samsoner

And, what's the difference between an older man taking care of a younger woman vs. a young guy taking care of a woman his age? What does a woman mean exactly when she wants to be with a man that makes her feel secure? I visited another forum (outside of enotalone) that had college girls talking about their preferences for older guys. I'm still in college and a few years before I tried to date women around my same age who were fun, had interesting personalities, intelligent, and loved to do a variety of things beyond the party lifestyle. But, no matter how hard I tried, I could never get into a relationship of any kind with them. I was always the "friend", or worse they didn't answer emails or a phone call anymore. Then, through friends and associates I found out that the same women dated guys who were 30 or 40 years older than them. Thus I withdrew from dating, and focused on my job and talents. I developed an attitude where it was more fun to do what I liked doing than focus intently on getting women in bed, developing an LTR and then settling down like a "normal" guy. The reason why I'm going back to dating is because I'm going to attend a new school and I've learned (from older buddies) that you can date without feeling pressured to settle down. But the old problem of women dating older guys hasn't gone away. I want to believe that I can compete with the unknown 45 year old corporate exec, the 56 year old bank manager, or the 38 year old art director who can get women to flock to them easily. But how? What are the assets a young guy should have in order to convince a young woman that not all guys her age are IMMATURE? I certainly don't see myself as an immature person.

While I understand the definition of flirting, it is hard to actually put it into practice, because I have been making comments that are simply "Nice guy" compliments instead of really flirtatious comments to the women I've met. But at the same time I want to avoid the dreaded pick-up line: "If only you and I were a couple..I'd give you a sweet sensation". Sounds filthy, huh? So without resorting to a book, how can I learn from you guys and gals on how to practice my flirting better? Last night I actually sat in front of my laptop thinking of what I could say but what I had written down sounded like innocent, non-effective compliments. Thanks, Samsoner

What are the main personality/non-communication factors about ourselves that make: Friends not want to speak or hang out with us Other people reluctant to become friends with us.The only one I can think of right now is not talking to friends frequently (like once a week). I personally have a serious problem with catching up on or showing constant, steady interest in other people's affairs. But what are the other common issues that hamper us from having strong friendships or developing any at all?

Before I go into my question, I just wanted to share my thoughts..a lady friend told me that she just had sex with the guy she's been seeing. In her own particular way. She used words like "Relaxation, snuggling with a teddy bear all weekend, stayed in bed all weekend, friend came over to talk about stuff, e.t.c." She giggled, laughed a little bit, and the innuedos were so many and she was so vague about her weekend that I figured it out. She got me upset and I was surprised by her actions, because the last thing I want to hear (as a guy who failed to attract her) is how her sexual experience went. I can't call her directly on it, so it's going to be left alone. Anyways, my question is what can cause a first date to fail for the guy? She thinks he's handsome, initially she thinks he's boyfriend-material, and they have excellent conversations. The chemisty is there! But after the second and third date, she decides that they should become friends, which totally dissappoints him after he's made an attempt to kiss her. So if he's passed many things with flying colors, then why does she want to be friends with him after all of that? Thanks.

What exactly are those exercises, if they do exist? It is more than just talking to people..I do that constantly at work and still whenever I go out to other social situations I make people feel uncomfortable around me because I'm not a very positive person. I want to create a routine where I'm doing something that will make me feel happier with myself and others. It's important because right now I'm taking a SALSA CLASS. And I have to do something before all of the women in the class will view me as a very serious, humorless guy. I'm not doing well in the salsa class, and I'm taking it hard because our teacher will deduct points for any mistakes made, no matter how small. Originally I want to look good in the class but now it seems that I have to feel good as well. Part of the reason why I'm negative is because I'm shy and also I'm assuming that the women in the class feel uncomfortable around me. I heard of this one technique where a person forced himself to smile more by standing in the mirror for a while with a pencil clamped between his teeth. I tried it but stopped because my open mouth began to drool. It was silly anyways..I need something more substanial and long-lasting..more of a mental aid. Thanks

