Feelings about masturbation

[Happysadness 3]

Okey, my girlfriend and I just had a fight about this. I know almost everyone does it. I know my girlfriend does it, and I learned that she uses a Object... and that just made me feel like , it made me mad, it made me jealous, and it hurt me, and it makes me feel disgused. And I told her how I feel about it, and shes mad and it hurt her. But it makes me not want to touch her or anything... and I don't know why. I wish I didn't feel this way, and I wish she didn't do this. Cause everything that me and her have done together doesn't come close to what she can do to herself. And it makes me feel like she doesn't need me.

 

She says it takes time for me and her to learn what each other like.. and I understand that, but I need to stop feeling this for now cause it makes me not want to even look at her. Please help.

[melrich]

How old are you?

[EvaGina]

So your insecure about a piece of plastic.

Okay, I can ~kind of~ see your point. BUT, its not just how you make her feel... for a young girl, sex is hard, not only does she have to think about pleasing you, but she is probably also putting a ot of effort into how she looks, sounds, moves etc etc...

 

Masterbation is the fun of sex without having to worry about that, you can do it in your trackpants, you dont have to have showered and you dont have to look good....

 

Its not about you.

[jengh]

Let me ask you this: do YOU masturbate? Honestly?

 

Especially if you're a younger person, knowing your SO masturbates can feel a little ego deflating, like maybe you're just not good enough.

 

98% of everyone I know masturbates. It's a normal and healthy thing. TONS of women have "Objects".

 

Just realize, it does not in any way mean you're bad in bed. Your sex drives could simply be different or maybe she just does it as a form of relaxation before bed. Either way, it's normal.

[sddeaston]

How old are you? I find that the older I get, the more that kind of thing turns me on!! One day you will probably appreciate it.

[jengh]

^^^I agree!!! The last guy I dated LOVED it when I would get myself off... Just look at it as another form of foreplay...

[BetterKarma]

Don't be jealous of an piece of plastic.

 

Nothing can replace actually having physical contact with your partner. She's just exploring her body and figuring out what she likes and dislikes. It's normal. Most women do it.

 

As Jen4413 asked, do you masturbate? If so, then why is it problem for her to do so? And if not, why not explore this aspect of sex with each other?

[DN]

I agree with all the previous posters but would like to ask the ladies posting how they would feel if their boyfriends used an artificial vagina or a blow-up sex doll to masturbate?

[EvaGina]

^^^I agree!!! The last guy I dated LOVED it when I would get myself off... Just look at it as another form of foreplay...

 

My bf loves it as well... I think he was a bit unsure at first, but now he totally get into it.

 

about the guy/sex doll thing

No, it wouldnt bother me.

Masterbation tools are masterbation tools...

My ex went through heaps of those fake vagina vibrator things, if he was using ME six times a day I would have broken!

[jengh]

As long as I KNEW about it and it wasn't interfering with our sex life, I wouldn't have a problem with it. It might weird me out a little bit at first, honestly, but I think after a while, I'd see it's just another way of giving oneself pleasure.

[BetterKarma]

I agree with Jen, as long as I knew about it and it doesn't interfere with our sex life, I don't have a problem with that at all.

[DN]

I wouldn't have a problem with it. It might weird me out a little bit at first, honestly, but I think after a while, I'd see it's just another way of giving oneself pleasure.

It seems to me that that is basically what Happysadness is saying except his weirdness factor is a little more intense right now.

[jengh]

So, perhaps, if his girlfriend feels comfortable, he should do it with her. It might bring them closer together. Just a thought.

[EvaGina]

It seems to me that that is basically what Happysadness is saying except his weirdness factor is a little more intense right now.

 

I dno... he cant even LOOK at her and he feels betrayed.

Its a bit different to bursting into giggles if you think about it during sex.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

I was just looking at your past posts about Rachel and this jealousy towards her new toy makes sense to me. This goes beyond a "piece of plastic." From what I have read, especially in early December, there are many other issues coming into play. Basically I see a lack of trust, friendship, and respect in this relationship.

 

Case in point, you both went to chruch concert and she was oogling another guy, then deserted you to be with her friends. And you mentioned on November 16th, you figured out she lied to you about her whereabouts. So the underlying issue here is that Rachel (that I know of) has not given you any incentive to trust her, nor has she shown you any respect or let you into important aspects of her life. So, in a way, this new sex toy can be another representation of her shutting you out her life and being somewhat secretive about it. That hurts.

