My Best Friend Wants my Boyfriend :(

[FallenAngel00]

So…Here’s the deal.

 

I have been best friends with Amy (I’ll call her) for the last 6 year. We met at a pet store we were both working for.

 

About 3 years ago, Amy was casually dating/sleeping with my current Boyfriend for about 4 months. My boyfriend ended up breaking up with her for some reason, and she soon started dating his best friend, and has been dating him up until a month ago. My boyfriend and her ended up being “friends with benefits” at one point in between when her and her now again ex boyfriend were broken up. Amy was still friends with my boyfriend and actually set him up with me about a year ago. She was fine with me and him until more recently, when her boyfriend dumped her. Ever since she has been broken up with her boyfriend, she seems to be trying to “sabotage” our relationship. She is my absolute BEST friend and I love her to pieces… but its just that when me and my boyfriend are having a small fight or anything and I go to her for advice, she just tells me to dump him… or tells me that he is probably cheating on me… its always negative… I am under the belief that she wants to sleep with him. It’s a long story, but their history was mostly just sex… and my boyfriend gets the feeling that’s what it is to.

 

I feel bad for her because she just went through a really hard break up. Her boyfriend had cheated on HER while she was pregnant with THEIR child at least 3 times he admitted to.

 

I don’t want to lose Amy as a friend. I understand that she is going through a tough time, but at the same time, I don’t want to ever second guess my boyfriends intentions with me because of what she says. I don’t have a lot of other girlfriends and I miss talking to her about stuff like this.

 

Any ideas of what I can do?

[DN]

I guess the obvious thing is to stop going to her for advice when you have a fight with your boyfriend. In fact, avoid talking to her about him altogether.

[Brooke657]

I had a situation kind of like that with my friend in junior year. Eventually I had to just "let her go" I guess lol. I wasn't gonna put up with her trying to ruin my relationship. Don't put up with it, talk to her about it. Just come straight out and say what's on your mind. I think total honesty is the most important thing in friendships. I basically tell my friends exactly what I think and I don't leave anything out. It's worked for me. My friends, my close friends anyway, are like family to me and I really think it only works because we're totally 100% honest...I think.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i actually feel sorry for her because she can't seem to go without a guy for more than a nanosecond. she could also be a bit jealous of your continuing to have a relationship when she is alone.

 

and she can't 'take' your boyfriend unless he wants to be taken, so first make sure that you and he are clear on what his boundaries are with her, or any other woman.

 

then next time you see her, do NOT talk about your own relationship, but talk about her and her feelings, i.e., help her get over her loss of her boyfriend and actively move towards dating someone who is available to her (not your boyfriend)...

 

so first find out if her problem is sour grapes about men in general right now, or you think she is really disloyal enough to try to steal your boyfriend because she is having her own dry spell... if it is the first, you can help her get over her breakup and find someone new, if it's the latter, then she is not the kind of friend you really want to keep, if she is selfish enough to try to wreck your relationship because she is a bit lonely right now.

 

btw, i had a really good friend who whenever she broke up with a guy, she became really negative about any relationship i had with a guy. it was more about her being lonely and wanting me to be available to spend time with her, and her own pain watching me be happy with some guy while she was disappointed. so i just refocused her on her own issues (and kept her out of discussions about my relationship), until she had recovered and was again happy... then she wasn't so critical of my boyfriend... for a while she just hated any guy, so anything said about any guy meant he wasn't good enough for me. so make sure you know what her motivation is, and don't assume she is trying to steal your guy. she could be, but she could also just be really bitter right now, and be fine if you don't rub your own happiness (or doubts) in her face and just be a good friend to her and do 'girl' things with her for a while til she is less in pain.