First date with internet-guy?

[whatsagirltodo]

Any advice?

 

I've been talking to this guy on a dating website for about a month now. We've sent maybe 10 messages back and forth in the past month - not too much, but enough that we've gotten to know eachother to some extent. We both agreed that we're more interested in actually getting to know someone in person than emailing.

 

Today he IMed me through the website and we were chatting for awhile, just joking around and stuff...then we decided to meet up tonight. He was actually willing to drive to MY city to meet up at a restaurant. (he's about 20-30 minutes from me, depending on where he's at in his city - i have no clue)

 

He's seen a bunch of pictures of me posted on my profile, but he only ever emailed me one picture (doesn't have one on his profile). The picture looked like a scanned image, but he was looking totally hot. Looks shouldn't be such a big deal, but I think I'm more nervous because I've never gone out with someone I've met online. He's interesting though, and seems like my type from our conversations so I am excited...

 

But does anyone have any advice for a first-timer at meeting someone from online, in the real world?

[friscodj]

Well, I don't see any red flags here. Maybe the picture issue but not so much, you just don't know. And you're meeting at a public place, that's good too.

 

I would say go to a restaurant that you both individually enjoy going to. That way, if there is no chemistry or lack thereof, at least you are in a place you enjoy being.

 

When you meet, I would say start by continuing to talk about whatever it is that you talked about that brought you to the meeting, i.e., what generated interest in each other in the first place. There must be some connection there for you to be meeting.

 

You're likely going to be nervous and so will he. It will get easier once you start talking I think.

[whatsagirltodo]

Well, I don't see any red flags here. Maybe the picture issue but not so much, you just don't know. And you're meeting at a public place, that's good too.

 

I would say go to a restaurant that you both individually enjoy going to. That way, if there is no chemistry or lack thereof, at least you are in a place you enjoy being.

 

When you meet, I would say start by continuing to talk about whatever it is that you talked about that brought you to the meeting, i.e., what generated interest in each other in the first place. There must be some connection there for you to be meeting.

 

You're likely going to be nervous and so will he. It will get easier once you start talking I think.

 

That was the kind of response I was hoping for, lol. You just relieved me of the majority of my worries. He's never been to the place I suggested, but I told him what it was like and he said that'd be fine. The funny thing is, we were talking most of today about me finally getting over being sick and joking about the doctor put me on steroids - and that I finally got back to the gym today, so he was joking about I might be able to beat him up...and I was like, well i'm not doing anything today if you wanna find out...(in a joking way)

 

and then he suggested we get together! lol. ...he seems to have a good sense of humor, so hopefully we'll have a good time.

[whatsagirltodo]

...oh yeah, and i can't REALLY beat someone up...but I carry pepper spray for self-defense...so I can take care of myself...

 

but i do have a question - his profile says he's 5'6" and I'm just a little over 5'1" ...i would normally wear heels, but there's snow and ice everwhere outside...not such a good idea i'm thinking - should I just wear sneakers and show off my shortness?

[friscodj]

It sounds like you guys will really hit it off. Don't beat him up too badly...

[Batya33]

Assume that you are meeting a complete stranger - the e-mails are largely irrelevant to "getting to know someone." Assume that someone's looks in person might be totally different from a picture even if the picture is 100% accurate. If you're having a good time, go with the flow. If you're not, definitely offer to pay your own way and try to avoid ordering appetizers and desserts so you can keep the evening short. That he is willing to drive 20-30 minutes doesn't impress me - it's expected - - you are the lady and typically the man should put in a little more of the effort to meet a lady at night so that she doesn't have to drive a far distance by herself at night. Obviously, show good manners - please and thank you, particularly if he offers to pay - even if you never want to see him again. Remember he has your e-mail address and knows what you look like.

[Iceman26]

Wear the sneakers for safety's sake.

 

I think it sounds like a good deal, I hope it goes well for you!

[friscodj]

but i do have a question - his profile says he's 5'6" and I'm just a little over 5'1" ...i would normally wear heels, but there's snow and ice everwhere outside...not such a good idea i'm thinking - should I just wear sneakers and show off my shortness?

