Trying to Come To Grips With Finality (long post)

[GoSox07]

First off, I would like to say a big THANK YOU to everyone in this community. I have been avidly reading everyone's stories here for the past two weeks as I sorted out my own personal nightmare - it has provided a much needed support system for me. I've been doing better the past few days, so I figured it would be a good time to register and share my own story and offer a glimpse of hope that things do turn around (albeit slowly!) for all the first-time readers lurking out there.

 

My ex and I had been dating for about 2.5 years, with the majority of it being long distance. We met in 2004 through a mutual friend on the West Coast during a vacation of mine - I work for an airline, so I have the luxury of free air travel at my disposal. I had just graduated from college and moved from the East Coast to Texas, while my ex was a current college student out West. We hit it off right away, and kept in touch once I went back to Texas(once I finally got the nerve to call her). I soon began to fly out to visit her in school, and by about 3-4 months later, we were "dating". For her first birthday present, I gave her my coveted "registered travel companion" benefits, which means she could now also fly for free. We saw each other every other weekend for about 2 years.

 

Our relationship continued to blossom over those two years - we were definitely in love. At this point we began to travel the world together, and got to experience so much. It was pretty awesome, and we made plans to live in the same city as soon as she graduated. She agreed to move to Texas so we could take advantage of more travel (although I offered to move anywhere that she wanted to live), so she moved here in the latter half of 2006.

 

She had a somewhat obscure major, so had difficulty finding a "real" job and decided to waitress to make ends meet until she found something more permanent. This was where things began to get a little bit dicey - she was in a new city (read: no friends yet) and working nights, while she was home alone all day. In mid-Jnaury, she went back to visit her friends in her old college town, and when she came back we had "the talk". We were sitting at my house watching TV, and she just burst into tears. I asked what was wrong, and she said that she missed her friends in XXXXX. To make a (very) long story short, she decided to end our relationship and move back to XXXXX. I was absolutley shocked, terrified, sick (you guys know the feeling!) about everything. I have to giver her credit - although this was her first relationship, she handled everything with class and diginity. She said that she has been second-guessing her love for me for a few months, and that she needed to mature and become independent on her own. I think that she hated the way she was feeling, and realized that she needed some wholesale life changes.

 

I made the same mistake that 99.9% of everyone here has made - begging, pleading, "but I love you", and "are you really going to throw all of this away?" I finally went NC about 1 week in - my life was suffering too much trying to keep in contact. She said that she would like to remain friends (sound familiar, anyone?) but would understand if I can't. We didn't talk for about 10 days, save for an email that she sent saying she wasn't doing well at all (she also called her parents at 5am one night crying). She called me on my birthday (feb 11) to tell me Happy Birthday and that she had found someone else to take over her lease. She was moving in 4 days.

 

The day before she left I agreed to say goodbye. There were a lot of tears (myself included, and I hadn't cried in 15 years...beginning to think I was incapable of it). Well, it's been 4 days since she moved, and I have not talked or heard from her since. It's been very hard. Although I'm still very much in love with her, I'm currently trying to convince myself that I would be best served moving on. I haven't decided how I will handle the contact / NC bit yet, but it hasn't really come up. I guess that I'm still in denial, and that I'm hoping that she will realize what she has lost once she finds her happiness.

 

Wow, that feels really good to get out of my system! I needed an outlet before my friends put a contract out on my life. Anyways, I'm taking things one day at a time. Any comments, suggestions, or random thoughts would be GREATLY appreciated. I'm planning on sticking around to offer some advice / war stories with anyone who has gone through something similar. And for all the people with fresh battle wounds - keep your heads up, it DOES get a little bit easier.

[ladyspirit]

good that you are healing

 

I've been on this site all afternoon !!! doing the exact same thing as you....

[mr_echo]

GoSox7 - that's a very moving story. I'm in such a similar situation. I was dumped 16 days ago and she cut me completely out of her life. She forbade me to contact her. I got very upset and angry and began to blame her for a lot of things. TBH, I was in denial too. Still came as a complete shock though.

[GoSox07]

Mr Echo - That's tough. At least you know what the expectations are. If she wants to reach out to you, she will, otherwise you can move forward without looking back. I believe that in my situation (so far) I have an open invitation to communication - one that probably leads to the dreaded "friend zone". Her last words were "call me when you're ready".

 

At this point, I'm not ready, so I will continue my non-official NC until something changes. I'm half-hoping that she calls out of curiosity, but I'm not really planning on it.

[Wandering_Sword]

Keep strong and you'll be fine.

[boston23]

Hey- It sounds like you're doing really well with all of this! It's tough, but you definitely sound like you have a good attitude. It sounds like in terms of how break ups can happen both of you have acted really nicely towards each other.

[GoSox07]

Hey- It sounds like you're doing really well with all of this! It's tough, but you definitely sound like you have a good attitude. It sounds like in terms of how break ups can happen both of you have acted really nicely towards each other.

 

Yeah, we did part on friendly terms (this did NOT make it any easier). I really have nothing to be upset with her about at this time - we both gave it our all. She was woman enough to look me in the eye and tell me exactly how she was feeling - I didn't feel like I was dealing with someone who had never done this before (even though it was). After reading all about the horror stories on this board, I did look back and smile at how good I had it. We've both come a long way and have grown up a lot since we first met - I wish her nothing but the best for the future (even if I hope she struggles a little bit in the meantime )

[sunday13]

My ex and I parted on good terms as well. In some respects, breakups where we had a blow-out fight were easier because I realized much faster what a jerk i had been dating and I knew I could find better. Problem now is that my ex raised my standards considerably. He thought I was too good for him and he said I exceeded his expectations. I thought the same about him. In all honesty, he does have to deal with issues in his life...he thinks he needs to do it without me. So be it! I do love him though and I miss him. I wish him nothing but happiness. (but I'm with you...I do want him to wish I was there still)