Flirting: Flattery and Sexual Promise

[samsoner]

While I understand the definition of flirting, it is hard to actually put it into practice, because I have been making comments that are simply "Nice guy" compliments instead of really flirtatious comments to the women I've met.

 

But at the same time I want to avoid the dreaded pick-up line: "If only you and I were a couple..I'd give you a sweet sensation". Sounds filthy, huh?

 

So without resorting to a book, how can I learn from you guys and gals on how to practice my flirting better? Last night I actually sat in front of my laptop thinking of what I could say but what I had written down sounded like innocent, non-effective compliments.

 

Thanks,

Samsoner

[charley]

OK, while I'm generally not successful at dating, I am rather good at attraction and flirting issues, I think. I seem to do well locally at attraction and flirting.

 

The key is to convey in a polite way that you are attracted to her personality. Also, in a polite, but clear way that you are attracted to her face, body, etc and feel a physical attraction. It's that combination of attractions to personality and looks that they tend to enjoy, and it's that combination of attractions that makes me smitten.

 

For examples of flirting compliments to her personality (use one or two each time you meet, but NOT more than 2 in same meeting):

 

I like you.

 

You're fun to talk to.

 

You're interesting.

 

There's many others you can think of.

 

For examples of POLITE flirting compliments to her looks, body, and sexuality that make it clear (in a polite way) that you want her (use one or two each time you meet, but NOT more than 1 in same meeting, ration the compliments):

 

If she has a tan, then, "You have a nice tan". That subtely tells her you are looking at her face and/or body, and you like, but you've expressed it in a subtle, polite way.

 

If she has a nice dress on, "I like your dress. It's very nice." or "I like your dress. It's very beautiful." Once again, it tells her that you're noticing her clothes, and it's implied that you're also noticing her body in her clothes and you like.

 

"I like your hair. It's looks really nice." or "I like your hair. It's beautiful." Here again, your telling her in a complimentary way that you do look her over and you like what you see. She can then go on to imagine what else you might see and like, but you're to much a gentlemen to mention those things. So extra points!

 

Other examples that accomplish same: "You're pretty" (you like her face). "You're beautiful" (implies you like her face and body, whole package).Those are a bit more direct, but they're still polite.

 

Mentioning her legs would be to forward for some women, but others would like it. I can generally guess in advance how she'd take that, and if I'd dare, based on her personality. However, you are nervous and tentative at this time, and "legs" are a slightly risky subject. So avoid that for now.

 

I always avoid any mention of T or A because that's not polite topics for flirting, except with either a wilder woman, who I doubt you'd be approaching, or a woman you already have an established dating and/or sexual relationship with. So for your situation, avoid any mention of unmentionables. If in doubt, avoid unmentionables.

 

The above are my opinions. No doubt, others will have other ideas. The above works for me.

[real2]

I saw this in a documentary somewhere on BBC, and apparently usage of the word "sexy" as often as possible is a very good way of flirting.

 

This was in association with club hopping though, since when I used the term sexy during friendly get togethers with girl "friends", it didnt quite have the same reception.

 

So don't use terms that their mother would otherwise tell them like cute, or handsome. Keep it in a sexual context if you want that as your final objective.

[charley]

So don't use terms that their mother would otherwise tell them like cute, or handsome. Keep it in a sexual context if you want that as your final objective.

 

I agree with the above, although sex isn't my objective. It's just part of my eventual objective since I want love too.

 

I think the word "sexy" or "hot" is to obvious and not classy enough. There's many ways to subtlely compliment her sexual attractiveness while still being subtle enough to be classy. If you told her she's pretty, or beautiful, that conveys sexual attraction, but does so with some class.

[Blackhawk2009]

interesting..im gona try this with my online friend that i have an attraction with lol

[theclockman]

 

"I like your hair. It's looks really nice."

 

thats good, nice and subtle, i think ill try that one! thx

[Blackhawk2009]

yea i actually used 2 of them last night with a girl, your pretty, your fun to talk 2.

 

but all i got for a reply was "thanks*

 

which i think is no good idk..in girls terms

[Aurian]

Well, I don't always know how to respond to compliments - I would probably respond in a similar way if I was a bit surprised, but say it with a blush or big smile

[real2]

yea i actually used 2 of them last night with a girl, your pretty, your fun to talk 2.

 

but all i got for a reply was "thanks*

 

which i think is no good idk..in girls terms

 

I told a girl she smelled real nice, resulting in her becoming flattered. She stammered a bit and said *thanks* as well. She complimented me a couple times as well, but nothing major. Made her laugh a couple times, had some fun teachin her to dance, seemed to be doin good.

 

Later on though, when trying to converse with her again, she became very dry and seemed uninterested, primarily on msn.

 

Seeing as how I react the same way to people im not interested in over msn, I can pretty much deem her uninterested at the moment.

[Weeblie]

I'm a bit confused. I didn't know telling someone they look nice is a way of flirting. I thought flirting required a bit of teasing and some physical interaction? Like looking out from the corner of your eye with a shy smile. Or touching the person's waist if you have to pass behind them in a narrow hallway. Or touching their hair when they've gotten a new haircut?

 

Is flirting really as simple as a compliment?

[Blackhawk2009]

i dont know.

