Do you have gut feelings and they turn out to be true?

[celene]

Okay let me list a few:

Two years ago my ex boyfriend(not this one) and I started to use the webcam and play around. We broke up because of distance and remained friends, we were very compatable and I thought of him to be a very wonderful person which he was till the summer of 2005. We had been using the webcam and I thought at that time I had no feelings for him and I was single and he was single so I thought why not have some fun. But the more we were in contact I started to feel like the feelings for him was coming back. But then there was this voice in me which kept telling me, he is going to hurt you, get ready for the fall. Its pretty weired because that summer he rudley cut me off because he had gotten himself a girlfriend. I was pretty upset.

I was single for a while and then I met this guy who seemed very nice but again there was a voice inside me that kept telling me he is going to cheat on you and he did. I havent spoken to him since then but I have seriously started to listen to thsi inner voice.

I think we all do have this inner voice but we sometimes done listen to it and then get hurt and regret not having listened to it!!!

[herewegoagain]

I know exactly what you are saying. My gut tells me that there is something my girlfriend is hiding about her past or something of that nature.

 

I love her, but that voice is telling me these things, so I don't know what to do.

 

Yes, I totally understand where you are coming from.

 

Don't know what to do.

[papalazarou]

I have said on previous posts always, ALWAYS trust your gut feelings.

 

Twice I have and twice I have been proved RIGHT.

[Stu147]

This inner voice in your case sounds more like a kind of fear. It is your self-protection mechanism kicking in and making you aware of the risks you might face. But whether to always follow this voice is a point to debate.

 

I mean, many great people have achieved great things by ignoring that little voice that told them it probably wasn't the best idea. Athletes who ignore the voice telling them they are too tired to go on, mouintaneers whose little voice told them that climbing Everest was really too dangerous, etc. The voice more often than not has a point worth listening to but can tend to be over cautious sometimes. Relationships, like life, involve elements of risk and the need for trust. Sometimes you will get screwed over, sometimes you won't. If you seek to avoid all risk you will never achieve anything. The main thing, in my opinion, is not to avoid doing things (within reason) purely for fear of getting hurt. Zero risk often equals zero reward. Have faith that if you do get wronged you will recover and come back even stronger. Don't stop taking chances because one or two went wrong.

 

p.s. I'm not talking about jumping off mountains here. If that went wrong the first time then it's probably because it was a stupid idea in the first place! That was definitely a time you should have listened to that little voice!

 

p.p.s. Negativity breeds negativity. There is a school of thought that suggests that if you expect a negative outcome you will almost subconsciously bring it about. Always hope for the best in the knowledge that you are strong enough to deal with the worst.

 

All the best, take care...

[Batya33]

There's a great article in this month's "Oprah" magazine about gut feelings and how you have to learn how to tell if it is your gut, or fear, or your gut just reacting to fear. Often I think the feelings are described as "gut" feelings - as in the OPs case because she did not want to accept that that could be the case - she wanted it to work out - and thereforeeee buried the surface feeling deep down until it was forced to surface again.

Also, both gut feelings had to do with negatives and you also want to question whether that is a gut feeling or a negative, generalized feeling based on bad experiences and it just so happened that the man you chose cheated on you.

 

I've heard of many say they had this "gut" feeling that the man they have known for one day, or 5 minutes or 2 weeks that he is "the one" until two months later when they get to know him and realize they are not a match. What I like about the article in Oprah magazine is that it raises the issue of being able to differentiate between gut feelings and other feelings.

[ladyspirit]

ALWAYS listen to that gut feeling/ fear. PLease read the book : "The Gift of Fear". We've learned to not listen to it anymore but we are animals who sense danger way before we are able to make intellectual sense of it. A sure way to know it is your gut/ intuition talking: the feeling will NOT go away. It is NOT weak to listen to it; thousands of people who get into really bad situations will usually say: I knew it, I had a sense of this at first, but I blew the feeling off". If you listen to your gut/ fear/ intuition, you will, more often than not, see with time and because you'll be able to see the situation objectively ( not being in it anymore) that you did the right thing. This isn't about pushing yourself harder when you want to compete in sports, or other achievements: this is about letting someone INTO YOUR LIFE. The dangers are much greater. People are not serious enough about who they choose to get involved with. And the victimization continues, and people wonder "why" ?...Listen to your self: it's there to HELP you!!!! Better be safe, than sorry.

[Stu147]

But how do you distinguish the little voice of gut instinct from the little voices of anxiety, of irrational fear, of phobia? Ask any long term anxiety sufferers and they will tell you that these voices don't go away, they are ever present. Some of these voices severely restrict peoples lives and stop them from fulfilling their ambitions or taking a risk to find happiness.

 

Yes, we are basically animals who sense danger but we also possess the ability to rationlise, to apply logic, to assess situations. This is what differentiates us from other animals. You seem to be saying we should disregard these other abilities and go purely with our gut feelings? I apologise if I am misreading what you are saying.

 

I agree that you should at least pay heed to your instincts, but they do not always guide you to the most beneficial outcome. Avoidance of anything you fear is not always practical, nor is avoidance of anything that might hurt you emotionally or physically.

 

Letting someone into your life is not inherently dangerous if you do so with your eyes open and without wearing your heart on your sleeve. If you have inner strength you can survive the setbacks and often you are stronger for them. It is often through these negative experiences that you learn the most.

 

I hope you understand that I am not trying to argue with you, I'm just putting down my own thoughts on the matter. But I'm always open to other opinions and I'm always willing to learn new schools of thought. So if I've misquoted you in any way or I'm missing what you are trying to put accross then please say so and I will respect your views. I don't claim to know it all, if I did I wouldn't be here.

 

Take care...

