Why is it so hard to find a nice guy????

[Batya33]

I agree expect on this forum and in others the term nice typically refers to doormat like qualities.

 

I expect to be treated with respect and like a lady. My boyfriend opens doors for me, helps me on with my coat, offers to carry things for me. I don't take that for granted - I very much appreciate his being a gentleman in that way and in every way - but if he didn't I would likely be bothered by it, particularly the door opening - he enjoys doing these things so it works out well for us.

[JadedStar]

In my world " nice guys" are passive aggressive, insecure, try and buy women with over the top gifts, calling to many times a day. Putting women on pedastals that they cant reach, being doormats, will do anything for the women to please her because they think they are not good enough being themselfs for her to like him , they are basically chumps. They are not a challenge or interesting

 

Again it is subjective. You can't be sure that is how the majority of women define a "nice guy". I personally would not find a guy like that a "nice guy" he sounds like more of a push over. A nice guy for me is assertive and confident, never a doormat, but is not a jerk by treating me like I AM A DOORMAT either.

 

A nice guy in my eyes is a man who is willing to put out the same things that I am in a relationship. I don't expect perfection or someone to cling to me and be possessive. that is a whiner not a "nice guy". A woman who wants a nice guy to put into the relationship MORE than she is willing to give is just a dreamer. She doesn't deserve to be doted on anymore then she is willing to give back. People who expect more than they deserve are always whining about not finding the right type of people.

 

Also in reference to the nerdy guys who cry they are a nice guy and don't get a chance with girls, they never take responsibility to make changes for themselves. I don't find them to be nice guys as much as I find them to be whiney guys. No one can find whining attractive. I have also seen these so called nice guy nerds FINALLY get a nice girl and she ends up leaving him for things like paying more attn to video games then her, or being a real inept buffoon in social settings. These things are NOT attractive and I don't care how nice you are, this sort of thing is not going to get you a long term relationship.

[JadedStar]

I agree expect on this forum and in others the term nice typically refers to doormat like qualities.

 

I expect to be treated with respect and like a lady. My boyfriend opens doors for me, helps me on with my coat, offers to carry things for me. I don't take that for granted - I very much appreciate his being a gentleman in that way and in every way - but if he didn't I would likely be bothered by it, particularly the door opening - he enjoys doing these things so it works out well for us.

 

If women are looking for a nice guy and really meaning a guy who is a doormat then that woman does not deserve to find her prince. LOL Can't put it on any simpler terms than that.

[FortunateOne]

Has anyone considered that the OP can't find a real man/good guy because she's herself not in an emotional state for a real man to want? All the negative traits of the "nice guy" can also be applied towards a woman's behavior. I know I'd run if a woman was passive/non-assertive/doormats type with out a solid confident identity, or worse a self centered narcissistic persona.

[Anonybrit]

Has anyone considered that the OP can't find a real man/good guy because she's herself not in an emotional state for a real man to want? All the negative traits of the "nice guy" can also be applied towards a woman's behavior. I know I'd run if a woman was passive/non-assertive/doormats type with out a solid confident identity, or worse a self centered narcissistic persona.

 

No I don't think that's necesserily the case. There are people like you that would perhaps rather the finished-product - a self-contained little box you can enjoy for yourself.

 

But I know I, at least, would rather a partner with her share of problems - something to fix, something to grow with, and for her to find the same in me.

 

There's nothing interesting about someone completely confident in every aspect of their life. I can't imagine anything more boring than such a person.

[Dating Coach]

No I don't think that's necesserily the case. There are people like you that would perhaps rather the finished-product - a self-contained little box you can enjoy for yourself.

 

But I know I, at least, would rather a partner with her share of problems - something to fix, something to grow with, and for her to find the same in me.

 

There's nothing interesting about someone completely confident in every aspect of their life. I can't imagine anything more boring than such a person.

 

There's no such person.

[Anonybrit]

But some people seem to think that relationships are only possible between two such people. Ridiculous. They would be less possible.

[Dating Coach]

Who thinks that?

[Batya33]

I don't. I want someone who is reasonably confident and reasonably assertive - I haven't seen any posts where one person is seeking another who is supremely confident overall.

[Wildflower25]

The saying that "nice guys finish last" is true. hahaha I think a big thing is going places where you would find a nice guy. Example.....you'll never find a nice guy at a bar. Everybody knows that while some people don't truly realize it until they learn themselves. You might not even find a nice guy while going out anywhere. Nice guys that are older are working...hanging out with their personal friends and thats it. Sooo...it may be hard to find one initially. I just wouldn't give up. There is definitely someone out there for you, its just a matter of timing and a little luck.