help me

[confusedandalone]

My husband and i have been married for seven years now. And living together for eight.He had two children from pervious marriage and i have tried my best to get them to like me. For instance i have three children and for christmas,birthdays,easter i have always treated them equal.At first their mom would not let the come because she told them i killed someone and got by with it. Then when they started coming everytime they got mad at us they would not speak to their dad for a month or two. Then one day they got mad and went home told a bunch of lies on us and their mom called dhr on us trying to have my children toke away and so his kids would not have to come back and for two years they did not speak to their dad.Then his mother died and they started coming back like nothing had happened.Everything was going ok until my husband called and found out the 13 year old boy had missed 63 days od school. Then all of a sudden he wanted to come live with us when he got on probation.My husband and I talked and decided to let him come live with us we thought it was because his mom wouldn't get up out of bed and make sure he was going to school. Well anyway he had been living with us and making life hard on me and his dad. He would kick my 8 yr old in the tail bone and one morning he tried strangling him.I called my husband back home from work and he gave him a really good talking too and whippped him with a belt.Now 10 months later we find out that he has been molesting my eight year old before he ever moved in with us.I dont know if i can take anymore of this. He is in juvenile for now and is 14. But i think it is going to come down to my husband having to pick me or his son. and i am really scared because i really do love him with all my heart and we are very happy and get along good as long as his children are not invovled.But all the son can do it write his dad and tell him he wants it to be just the two of them all the time. His fiveteen year old daughter told her brother he did not derserve to be in juvenile and their dad was picking me and my kids over them.should i just divorce him and move on or keep fighting with the kids?HELP

[hosswhispra]

Confusedandalone,

 

I think that your first concern should be the safety of your 8 year-old-son. Is your stepson returning to the same house as your son after juvenile? If so, that's unacceptable. Most of these offenders do not change--that could possibly mean continual abuse to your son, if he were to return to your home after juvenile. Have you discussed living arrangements with your husband?

[robowarrior]

The kid is a problem child ,obviously the awfull education his mom gave has made him into a monster that cannot bring up any kind of empathy for others, him being in juvenile only makes him more messed up. When he comes home, he'd be sure to have counselling sessions ,and you need to buy a lot of Dr.Phils books who has exellent solutions for disfunctional families. It doesn't replace the trips to the psychiatrist that the kid has to make, but if you build a strong foundation and educational atmosphere that represent and let everyone know that there are rules in the house that have to be obeyed, they have to know there are consequenses to bad behaviour.

 

The kid is like a derailed train that needs to be put back on his tracks again, but with work the whole family can become functional again. I want your husband also to play an active role. Basically giving with the belt isn't appropriate, you need to read the books on to see what is appropriate.

 

Don't let it go out of hand, if a situation goes out of hand (kids fighting) don't wait and let it all go, immediately take action and separate them. Kids always test you to see how far they can go. You are a parent first, a friend later. You need to set the example on what is tolerated and not.

[confusedandalone]

no he is not coming back here.If he dont go live with his mom i dont know where he is going but i do know it want be here.I feel like i have taken this worse than anyone else.For instance take someone you love and trust with your life then take something this bad happening and you cant talk to him about it because you know how he feels about the person who did this.i guess on some level i feel betrayed.I guess that is wrong in me .

[AwdreeHpburn]

I strongly suggest you all get into some kind of family treatment or counseling.

 

Especially this boy. He is very troubled and I think needs help outside the scope of what a whoppin' can do. Not judging - I'm just saying, he needs help.

 

If he was actually told and believed that you killed someone, he was probably TERRIFIED of you. Even if he didn't believe it...what a warped thing to have to hear from your own mother.

 

And now that his mother is passed away,THAT can't be easy to take either. Not to mention all the weird things that must've gone on in his mother's house....he and his sister need some serious help. And now so do YOUR kids becasue of the horrible abuse inflicted on THEM.

 

You all need to seek help! These patterns will repeat themselves if you don't get them corrected and I think you may need some help doing that.