I feel like I'll never find the right guy. It's so depressing.

[Lily04]

ok thanks. i'll likely be there around 11:00/11:30 anyway... so unless he works out then, we prob. won't meet. i guess that's for him to worry about though. as you said... i'll leave it in his court. thx

[lifestream]

I think you should stop analyzing whether your personalities will clash. If you go in with that mindset they'll be bound to clash! It's the same thing with many things. If you fixate on a certain aspect, that becomes your reality.

For example if you're driving, if you worry about getting into an accident, it's more likely you WILL get into an accident. That's why you can't fixate on cars you don't want to hit, but keep your eyes on the road ahead. See what I'm saying?

 

Don't overanalyze the situation and just take it as it comes. And I agree, the ball is in his court. If he doesn't get he doesn't realize that you're into him then...oh well, he's dense

[Lily04]

yeah you're right, i shouldn't overanalyze. but I just sent what he said (verbatim) to Batya and she basically thinks he doesn't sound that interested.. but was just being nice in response.

[Batya33]

Just to be clear - I think he might be attracted to you and he might be interested in spending time with you if you two happen to be at the gym at the same time on Saturday. I don't see any interest - yet -from him in dating you or going on a date with you. This could change, of course.

[Lily04]

Ok. And just to be clear, I've decided I'm not going to be there on Saturday.

[Lily04]

I still have this persistent feeling that I won't find the right guy though. I don't know why. I have a feeling I'll get married in my mid-30s perhaps. Maybe because I am way too complicated for any guy to take an interest. And I have a too strong personality....but at the same time can be quite vulnerable. I'm just a mix of everything, it's so bizarre. I've only had 1 boyfriend....and i wasn't physically attracted to him.

 

there's like one guy whose personality i really like and we get along though, but i am not physically attracted to him. i think if he were more attractive it could potentially work, and he's the closest so far... he's 27, in undergrad though, and I think I can relate to him because we're both sorta 'starting over' in a way and have ambitions of going to law school for alternative dispute resolution...(well. he is... it was something i considered at one point in time.) He's also very confident, witty and just has something 'off' that i really dig that makes him unique.

 

But he'll always remain an acquaintance i think. it's tough. i'm not even aiming for perfection here, but just someone I can at least have some physical chemistry with and whose personality clicks....it seems impossible...

[Batya33]

First, what is wrong with getting married in your mid-30s?

 

Second, if you believe you are that complicated and that that hurts your chances of connecting with someone romantically, what would being 10 years older have to do with it? Do you have some notion that people get less selective as they get older? Or that they are more tolerant? I can tell you that perhaps some are but some get even more selective/less tolerant of qualities in a potential mate because by that time, if you have a home and a career you want to be even more careful of who you partner with/who you share that all with. And, some have already been married/have kids so they need to take that into account too when connecting with someone.

[Lily04]

Well thanks for the note of optimism Batya, i can always count on your for that.

[lifestream]

As I said before, if you have this feeling, it will eat at you and become a self-fulfilling prophecy. No guy will be the right guy because that's what you will perceive, and that's what you will keep seeing. Instead of looking at all the great qualities, why purposely look at flaws?

 

I do agree that physical attraction is important, but don't forget that physical beauty will probably wane faster than other qualities.

 

And again, everyone has flaws, some need to be re-evaluated but some really don't need to be changed. It's part of being human. I know it's tough, because I'm selective myself. And I've decided not to go after girls who aren't physically attractive enough and lately I've thought to myself "What if that turned out to be something really great, if she and I dated instead of me pushing her away?"

 

In a weird way, I find the more attractive someone's personality is, generally the more attractive that person appears on the outside. Maybe you need to cut people some slack and give some wallflowers who have a great personality a chance? You may grow physically attracted.

 

I don't know though, everyone's different.

[mintblossom]

Finding a guy won't solve anything.

[i1dr]

I read your standards and desires and I think I have the perfect place for you to start looking. The local bookstore ... right in that harlequin romance section

 

PS. Any idea where I could find the same qualities in female form. I've been looking in the real world ... and looking .... and looking .....

 

.... sigh.

[mintblossom]

can i suggest divorce court? get them while their hot.

[Lily04]

i don't get it.

[mintblossom]

I was joking. Sad. No one gets it.

[Lily04]

Thanks yokey. I think you're right.....it just gets kinda lonely sometimes, and I enjoy dating too. I think I need a more active friend group -- most of my friends are somewhat homebodies or have bfs and don't want to go out. it's also hard since i don't live in the city, I commute... but i'm going to aim to go out at least 2-3x/month (i don't want to go out too much, given my financial situation as well and the city i live in can be quite expensive.....) so maybe that will help me have fun and take my mind off of things..

 

BUT: update on situation with the shy guy: I didn't meet him at the gym yesterday. And I didn't e-mail him to tell him I wasn't going to meet him as he didn't ask anyway.....so that's that I suppose...

[lifestream]

Sweetie, I don't know how to tell you this any other way... you're 22 years old. My refrigerator is older than you. You have LOTS of road ahead. Live your life, pursue your interests, make your own way, and you'll find a guy. You don't know me, and I'm a smart@ss so you definitely shouldn't listen to me, but I guarantee you on my life that if you follow this advice, rich romance will find you. Develop your career, travel, invest your energy in a pursuit other than tuning your MySpace site - you know, something that gets you out in the real world (I sail; it can be anything). Laugh, live, and love will come. Trust me, I'm old. Share this advice with your 22 year old friends and they will think you are the wisest person they know. They'll revere you as a goddess.

 

I agree completely with this. The only way to fulfillment is through oneself, improving oneself and sharing the person you've wanted to become with others, spreading your light. Someone will eventually see the flicker