PLEASE PLEASE Advice, relationship prob : (

[Yea217]

I am 24 years old and i have been with my boyfriend for 2+ years. I love him so much and we have so much fun together. We have very similar personalities, interests, and future goals. I love his family like my own, and we talk about moving in together and marriage.

 

The huge problem is that for the past year, I have not had sexual feelings for him. Literally, the sexual attraction just went away, and now i feel uncomfortable being intimate with him. I am in serious emotional turmoil over this (as is he) and I dont know why this has happened. We have tried to work through this, as a breakup would be devistating to us both. I find myself attracted to others, but I have not been able to feel that same attraction towards him.

 

a) what is wrong and why might this have happened?

 

b) what can I do, is it a sign that we should break up?

[Brooke657]

You guys are young but it happens. Maybe you should see a sex therapist.

[Day_Walker]

I think that you are a better judge of why you lost all sexual attraction for him than we would be. You are going to need some kind of sexual attraction for the relationship to function.

[chai714]

I think this problem could lie with both of you. Maybe he's too available for you as in you could get sex anytime you want from him. When anything becomes too plentiful or available, then humans tend to not value or appreciate it any longer. This is one possibility.

 

My take is that you're losing the emotional connection with him. Perhaps communication is poor between you two? Usually, women who develop an emotional connection with their significant other simultaneously develop and associate it with physical attraction. It's not because he or she has a killer body but more to do with their feelings about their partner. Could it be that perhaps you don't feel emotionally close to him right now?

[Yea217]

i appreciate all the replies! i feel like part of the problem may lie in the fact that i am in my first long term/monogamous relationship, and it has become-- as chai says-- too available.

 

i am just curious if sexual feelings for your partner go away, can they return? can anyone share a similar xperience or shed light

[Momene]

Sex drive can go down. Sometimes it's temporary due to stress. However, it does suffer a decline over the years and it only goes up if you move to a new relationship.

[confused25]

Yeah that kind of happened to me too two years into my previous relationship. ARe you currently on birth control? I heard that might affect your sex drive. If not, maybe you're just bored . . . try doing some new things to spice it up.

[Cyberchick]

A sex therapist sounds like a good idea. I wouldn't break up with him until you've sought some help. Good luck. I hope things work out.