 

That's totally up to you and could go either way I think. If there is a connection, he'll see how tall you are anyway eventually. If not, it didn't matter anyway. Plus the height issue likely won't make or break this I don't think.

 

If you are concerned about your safety in walking, that is a big deal. I'd take that seriously and dress accordingly.

[Batya33]

I am 5"2 and I like to wear a heel on a first date because it is flattering (not jbecause I look taller - I don't mind being petite in the least) - when it's bad weather I get there earlier, and I change into shoes from my sneakers, putting the sneakers in a back pack. also gives me time to freshen up and get comfortable.

[whatsagirltodo]

I am 5"2 and I like to wear a heel on a first date because it is flattering (not jbecause I look taller - I don't mind being petite in the least) - when it's bad weather I get there earlier, and I change into shoes from my sneakers, putting the sneakers in a back pack. also gives me time to freshen up and get comfortable.

 

That's actually not a bad idea, why didn't i think of that? I'm actually fond of my height - it's a good conversation - (In school i was always measured and they said i was 5'2 only to find out later on when my stepdad measured me that I'm only 5'1 and 1/8th!!! lol)

 

I think it does look nicer though too.

[whatsagirltodo]

Well...all that and he canceled on me. He called a half an hour before we were to meet and said he that a client just walked in and there was no way he would make it on time. (he runs his own business).

 

So, should I give him a second chance if he calls or emails me? I do want to meet him but I don't REALLY know him...

[EvaGina]

why not?

he called and told you, and it was a legitimate reason...

[whatsagirltodo]

Well my past experience with online dating has been guys stop talking to me...i gave two guys my number after a few weeks of talking - then never heard from them. One guy gave me his number after a few weeks of talking - i called, left him a message, never heard from him again...

 

I'm not sure how to take the situation, you know? It's hard to read...

[EvaGina]

dont get like that

the internet has millions of DIFFERENT people on it...

two guys turning you agains the millions out there? thats stupid

[whatsagirltodo]

Thanks, you're right.

[Batya33]

I would stop talking/emailing for a few weeks to these guys - a few emails, one or two phone calls and then make a plan to meet asap (or not). I thin kyou give the guy one more chance.

[Aurian]

I'd give him one more chance. It sounds like a legitimate reason and he was good to tell you beforehand. Sometimes sh*t happens! Give him another chance to set up a date.

[Yates33]

I am sorry, but for a month you guys should have exchanged less messages and be on the phone much sooner. Most of your conversations should have been over the phone, have you talked to him over the phone? And him sending you ONE PICTURE is lame.

[Batya33]

I was always somewhat put off - or offended - when I was asked for "other pictures" - at some points I had one posted and at other times 3 or 4 and I provided my height and weight (I am slim). If he didn't want to take a chance to meet me for 45 minutes because there was only one picture (which was very clear and recent) then I had my doubts about whether we would be a match.

[whatsagirltodo]

Thanks to everyone, this is REALLY helpful advice. I know nothing about online dating, but I'm learning. I'm REALLY serious about meeting this guy though after we finally made the decision to get together, but I have my doubts because of past experiences...I've gotten really close to going out with THREE other guys that i've met online and then THEY never followed through. This guy has gone over a week without even emailing me...but I ALWAYS respond to his emails.

 

I emailed him last night to let him know that I wasn't upset, but that I was looking gorgeous and he missed it (in an obvious joking way) and I mentioned that I hoped he'd reschedule...

 

I saw that he read my email I sent him, but he didn't respond - which has happened in the past, no biggie - he's read my email but didn't respond until hours later.

 

I was hoping that this guy was finally going to be my first opportunity to go out with someone that I met online, but now I'm not so sure.

 

...and I've talked to WAY more than the 3 guys i've mentioned above, they're the ones that i talked to about where we would go and when and then never heard from them. I gave my number out to other guys too and then they never call and stop emailing me. I've never emailed them again, just because obviously if they were interested they would have called, right?

 

Weirdos. lol.