 

but i noticed she never compliments me..haha maybe shes not interested in me..never noticed this before lol

[g1234567890h]

I'm surpised no one here mentioned the most important part of flirting: BODY LANGUAGE

 

Psychologists estimate that between 50%-90% of all communication is through nonverbal cues. thereforeeee, it can be construed that it really doesn't matter what comes out of your mouth, it's the vibes from your body. You can flirt with someone with just a smile and eye contact.

 

When I flirt with someone, I don't say a single thing. I just look into her eyes and move with her. 90% of the time I couldn't care less about what's coming out of her mouth. I smile, laugh, nod, and whenever she shifts her body a certian way I shift my body a certian way. The most important thing is to never, ever be the first one to break eye contact. This doesn't mean that I'm not listening to her, because one of the best ways to flirt is to have a witty retort.

 

You kind of have to tailor your remarks to the person you're talking to. Like if she's wearing enormnous hoop earrings, you say "Were those earrings bracelets in a past life?" Or if she's wearing a nice dress with lots of sequins you say, "Who died and made you queen and of what country?"

 

And it's okay to say the most stupid stuff as long as you say it in the right tone of voice. That I can't really describe to you.

 

The best kind of flirting is when she doesn't even know you're flirting with her, because if you ask a girl if she likes guys flirting with her she will (in my opinion) say no.

 

Here's a couple ways I've flirted with girls in the past. Bear in mind that 90% of the time I flirt with girls I have no actual interest in pursuing them. My girlfriend came after me and we were really not into playing games with each other, but I know how to flirt and girls ask me on dates pretty often.

 

I was talking to my friend and making him laugh. I saw a girl sitting nearby who was laughing at what we were talking about. We made eye contact and I went up to her, opened up my drawing pad, and asked if I could draw her portrait. She said yes and I commented on how her hair was pulled up into a really tight ponytail and she should let it out because her hair is beautiful (it was red). I asked her name and what she was interested in. I finished up the portrait (which was pretty damn good, thank you very much) and I met her again next class. After that I figured out she had a boyfriend but it was still fun.

 

I went to my chiropractor's office and saw a poster that had bad grammar. I pointed it out to the receptionist and she told me everyone who was a writer or a teacher commented on it. I told her I'm a writer, editor, and novelist. I told her I teach preschool too and I'm in college working towards a PhD. She smiled and said she was getting too old and she just wanted an associate's degree. I told he she certinaly didn't look old. The whole time she was blushing and getting nervous. I was already in a relationship so I just let her go. I have no idea if she's single or not but it was fun.

 

So if I was going after a girl that's how I'd do it. I don't know if it will work for you, but I see flirting as more of a hobby than an actual relationship starter.

[real2]

"The most important thing is to never, ever be the first one to break eye contact."

 

"The most important thing is to never, ever be the first one to break eye contact."

 

"The most important thing is to never, ever be the first one to break eye contact."

 

I want to remember this one. It works for more than just flirting. You can do great things with just the eyes

 

Alot of people, including myself, have a subconscious incentive to wander the eyes, or do occasional shifts onto other objects during a conversation and shift back.

[Weeblie]

But wouldn't that ^ come accross as confrontational?

[galaxy71]

I'm a bit confused. I didn't know telling someone they look nice is a way of flirting. I thought flirting required a bit of teasing and some physical interaction? Like looking out from the corner of your eye with a shy smile. Or touching the person's waist if you have to pass behind them in a narrow hallway. Or touching their hair when they've gotten a new haircut?

 

Is flirting really as simple as a compliment?

 

There are two types of flirting. One type of flirting is direct. A guy goes up to a girl and tells her that she is beautiful. The guy is directly showing his interest in the girl through a compliment. The type of flirting you mention above is indirect. In that type of flirting, you show interest in someone you like through your body language, and playfulness rather than through a compliment. Both types of flirting work. But these two types of flirting are rather different.

 

To the OP: Have you considered trying indirect flirting? There is nothing wrong with complimenting a girl. It's just that a lot of attractive women are used to guys giving her compliments all the time. They know that guys value her for her looks all the time. When you act playful with a girl and tease her, you are doing something that she is not so used to with guys. Flirting can be done done through teaching her a handshake or playing a fun game like thumb wresting. Here's an example:

 

Guy: My ex-girlfriend was talking about ESP with me. She really believes in this stuff. Let's see if ESP exists. Pick up a number between 1 and 10. You picked 7.

 

Girl(smiling): I picked 5.

 

Guy: Hey, you ruined the game, you dork!

 

In my opinion, compliments are too hit and miss. The girl has the choice to accept or reject your statement of interest. If she rejects your statement of interest, there's a good chance that you are finished and that you have no choice but to walk away. With indirect flirting, you have more margin for error. If she doesn't like your line or routine, you could try some other material.

[g1234567890h]

But wouldn't that ^ come accross as confrontational?

 

If you were living in Asia, it would be. But in America, it's polite.

[i1dr]

Be yourself ... be sincere (and sincere only!) and be friendly. Oh ... and get out there (smiling)

Nature will take it's course.

I personally believe that it is worth it's weight in gold to give and not expect back. Give a smile, talk to the person if they seem interesting ... but don't go looking for something specific. It stiffles the genuine possibilities too much.

 

No pressure is best, is what I'm tryhing to say and that can only really happen when there is not too much emphasis place on the outcome. Just do it for fun ... and once in a while you will meet someone that will just make you want to jump up and down inside. That is half the way - then you just have to hope that they feel the same way. If not ... smile and move on. Patience and generosity ... those are two vital ingredients.