[LostLoveinLosAngeles]

Have you guys ever heard of the laws of attraction? Basically whatever your subconscious mind thinks you have the power and ability to make it happen. If you constantly believe your man/woman is going to cheat on you, you bring it out into the universe and it happens. Have you ever tried to be totally positive and not so insecure? Mohandis once said in these similar words "Give everyone you meet your complete trust, those who are not your real friends will break your trust over time and you will see them for who they are." From alot of your posts you seem very insecure. I'm guessing you have past problems you are not telling us.

[Siriana]

Yeah, never failed me.

[papalazarou]

Right.

 

Some people have a phobia of spiders for instance - thats a fear not GUT feeling.

 

I know it is dangerous to jump off a hight cliff without a parachute - thats common sense not a GUT feeling. I may have a voice telling me thats dangerous - but its common sense nothing more.

 

Knowing in your gut that your wife is having an affair or that your g/f is seeing (or very close to seeing) someone behind your back (finding out and finding it to be true) - thats GUT feeling.

 

Nothing to do with fear or phobia (or lack of) common sense, thats how you distinguish it.

[Stu147]

Right.

 

Some people have a phobia of spiders for instance - thats a fear not GUT feeling.

 

I know it is dangerous to jump off a hight cliff without a parachute - thats common sense not a GUT feeling. I may have a voice telling me thats dangerous - but its common sense nothing more.

 

Knowing in your gut that your wife is having an affair or that your g/f is seeing (or very close to seeing) someone behind your back (finding out and finding it to be true) - thats GUT feeling.

 

Nothing to do with fear or phobia (or lack of) common sense, thats how you distinguish it.

 

Fair point, well articulated. Thanks papalazarou.

 

It's quite possible I'm getting fear and gut feeling muddled a little in my mind, it's been a long day at work!

 

I get what everyone is trying to say, about when you just KNOW something deep down inside. Everyone has felt that at some time or another. Just really trying to distinguish it from all the other instincts we have each day. I'm still doubtful as to whether even the strongest of gut instincts will always be right.

 

But there has been some good debate on the subject so far and I'm taking it all in. Hope the original poster has found some of this useful also.

 

Wish you all the best...

[Batya33]

A particularly self-aware and wise friend of mine once commented that her gut feelings about negative situations are always right and her ones about positive situations (i.e. thinking a man is "the one" early on) typically are wrong. Interesting . . . .

[Parsley]

Trusting your instincts has become a bit of a pet cause for me, as I ignored them twice to my own detriment. The first time someone asked me out after my ex broke up with me I said no, mostly because of how recent the break up was, but I also just thought the guy could easily end up being a bit weird - no reason to think that, but I did. After I said no, he proceeded to argue with me about it before telling me I needed professional help.

 

Sometimes we pick up on stuff subconsciously, and that's why our instincts are right.

 

I am, like others have said, wary of listening to every little message my gut tells me, as I'm quite capable of just being scared.

[celene]

Hey guys, just to add, I don't think we have gut instinct about everything. But there are certain situations both positive and negative where there is something deep deep inside you telling you what to expect!

[ladyspirit]

Hi there,

 

When you write "anxiety, phobia, irrational fears", one has to be careful not to diagnose themselves as being irrational, phobic, or a generally anxious person. By doing so, you cut yourself off from trusting your gut. A psychiatrist should make such a serious diagnosis.

 

By "overrationalizing" our instincts, we may make bad decisions. Science without common sense is where we are at today, and we are slowly coming back to a more holistic view of life, which reconnects us back to inner (sensing) wisdom, not purely working with the intellect as we have seen in the recent centuries that it has not solved all of our problems as we thought it would. Many replies on this site include : "but he told me he would change- but she said she didn't cheat" etc etc etc. What is wrong with our reasoning?? Reasoning....reason. It's that we exchange information on an intellectual/ reasoning basis. We trust abstract word- language (logic-left side of the brain) but not body language, which included SENSING that the words are not TELLING the whole story.

 

I think science and intellectual reasoning have their place, but not at the cost of belittling or diagnosing our huntches. Tons of talk shows address this problem because people WANT to trust their guts again, but they want PERMISSION to do so, so people go on talk shows, end up saying "I knew something wasn't right from the start" etc etc. We know more about situations than we allow ourselves to believe, because modern man has rejected other sources of knowledge, labelling them "problematic" because we often cannot explain them, until AFTER the fact ( ex: way after you've left someone, you see you did the right thing but at the time, you couldn't rationaly figure out why the situation FELT wrong).

 

Finally, it's only by trusting that little voice, and through repeted experiences where you trust that little voice and you see that you were right to trust it, that you come to acKNOWledge that voice as a reliable tool to guide you.

Not label it as an expression of pathology.

 

 

Take care

 

Ladyspirit

[Batya33]

As oprah magazine put it sometimes what we think is that "little voice" is simply fear - you have to learn to tell the difference. And, if you have a negative mindset to start, your gut may simply be a reflection of that, not the "truth." But I think this was said, above.

[ladyspirit]

As oprah magazine put it sometimes what we think is that "little voice" is simply fear - you have to learn to tell the difference. And, if you have a negative mindset to start, your gut may simply be a reflection of that, not the "truth." But I think this was said, above.

 

 

 

That's it, fear. Fear being the message (gut). Read about "fight or flight".

And the book "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker, renowned expert in the detection of suspect and violent behavior and listening to one's gut (thus, the gift of fear). Oprah had him on her show.

 

 

[pinkelephant]

I think that this is kind of a self-fullfilling prophecy as well.

 

 

Once you have that gut feelings, you will start to project it regardless if you realize it or not. That'll create distance between the two of you and lead to whatever you suspected.

 

Obviously, no one really knows if this is the case or that they really knew.