 

Now, if you both set up that foundation in your relationship properly, then this sex toy would not be an issue IMO. In fact, you may be intrigued with it and use it together, to explore and become closer.

 

So my advice to you is to talk to her, ask why she keeps shutting you out, being disrespectful and lying to you. But you need to call her out on it, confront her about it, if you continue to let this slide, you are only permitting this type of behavior.

 

I wish you all the best. Take care.

[heloladies21]

Just realize that your feelings on this stem from your own insecurities and hang ups about sex. This has a very big effect of pushing girls away. It's hard to do, but you need to do some real self esteem work (possibly counseling) before you're able to have successful relationships.

 

Also there are tons of other problems with this relationship which stem from your inability to stick up for yourself (low self esteem) so this relationship is headed down the wrong path anyways and will eventually end.

[Happysadness 3]

OMg kellbell... Thats what it is... Hah.

 

I didn't feel like this before she did all these thigns and I wouldn't have a problem with it if I had a different gf and she did it... Oh wow. I see now. Thanks kellbell.

 

Hmmm. I feel better now. Thanks everyone. Especially kellbell.

[Bethany]

I agree with all the previous posters but would like to ask the ladies posting how they would feel if their boyfriends used an artificial vagina or a blow-up sex doll to masturbate?

 

I'd think they were kinda desperate to have bought one in the first place, to be honest. But I have no problem with men using a vibrator on themselves because I think men really are missing out on the intensity a vibe can give, especially on the glans and frenum of the penis. Missing out BIG TIME!!!

[DN]

I'd think they were kinda desperate to have bought one in the first place, to be honest. But I have no problem with men using a vibrator on themselves because I think men really are missing out on the intensity a vibe can give, especially on the glans and frenum of the penis. Missing out BIG TIME!!!

So it's not the sexual aid that is the issue per se - it's what sort of sexual aid that it is?

[Lboogie23]

I can sort of understand your feelings. It is the same thing as women that get hurt by their boyfriend looking at porn. It makes us feel like we are not enough.

[Happysadness 3]

Ehhh, it's still bothering me... *Sigh* I talk to her about it, and it hurts her that I feel that way, and she doesn't really want to do anything sexual with me for alittle bit. And she says she feels bad, and she says she shouldn't be feeling bad cause she did nothing wrong.

 

I wish I would stop feeling this way. I know why I do, but now I need to fix it...

[kellbell]

"she says she shouldn't be feeling bad cause she did nothing wrong."

 

Yes, in this instance she has done nothing wrong. But this whole thing ties into other issues that are going on this relationship. There is very little trust so something like a sex toy can just rock the boat just a bit more causing you to feel more insecure about matters.

 

You have to take a step and really think about why this is bothering you so much and try to talk to her about it, in a very non-threatening, non-accusatory way.

[Happysadness 3]

I try to talk to her about this, but it makes her feel bad, and it does get her mad, and right now I just got off the phone with her and it was just so weird... I didn't like it. I don't know what to say or anything. And she doesn't know waht to do. I know what would help, is if she just stopped. But she sees nothing wrong with it and she said she would stop maybe, but if she did, I wouldn't believe her cause of the past, and it's just so easy to lie about this... And also she doesn't do well with working out problems, shes very independent. And she keeps her feelings to herself, and well... I'm the exact oppsite.

 

I really don't know what to do. I did go to a counsiler(However you spell it). And I told him about everything, like mine and her past, and the only thing he could say was for me to break up with her... and I don't know. I don't want too.

 

I wish there was somethign I knew, that would fix this.

[Bethany]

So it's not the sexual aid that is the issue per se - it's what sort of sexual aid that it is?

 

I dont use a vibe as a 'penis', I use it on the clit for intense simulation. So I have to beg the question, why would men feel threatened jealous or whatever over a 'vibrating instrument'?

 

Also, vibes are used for great sex between partners. I highly doubt that many couples, if any, would reach into the top drawer and pull out 'Dolly' or a plastic vagina to aid great sex! And if he did, I certainly wouldn't feel hurt of jealous because of it, I would more than likely think he was a little weird and stop dating him pretty sharpish.