Mutual breakup woes.. can the friendship remain

[RoseKnight]

Me and my ex broke up about a week ago.. after a four year relationship. we decided to remain friends because we were the best of friends before and it wasn't a nasty breakup or anything.. Right now were trying to work through the awkwardness of her having someone coming into her life and us wanting to keep contact. My heart still aches but i love her dearly... more than just as as the love of my life.. but the best friend i ever had. She wants to tell me all about this guy but respects my decision to not want to know anything right now because im still dealing with the breakup.. She's basically the only reliable person i'm able to talk to about this... Any advice other than NC you guys could give? i know its a weird situation lol so just bear with me and throw whatever ideas you have out in the air

[danman4968]

Well, staying friends hurts...plain and simple...a long hard recovery is most likely ahead of you. Is it possible to keep low, or no contact with her...it helps tremendously.

 

Could you possibly tell her that you wish to remain friends...but you need some time to yourself...to recover a bit.

[Parsley]

I had a mutual break up last year, we'd been together 2.5 years. We said we wanted to be friends but for a long time it would prove difficult. We didn't try to force things, and there were a few times we had to go places together, alone, but nothing happened. We even had to go to Paris together for a week, and it was really difficult.

 

But now, we are good friends, I spent the day with him last Monday actually, just us, watching tv, talking about love-lives and all that. You just can't try to do things too quickly, and back off when things get too difficult. Keep it natural. Because it was a mutual break up it means it isn't so one-sided, there's less resentment and pain towards one of the couple. You decided to break up because it was for the best right?

[renaissancewoman101]

I've stayed friends with my first ex. We broke up because he felt more drawn to the gay lifestyle. I still love him somewhat. It's not been an easy road because he went on to find a bf who got very jealous of our close friendship and did a lot to try to break that friendship.

 

If you guys still care bout each other, but are not compatible, then yeah, it is possible to have a friendship. Keep in mind that it wont be easy and you will have your heart broken a few times, esp if she goes on to date guys and tells you about it. But if you care about her and she cares about you, and you BOTH want to stay in each other's lives, then it is possible.

[Parsley]

Renaissance woman - my ex came out last year as well, lol. Maybe that contirbutes to being able to stay friends? I don't see him as a guy anymore...that sounds so bad. He seems more asexual. Plenty of my friends seem that way to me, male or female. You know how you don't see your close friends as male or female, there's no way you would go there, so it doesn't really enter your head? Like that.

[RoseKnight]

Hey guys, thanks for the replies.. we talked today about everything and i think we have stuff sorted out.. yes it does hurt but for the most part yeah we werent all that compatable and we do still love each other, and of course i just wanted her to be happy, she reassured me of a few things that made me feel alot better.. hehe i even get to give the "If you hurt her I hurt you" speach to the intended BF to be. Its gonna be a little rough but i think its gonna turn out allright in the end. will post more when i start feeling even better (or during my down times). again thanks guys

[finewhine]

Wait - she met someone ONE WEEK out of a four-year relationship and you don't want to gouge out her eyes?

[melrich]

Me and my ex broke up about a week ago.. after a four year relationship.

 

Wow that is a very tough gig to slip straight from relationship to friendship after 4 years. Good luck with it but I have to agree with finewhine a bit.