]

Leaving things to fate has done little to help me. All it has done is left me with misgivings. karvala's story is a very good one. I've heard it before, but it's very true, no matter how many times I hear it.

[Batya33]

If you ask people - of different age ranges - how they met their spouse or significant other some will describe fate, some a determined approach like answering on line profiles, some will have been introduced by friends in a purposeful way. The fate type stories though of course are typically the most "romantic" and the ones that get repeated over and over - so it seems like that is the "best" way or the "only" way. But it is only one way.

[Leonhart]

Romance is HIGHLY overrated.

[Batya33]

I think meeting purposefully can be just as or more romantic than meeting by fate - if my experiences are any indication.

[Anonybrit]

The point being that fate is not some mysterious outside force that operates independently from people, or from the world we know. It operates through people, through our own willpower etc.. If something is destined to happen, that doesn't mean it can only be achieved by sitting around waiting. On the contrary, most things destined to happen are destined to happen by people making them happen!

 

Or alternatively, it's just not wise to let the belief in something that is in no way based on fact or reality, alter the way you behave.

 

Fate is of course a totally ridiculous concept. The moment you can accurately predict something, you're just using common logic - fate requires mystery and ignorance so that a fanciful supernatural story can be woven around it, meaning regardless of whether it exists or not, it's irrelevent because by definition you can never act accordingly to it.

 

 

In other words, let's take your "fate of love" idea and frame it in contexts we do understand, like sociology and psychology.

 

To say that you, I, we believe that whether we fall in love will be determined by our destiny is to say that, romantic love is not something we should or want to consciously pursue.

 

Why that's the case probably varies from person to person - desire not to confront the issue due to insecurities, belief that conscious efforts to find love yield artificial results etc.

 

But despite us being able to pick it apart, when it comes to love, it's very hard to let the rational side of things change the way you behave, because for some of us, me included, love is just one of those things that simply must be promised to us - as if it's a birthright - a consolation for being born into this world.

 

That makes it all the more hard for us to accept that if we are passive about it, we may or may not find love in our lifetimes.

 

I know it's the case with me - rather than confronting the issue rationally I simply by tickets to far off destinations to avoid my friends and family holding up a mirror to my personality.

 

All I know is that once I've got it I'm going to hold onto it for dear life.