she doesnt have sexual desires for me

[simpsons]

me and my girl friend have been together for the past 4years,

in the last few months she started to tell me that she is losing sexual desire in me and canot think of me sexually, she has a fear that if we get engaged we will not last for long,

 

is there any way to regain her and to not lose her

[Cardinal]

My first impression is that she just pretty much told you it is over. From the info you provided, she didn't say her libido was just low or that she wasn't interested in sex in general. She said specifically that she just can't think of 'you' sexually anymore.

 

It sounds pretty clear to me. Time to move on.

 

If you have more info though, please share it....everything should be looked at in the context of the whole relationship when possible.

[tylercdurden2004]

You should be thanking her for being so upfront about this. She cold just cut you off leave you in a fog for a year or two then just walk anyways leaving you scrtching your head wondering why and what and how.

 

Its over. Girls who are attracted to there guys and love them dont lose interest in them sexually. No matter how long they have been together.

 

Plain and simple.

[Rain__man]

No.

 

It sucks, but there is no way to "save" this. Don't worry about it, man. There are plenty of girls out there. Most of them will even realize they have some responsibility for keeping it fresh too, rather than blaming you for their lack of imagination and dependent nature.

 

The bottom line is that she has classic "young girl" syndrome... all adventurous, no proactivity. She expects the guy to do all the work, and if something's missing, it has nothing to do with her.

 

Selfish and silly as she is, in a way she's right. You have a lot of work to do, get crackin .

 

 

I know there's not much comfort in what I'm saying, but comfort is something you'll have to find for yourself. Just know that we all go through it. No matter how bad it sucks, we've all been there.

[i1dr]

There is a way to save this but it won't be pretty nor likely will it be possible for you to pull it off without doing more harm - but .... start acting like an a*shole!

 

From what I have seen (and pardon the presumptions - I only know as much as you put in your post) most of the time a woman loses sexual interest in a man it is because she has lost respect for him.

I know I may get flamed for this, and I don't like it neither but it's the sum of my experience with many woman and by proxy throught many female friends pouring their hearts out to me.

Women dont' seem to like it about themselves and many have conflicts over it but they seem to deep inside need a strong man. Games are a part of life and a part of even the best relationships and the most fundamental one is the one about power. Many women after a short time start to test the limits. Just how much will he cater to me. They pout, tease and all sorts of things which all add up to seeing how much their guy loves them but the sad side effect to winning this little dance for many of them is that they lose respect if the guy is too nice, too catering, too loving - in short a wus!

 

Once they no longer respect you as a man it's a quick change to the change in the bedroom. Lust is primeveal.

 

So turn the tables a bit. Go out and strart to be a bit more unpredictable. Go out - without her, and buy yourself a new wardrobe. Start to work out. Be really nice and loving towards her but find just a little less time and change your tone a little bit. People naturally do not value what is easy, that what they have with little or no further effort or angst.

 

She will, if you do this right start to be encouraging (because that is what all good partners have to be in their own mind) but just the same she will start to worry a bit. She will start to wonder about how much she has you and if she gives you up if there will be three other girls very happy with their choice.

 

Be a bit hot and cold. What I mean is be wonderfull to her but a bit more on your own terms. Smile at her like the day you first tried to woo her. Listen to her when she wants to talk abou something important to her like a partner always should - but just the same find your own life and let her see that you don't need her quite like she may be taking for granted you do.

 

I don't know the dinamics of your relationship of course so I'm taking a wild guess but I've seen so many cases of a guy trying to be super nice and responing with a yes to every whim his love gets -and then he is bewildered by how bit by bit he is not longer "the man" in her eyes but a puppy. If there is any element of that and you want your love life back. Change back into a Man in her subconscious mind - by being just a bit, more like the cave man in her mind.

[Ash]

I'm not sure if this will work or not i1dr.

 

The question for simpsons is, do you really want to chance this much for the sake of another person? You have to be yourself, and if she's no longer attracted to the person you are would you really want to make such a drastic change?

 

From what I've seen, if a woman is in love with a man and he stays being nice to her then she stays in love with him. May not be true in 100% of the cases, but it's worked for what I've seen.

[candy604]

take a break, maybe u guys spend too much time with each other so it gets boring