My first time posting here...need some advice?

[sohigh]

Hi all,

I have been reading the stories here on and off ever since my bf (well, ex now i guess) and I broke up 3 months ago. I was devastated and of course I did most of the things that I shouldn't have --- crying, pleading, begging...and etc. He has avoided contacts with me for a while and he would only talk to my friends on the phone about OUR relationship, not me. Anyways, the reasons we broke up were that he has a very stressful job, which he started couple months ago. He couldnt devote much time or attention to me and I felt neglected. I know he loves me very much but towards the end, we fought a lot because I got mad and all these anger built up. I showed a strong temper, which I hate and I have been trying to better myself in that aspect. So he couldn't take it anymore and broke up with me.

 

Long story short...I have been trying to do NC on and off from then on...we mostly keep in contacts through emails and yes, I initiated 9 out of 10 times (not proud of that, i know). The only phone call we had was on my birthday, which he called and we chatted briefly. It's been very difficult to keep my head straight so 2 days ago I wrote him an email telling him how i feel that I still love him and want to be with him...(yes, i know...not proud of that either if I'm trying to do NC). I wasn't prepared that he would write me back...not so quickly at least. He replied today telling me how he is still struggling with his job and dealing with a lot of things in life that he wants to me alone now. However, he also told me how much he missed me and assured me that he didn't forget about me. Then he went on asking me to have dinner with him sometime next week.

 

So, guys...how should I respond here? Of course I would like to see him but at the same time, I don't want to appear to be too "excited" about it.

 

Sorry for the long post but I'd appreciate if any of you can give some advice....thanks!!!!

[melrich]

Send an email saying "Dinner would be great." and go to dinner with him.

[TiredMan]

I agree with Melrich. Don't push it. Agree to the dinner since he brought it up. But don't go and push him. he admitted he is still stressed out.

 

Also, you might need to get the temper thing in check somehow, whether it be in therapy or whatever. That type of thing won't end until you stop it.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey So High!

 

First off Welcome to ENA!! Glad you found this site.

 

Just have a question or two for you and of course - my insight....

 

Why would you NOT want to appear excited about seeing the guy you love?? I don't get that part - I think its ok to show a genuine interest - seeing as you are ..... genuinely interested. I mean, do you not want him to know you still like him and are still excited by him?

 

So...he's stressed out. Was wigged out by your display of a bad temper. Is having a hard time at work...I guess he's reaching out cos he needs someone to lean on.

 

I'd take that as a REALLY good sign that he thought of you. Time for you to step up to the plate. Literally - go out to dinner with him and make the night ALL about him!

 

Don't apologise for things that went awry. Don't talk about where the realtionship went or where its going - just be there for him and enjoy the moment. And don't be afraid to show it - that you're enjoying yourself. He may actually think you're happy around him.......

[annie24]

I agree, go to dinner. Try to keep the conversation positive, be happy. maybe bring up some positive changes you are trying to make in your life. like if you are getting counseling for your temper, or reading some books or articles online. I wouldn't push the "let's get back together" topic. Just go and try to have a nice time.

[sohigh]

thanks for all your responese...

 

AwdreeHpburn,

well, i guess i just don't want to do things ONLY on his terms...

See the thing is that in the first part of our relationship, we do things and want to spend time with each other mutually. Later on when he started this new job, he seems less interested in doing things with me. Most of the time we do things are on his terms and the times that I asked him to do things, either he turned it down last minute or he just couldn't make it. I tried to be very understanding about it but then I really did feel that i wasn't the priority anymore.

 

So again...this dinner is on his term? How come when I asked him if we could talk and maybe work things out slowly, he ignored my calls?

I guess i feel this way because I do feel like a doormat to him now...i dont know....

so in a way, i just want to protect myself from being hurt again...

 

and yes, i think i need to work on my temper...i am never an angry person but it got to a point it was so frustrating that i had no control over my emotions anymore...very bad and I'm ashamed of it

 

thanks again for the kind responses....

[TiredMan]

Always comes from nowhere. And the temper WILL come back unless you do something about it (therapy perhaps?)

[hades]

go to dinner. if he takes you to McDonalds your screwed! little joke there.

 

One thought Is there going to be a time when his job is not stressfull? I mean great if he's going to be able to date you and slowly see what happens, but eventually he will either have to quit his job or the job will have to become less stressfull, or you might wait for a very long time.

[Drizown]

Just be there for him. The problem was not only your temper but when he was stressed out and needed someone to back him up and needed his partner to be there, be his backbone equipped with words of support and love he got reemed for it. He might not have come out and said "i need you" but he deffinetly didn't need that. Just give him time.