Need help before I ruin everything with my Shyness

[Beaker5]

Hi Guys,

 

I have a problem..I'm a shy loner. The reason why I'm starting to see it as a problem is because it seems that any person that shows interest in getting to know me or that actually likes me, usually stops showing interest after hanging out. I know it's because of my lack of talking.

 

An example was when I was crushing on a guy that was crushing on me as well and I was quite open online but in person, I would never talk. I guess he eventually got tired of it and simply stopped talking to me online, so now we just say hi in classes that we have together and that's pretty much it. It's just so hard for me to talk to people. I think it's because of the catholic school I went to during grammar school in which they molded the students to not speak much. It could also be due to my parents isolating my brothers and I from our friends (because we grew up in a rough neighborhood). It was a positive thing in one way because we are quite independent and very disciplined but we all lack social skills (me being the worse).

 

Well, there's this other guy, he's an international student and his accent is totally attractive and I'm really starting to like him. He has been speaking to me whenever we run into each other and he's quite interesting. We had a class together in the past and it seems that he always kind of noticed me, even though I had a boyfriend during that time (who ended up dumping me in June 2006 and was a cheater). I'm definitely getting over him. Still not completely but I kind of am....Well back to the matter at hand. I'm developing a small crush on this guy but I'm afraid that if I hang out with him or if he sees how I am, he will lose interest. I've lost so many chances to make friends because of what I'm guessing is my shyness. I know I'm a nice person but I guess people don't see that because I don't talk much.

 

Also, since I'm really liking this guy could any of you give me any pointers on how to not ruin our potential chance?

[Beaker5]

Also, I have been relatively more seclusive and saddened because of the break up that I had with my ex so that may also be one of the causes. But this used to happen before my ex so it probably is just me.

[Beaker5]

You know airtight python, you're probably right about shy people being attracted to other shy people. Like sometimes I wonder why and how my ex and I started going out but he is a loner as well so that's probably what he found attractive about me.

[GuitarHero]

A lot of shy people find they can be more expressive on the internet than in person because of the anonymity. They actually have time to think about what they say and don't have to deal with the awkwardness of talking in person. I'm a super shy guy, and I love shy girls, I even have a T-shirt that says "I love Shy girls" and it's a good conversation starter. Shyness lessens with familiarity, so as Airtight Python said, let them know that you are going to be really quiet until you get to know them.

[Beaker5]

What happened between the two of you?

[Beaker5]

Hi guitarhero. It's true about the internet thing. So do you think shy people are slower at responding? Could it be because they are not as receptive as people that are not shy?

I'll definitely try telling them or him. But shouldn't it be obvious?

[Altruist]

I don't think you are shy - just quiet. A lot of people turn out to be like that if they were secluded during their formative years, as you have mentioned. If you explain that you don't talk a lot from the onset, I am sure no decent guy would have a problem with that. Another important thing is that you must act comfortable during the long gaps of silence in your conversations with your boyfriend. If you act nervous about the silence, that could make things uncomfortable for both of you. If being quiet bothers you, try to make sure you and your potential boyfriend engage in activities where there is a lot of talking and noise such as music shows, movies for some time until you are comfortable with each other. Watching sports is also a good idea. You will find that, in time, conversations between the two of you will start to flow naturally.