Another question: How come women use the "complications" issue as a defense tactic if a male friend wants to pursue a romantic relationship with her? While it's true that friends turn into lovers, there is a lot situations where the woman feels that love will "harm the friendship". This was told me to recently by a girl I like. And this was after we spent Saturday evening walking in a park, (something she could've done with her "special someone") after a long bike trip a week ago, (again, something she could've done with her date) and after several movie dates that were followed by a dinner at Pasta Pomodoro or hanging out a coffee shop for more than an hour. In my defense I basically told her that the "friendship" is at the core of many successful relationships. I would never harm that, nor would I lose interest, cheat, lie, or anything else harmful. She knows that I'm a trustworthy man. Told me that I'm handsome. She knows that I can be really thoughtful, like playing her music in the car whenever we go someplace. And she knows that I have a life of my own. She's invited me to certain things and I told her "can't make it." In her eyes I'm not a push-over. Recently on our walk around Central I put my arm on her shoulder and she didn't flinch. She gave me this really long hug after she told me that she wasn't into a relationship with me. It's weird, because any other female friend would say "let's be friends" and would never hug me or spend time with me more than an hour. With this girl, I feel that I'm almost there and that there is something about me that prevents from having a relationship with her. I also believe that she doesn't have a boyfriend because whenever we go out on social excursions with me, her and her friends she doesn't bring "him" along.

relationships complicated? How do you avoid these complications?

Hi, There is a wonderful woman who I like. I've had a crush on her for the longest and now I want to really announce it to her, but I thought of a way that might be romantic. I could bring a dinner over to her place, complete with music to dance to and a T-shirt from the Afrofunk concert I just came from (about an hour ago! ). I honestly don't know how to cook and we had agreed to meet at the end of next week, so there isn't time. Besides chinese take-out, what type of food is excellent to bring to a woman's place? My original plan was to meet her at a cafe near her place, give her the music CD as a gift (she likes Bob Dylan and world music) for her Sunday morning walks. I would like to spend time with her there, flirt with her and then suggest or ask if we could go to her place and play the music. But it's still very platonic. There shouldn't be a problem because she was at my place for a birthday party. She doesn't think I'm a sleaze but she probably has figured out that I like her.I don't expect anything wild and fun to happen..I only want to be closer to her.

And afterwards you plan to walk through the park and other lively areas of your city. Keeping in mind of your present environment, what are some of the best ways to sexually arouse your date? This has always confused me because I've felt it to be awkward talking to my date one minute and then kissing her the next. Years ago, during my very first relationship with a girl, we walked through town on a hot afternoon and cuddled on a bench near the docks. She made her move and kissed me! Thanks for your help.

Hi, I'm going to a dinner/house party with a group of new friends. We're going to have the dinner first (we're eating italian and asian food) then later on more people will come through for the party. Problem: It's been a long time since I've been to a party and I have no idea what to talk about. My goals are to solidify my friendship with the people who invited me, because they haven't gotten used to me yet. And, I believe there's still something that I'm not doing or saying that prevents them from directly going up to me and starting up a positive, lively conversation. The party is important because if I make a good self-impression of myself it might lead to other things with this group of people..more parties, a camping trip, a concert get-together and more. My second goal is prepare myself for this summer, because I'm sure that this will be the first of many many parties that I will attend this summer. Even if I don't solidfy friendships at this party, there are still other opportunities to meet new people. But want to avoid making the same social interaction mistakes that cause a person to fail at making new friends from a group of strangers. My biggest mistake is that I'm too silent. I talk minimally whenever I'm in a social group and this needs to stop. It's been proven that a silent person makes others uncomfortable because the person doesn't share what he/she is thinking. Then, one person has to volunteer to strike up a conversation for the silent person: "So Bob, um..how do you like the party so far?". I don't want to be like that..I am hoping that this weekend I can just hit the ground running and immediately strike up a conversation with the guests at any party I go to. BTW, I know that I have other options besides making friends at parties, but since it is summer most of the people I plan to meet will be doing something fun.

I am there to learn salsa, yet a part of me feels that I should take one of my lady friend's along with me. I don't want the girls in the class to think that I'm alone and also that I'm looking for women to date in the future if I go by myself. Maybe that idea sounds stupid.. What do you guys and gals think?

Hi everyone, When a man is attempting to convince a girl that he's the one for her (during the initial attraction/flirting moments or during a date) what are the many things that cause him to self-destruct, to the point where the girl thinks "mmm, he's just not for me..I'll pass"? What are the common pitfalls that a man should try to steer clear of, concerning his: voice projection, verbal and non-verbal communication style, looks, personality, intelligence, sexiness (or lack thereof) ?

