55 Days & Fallin' Apart

[sparkles_luvs_eze]

Im 20 yrs old and just got married in Dec. to my boyfriend of 2 yrs. We love each other very much but and I know that there were going to be problems trying to merge 2 lives into 1- but Im so depressed becuase he said that maybe he wasnt ready to be tied down yet because he still finds inself flirting w/ other girls and that he wants to party... which is strange because he doesnt party or do the club thing... I dont know what to do... leave or stay or work it out... I need some help!! I dont want to lose him.. I LOVE HIM!!

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone. did you two have premarital counseling before you got married? are you both willing to see a counselor or a therapist of sorts to try to save your marriage?

[Jeff777]

Sometimes in the beginning of a marriage the going can be tough - adjustment and all. Committment for guys - yeah.

 

Get into counseling. Try to work things out. Wishing you the best.

[sparkles_luvs_eze]

At our church our preacher suggested couseling before we were married- too bad we didnt did it then.. maybe we could have avoided this mess. All this finally came out today about 5 hours ago and it was all my fault for asking him questions about flirting and stuff like that- the next this I knew we were talking about how we would divide up all our stuff... It's all going so fast!! A lot of our problems started when he began working away from home. We only see each other 1 day a week.. and we try to cram as much "us" time in there that it gets crazy... his job is tearing us apart... we should be enjoying our new marriage.. not fighting to keep it! I just spoke with him and he said "I love you and were gonna work through all of this... I want to have a good week and I want you to have a fun week too... we'll celebrate our Valentine's Day this coming weekend and remember that I love you and only you" ..... it all sounds so good but how can we work through him wanting to be with other girls and have me wainting on him when he wants me as his little wife.... I want to be his everything ... only me...

[radioheader]

the beginning is so hard...some guys are just so good at playing both sides so beware...i don't want you to give up i just want you to have your eyes wide open since you know there is a problem...get into therapy and try to work thru this...

 

when my husband started talking about dividing stuff and wanting to be on his own there was another woman...this is not normal talk for newly weds so get help asap and good luck!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

you can't start a marriage with him threatening to split up the stuff every time he gets mad and you don't give in... that's a bit of emotional blackmail on his part...

 

he is extremely immature if he can't stick with his marriage vows after only 2 months, and he's flirting with girls while away from you... is there any chance that he can change jobs to be near you, or vice versa? but at the same time, i wouldn't give up a really good job if you think he will be leaving you...

 

i really think that you have to insist on marriage or church counseling at this point, to nip this problem in the bud, or decide that he is not committed enough to be married to you, before you have children or other commitments to split up like houses and joint debts/accounts etc.

 

if he won't go into counseling with you, then he just isn't committed enough to be married to you, and i wouldn't trust what he is doing the other 6 days he doesn't see you, especially if he is making comments about it...

 

i'm really sorry, i hope it works out, but sometimes people marry because of pressure or expectations, then bail after the fact... so i think it is in your best interest to try to get him to work on this with you, or else set you free to find someone who doesn't treat marriage like an inconvenience to his ability to act like he is single...

[sparkles_luvs_eze]

Its all so crazy... We attend a GrEaT church- but since he started this job we havent gone together for months... his schedule wont allow and I just wont go alone.. BUt thats no excuse.. Im going to church with or with out him!! I love church and my lord so .. Ill be going alone. We are searching for him another job so that he can stay home with me.. we talk about it all the time .. how we miss each other and cant wait to get out weekend together... We really deeply care about each other... dont get me wrong he really is my knid of guy.. he's my best friend.. the type of guy that would tell me anything even knowing he would be in trouble.. and its not like this is an everyday thing.. this is just an out of nowhere thing... I really dont understand it. I though everything was fine.. but working on the road is ripping us apart... I pray that he can find another job so that we can get back to our "normal" selves and love one another like we should be... enjoying our new marriage and commitment to each other.. ...