Does anyone know what the steps are? I am now doing exciting things that I love (my job, camping trips, biking, some music) however my demeanor hasn't changed or improved. I've been told that I talk in a monotone, and at first I denied that but I agree that alot of other guys talk with more emotion and energy than I do. It's strange and unfortunate that I can't even force myself to "act out" with my speech. I believe that one reason I wasn't successful with the girls I tried to date is because I didn't show enough emotion in my personality which was supposed to translate that I really liked the girl I was dating and really wanted to be with her. Even some of the "quiet" guys I know manage to have relationships or a healthy sex life because when they're around someone they really like, they SHOW it.

I noticed alot that before a girl really gets to a know a man who's interested in her, she doesn't prefer him to be a "too nice of a guy". I've heard the comment over and over that nice guys are vanilla compared to other guys. So, in what ways do we communicate to a girl that we're not "too nice" without either offending her or alienating her? I made the mistake of acting aloof and pretending that I was disinterested in a girl once and she didn't take the hint and fully thought I was not into her. Light debates that show that you're sticking to YOUR opinion while she's sticking to hers? Teasing?

But I guess not, at least not while you're in the main work area. Whenever my co-worker/supervisor and I go to an office to install electrical devices, he is usually the one who openly talks to a woman who works there as the receptionist or an office assistant. Even though I'm not the talker, I'm doing my best to learn by listening in on the short conversation between him and a woman. I finally figured out how he's successful with flirting with girls at work. When he breaks the ice, he doesn't introduce himself. "Hi, how are you. My name is…" Instead, he acts as if he's also a co-worker of the female who has known her for many years. He observes something that the girl is doing, or something that the girl has just experienced in the work place, or whatever object the girl has in her possession. Then, he makes a comment based upon what he saw and he does it in a way that makes the girls laugh or allows him to talk to them even further. This is what happened today at work: We worked in an office full of interns, and we both noticed that every office worker was going by this one girl's cubicle, giving her flowers and other niceties. Then around lunch time all of the interns gathered at the break table and celebrated her birthday. I was working and at that time didn't pay attention, but I noticed the birthday cake. Anyways, when my co-worker and I were packing up for the day, the b-day girl walks in the storage room. Co-worker: "Hey I noticed that you guys were celebrating someone's birthday." Office intern: (smiles) "Oh, that was me. I'm the birthday girl." Co-worker: (positively) "Well, Happy Birthday, then." Office intern: "Actually, my birthday was yesterday..and I didn't come in." Co-worker: "3-day weekend, huh? Yeah, I like to take off on my birthday as well." So that's how the conversation went. He had something that he could break the ice with her, because he was being observant, and he was more aggressive in wanting to talk to her. If I was in his place I might have second thoughts about talking to the office intern OR I wouldn't have anything ready to say at all! Because this is my problem: I don't know how to effectively connect my casual observation of a woman with a witty, short conversation that (a) makes her feel at ease within my company, (b) shows that I'm a personable guy instead of an all-business, stuck-up guy © makes her feel great about herself/special, and (d) slightly shows that I have an interest IN TALKING TO HER MORE. How do you really accomplish using your observations of someone to flirt in the right way? Some boundaries I know that I should never cross..like mentioning about a woman's perfume because THAT would get me kicked off of the jobsite.

dance class, starting with salsa. For about a few weeks I've been asking her "how's your classes" but now I'm curious as to whether or not she's taking the classes with her boyfriend, or by herself, or with another female friend. My goal is to see if I could become her dance partner, but I know that it might not happen. So, I'd like to learn how to communicate in a way that lets her know that I'm interested in learning the dance without blatantly asking her "can I be your dance partner?" My friend suggested this because there's a chance that my co-worker could be the initiator. For example, she might say: "Oh, you said you wanted to learn salsa? How about if you join my class? It's only 20 bucks for drop-in." One thing I learned is that sometimes dance is a certain neutral area for a man and a woman who are already attached to someone else. I remember dancing with girls who were already dating other guys, and when they weren't around (because they had to work or do something else) the girls would call me up to ask if I could dance with them. But that was in highschool. I think for right now the best thing I could do is mention how much I'd like to learn the dances that she's learning and keep the ball in her court. What inspired me to think about dancing with her is another co-worker from a different job. This guy loves to flirt with ladies and one time he actually had breakfast with a girl who already had a boyfriend and a kid. Back then I was a little shocked, but he didn't go further with her and in fact they still talk to each other constantly.

How does a man or a woman come accross a situation (or opportunity) like that? It seems that the majority of girls I know don't have any pity for me at all, so right now pity sex is out of reach. Does pity sex usually happen more to guys than girls?

I wish I could help you..but I guess the best bet is to talk to him. I feel that this might be the same situation if I get together with one of my female friends. With me it would not be a spur of the moment, because I actually want to see if she's romantically interested in me or not. How is this going to happen? Well I will volunteer with her, and then walk her back to her place. I'll ask her questions like: "Are u currently dating someone?" within our conversation. I figure that asking her questions about US will be the best way to plan for anything that comes up (kiss on the lips good night, vs. friendly hug). The question I have, like you, is WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN NEXT? Traditionally, if two friends have sex they don't become friends anymore..instead its lovers or a romantic couple until they break up and (1) never see each other again, and (2) go back to being friends. Option (2) sounds really good, and I might just decide to take my connection with my girl friend to a whole new level..or you and your guy friend might go ahead and become a romantic couple and eventually become friends again. Some romantic couples don't have happy break-ups.

lol I have a crush on this girl and she likes me alot..but her brother gets in the way. When I'm calling (she doesn't have her own number) he always answers, and even though we both have the same class we don't talk to each other at all. I keep my distance all the time. But now, my (possible, future) girlfriend has invited me over to her family's holiday party and I thought to myself: This would be a great chance to show this dude that I'm an alright guy. But the question is how can I possibly relate to this guy? I assume that he's got a video game system so I'm bringing some of my video games. Any other ways that I could bond with her brother?

Hi, My situation is unique..my parents are gone for the holidays so I have the house to myself and this usually happens every year. There's a female friend of mine who I like to hang out with during the holidays and because I have the whole house to myself, I've had this mild fantasy of inviting her over to my place for a slightly romantic dinner. Because in the years past I would meet her someplace in the city's shopping and entertainment area and that would (1) become boring and (2) I would feel jealous because in that area around the holidays you see alot of cute couples together..yet it is just me and my female friend. What I need to do is figure out how to set this up. Also, there's a chance that it might not be dinner at my place.. instead it would be close to her place, which is close to the dining/restaurant area of her city. Her city is a nice place to eat, watch a movie and then walk around while I live in the suburbs of my metropolis (fun factor=0). This would be more ideal, and I could drive and bring food items to her. However..she lives with her older brother and I don't know how he'll take to strangers. I will call her tonight and if she agrees to come to my place then I would love to hear some tips..romantic and dinner-wise. Thanks and happy holidays!!

like a friend or close co-worker if he or she could introduce you to a girl that What terms have to be in place in order for this phenomenom to actually happen? What should you do on your part? OR is it entirely on your friend/co-worker's call to introduce his or her girl friend to you? I wish more things like that would happen to me, because THEY DO HAPPEN. Impromptu matchmaking for love or business networking interests happen alot, and I don't want to feel left out.

friend? Or, what activities? I'm kinda lost there. I used to be in an occupational training program years ago and I got along with one of the people there. We lost contact for years, then last year he was a teachers assistant at the program and so we talked to each other again. But we didn't hang out..instead he would invite me to parties where him and his friends would be at, and so I would say whats up to him and try to mingle with the others, but no such luck. He didn't hook me up with a girl, nor did I ask him to because I didn't want to appear needy. This happened in the summer of last year when people literally opened their doors to strangers who wanted to party. One thing I found clearly difficult was merging into the guy's circle of friends, who I had found out, all came from another city and went to highschool together. So I gave up and stopped going to the parties, lost contact with the dude again. Now in the present, a classmate from my Spring semester emailed me back about going on a bike ride, and I thought that would be kinda cool to start things off again, but I'm trying to think of other social things I could do with the classmate and friends. I really wouldn't have this problem if I had my own set of long-time friends from childhood. If I had my own pack, I'd probably have tons of ideas for the weekend.

Another question, how do you become less intimidated by women's expectations? It seems that they (online seekers) want alot of amazing traits in men in order to keep women interested in them. Humor is a very big expectation. Guys, how do you come up with the ability to make a woman laugh every 3-4 minutes? I think that humor will be my #1 trail blazer.

"Welcome back Samsoner!!!!!" yayyyyyy oK, maybe I'm having too much fun with this. My question is, HOW DO YOU PREPARE YOURSELF TO GET BACK INTO THE DATING LIFE, after a long drought? Work and school and my small business has been so stuck on my mind that already the year is nearly over and I haven't dated 2 or 3 girls a month like my friend does. Dating also includes online dating..and the question I have for that is: What could I say in my post or email reply that makes me stand out from other guys? Thanks