HELP! might know someone committing suicide

[CelesteSeven]

I think my roommate may be suicidal.

 

She was always the smart one in highschool... got A's without much studying; learning just came real easy for her.

 

But now this is her 2nd year of college. She did fine her first year, but her brother committed suicide over the summer (and that was a huge production) and a shock to her. Last quarter, she did really bad. She failed 2/3 classes; she said she couldn't concentrate. And she didn't party; she'd study and study and still failed.

 

Now this is the new quater and she's on academic probation. We're halfway through the quarter, and she has 2 exams this week. 1 of them being physics. She's sure she's going to fail; she has a really hard time even though she goes to the tutors (and goes to all of her classes).

 

I know she got a D on her one bio midterm, but there are a few midterms so she thinks she can still do ok in that class.

 

But if she doesn't get AT THE VERY LEAST 2 c's and a b, she's dismissed from the university. And she thinks it'll be the end of the world.

 

So today, she was real quiet, and i think she was crying (but she keeps her emotions to herself and doesn't discuss them). She was real quiet all day and seemed more depressed than usual, BUT THEN SHE DID SOMETHING REALLY STRANGE: she started going through all of her stuff and packing things away. I mean everything. She packed all of her books away, her pictures, everything. And I know for sure she isn't just dropping out and moving back home.

 

Could she be suicidal?

[melrich]

Maybe you should try and encourage her to see the campus counsellors?

[gfein347]

In my opinion, if you're having to ask the question "could she be suicidal?" then you absolutely must tell someone. How about a counselor or doctor at the university?

 

Edit: talking to her about this first might be a good idea, like the others said, but be aware that she'll probably deny it.

[avman]

It's hard to tell. Are you absolutely positive there isn't another explanation for why she's packing stuff away? Breakup with a boyfriend? Positive she's going to fail? Transfer to another college?

 

If you think she's suicidal, then ask her directly whether she has any intention of killing herself. If you still feel that she might be suicidal then TELL SOMEONE. Call a hotline or call the police. Better safe than sorry.

[CelesteSeven]

She's always been a little "on the dark side". Not like mean or goth... I don't konw how to explain it. She gives off the sort of "quiet, unassuming tough girl" thing. I asked her why she was packing and she said she was "just cleaning up". But I mean she put EVERYTHING away. Pictures, books (except a few), decorations, everything. She packed them all up in boxes and put them under her bed. and she's never done anything like this before.

 

She has a boyfriend (she's known him for a year, and they started dating sort of recently... he lives far away though and she doesn't see him much). And even though she doesn't discuss her relationship with me unless i ask, I hear them talk on the phone and they get along so well. They have 3 hour phone conversations and when she's talking to him, it's one of the few times I ever hear her laugh or see her smile or be energetic. I know they are fine.

 

I know she gets along with her family really well. I hear how her parents talk to her, and she's told them about school (not the failing grades this quarter, but they know she's on academic probation). And I've heard them tell her that "no matter what, we'll always love you and support you and you never have to worry; we're here no matter what".

 

actually, her grandparents say that; her real parents died when she was 5 and she lives with her mom's parents now (they adopted her and her younger bro and sis).

 

but her failing out of college... I dunno. i think she's conviced she's going to and i think, to her, it will be the end of the world. this boyfriend of hers has his PhD and she told me a while ago (when she failed last quarter) that she'd better bring her grades up because she didn't think her boyfriend would stay with her (and look upon her badly) if she failed out of college. i know she really loves this guy and gets along with him SO well; it really is incredible. and i think if she lost him she'd really be down and out.

 

But everyone in her life seems supportive of her; evenso, i think she'd still be convinced her life isn't worth living if the university dismissed her, despite the support of everyone in her life. Especially after being an honors student all her life.

[gfein347]

Well, after reading your second post, it sounds like your roommate may be packing up her stuff because she thinks she'll fail out. I was able to come up with two possible reasons, but who knows why she's doing it...

 

(1) By packing her stuff, she's assuming she'll fail out, so if she actually does, she's more prepared mentally.

 

(2) She feels that she needs help in her life (despite all of the support she's getting from her grandparents and boyfriend) and packing her stuff is her way of asking for help.

 

(3) None of the above.

 

Talk to her, though, and see if you can figure out what's going on. If you still think she's considering suicide, you've got to do everything you can to stop her.

[CelesteSeven]

I tried saying something to her, but she shushed me and said she was busy with homework.

 

I know I annoy her sometimes... I probably annoy her more than I think I do. But she's usually considerate and "puts up with me". And if I ask her a question, she always answers. But I said "hey, what's the packing for? do you think you're going to fail out and have to leave?"

 

She shushed me first. And then sort of grunted a little and said "I know I'm going to fail out... but I can't, I just can't. My life will be completely over."

I asked her again what the packing was for, if it was because she's moving back home.

 

She then told me to mind my own business and that she was doing homework. But I've been sneaking peeks at her computer screen for a few hours... she keeps looking up gas cookers or camping cookers or something. That's all she's been doing, she hasn't touched her homework OR studied. and she has an exam tomorrow and one on wednesday that she needs so much studying for. but she just cried a lot today and didn't study almost AT ALL (which is weird... if she thinks she's going to fail then she stays up all night and spends all her time studying).

[gfein347]

Hmm...it's a little strange with the gas cooker thing. I don't know. It seems if she was looking to commit suicide, she wouldn't be buying a product online, because then she has to wait for it to ship.

 

However, I think I do know why she isn't studying. It's the same reason people procrastinate. She's afraid of failing, which causes her to avoid the task altogether.

[Dougie_D]

First off, do you know how her brother commited suicide? Or how her parents died? Maybe it will give you clues.

Second... If I was her...I wouldn't commit suicide. I would feel too ashamed to...especially if I had seen my relatives hurt the way they were at my brother's funeral.

I would still have a hard time focusing on school because of it...and that's why I couldn't do it. One poster was correct....I would just procrasonate...wishing that something better would come along and sweep me away.

Now I'm very embarrassed about the whole thing....I'm not as strong as I used to be on touchy subjects....Yeah, suicide could be an answer but I don't think my brother or sis would approve.

I don't like this life I'm in...I want another.

I'll pack up my bags and act like nothings the matter. Tell everybody a lie.

I'll throw my belongs one by one at certain locations...so there is some trail....but a trail that doesn't make any sense...Remember? I'm a smart one.

I'll just be a RUNAWAY.

That's my take.

[CelesteSeven]

That's a real interesting respond, Dougie. I wonder if that's what's really going on in her mind. Hmm.

[Dako]

She's probably in need of help.

All you can do is suggest she talk to a counselor, and let her study, even if she's just trying or trying to look like she's studying.

You can only do so much without bringing resentment.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Ok, me I a ways aways trust my instincts, "where there is doubt, there is nodoubt"

 

This is what I would do, try to call her mum and dad, get a on the phone and tell them shes acking odd, I know this sounds alarmist but its what I would do, if I could not get hold of them, I would be round the school councaling offace kicking up a fuss, getting them over to her asap or them contacting her mum and dad. Then her mates at collage, all of them. Last of all I would go see the dean if I could get no help.

 

Why you ask, well one, from your posts some thing dos not feel right, also she could be on meds for depression all ready after her brothers death, if so there not working, last off all from what you say she said and did she looks to be in tunal vision, if not self harm shes on root for a brakedown.

Don't worry about bringing resentment that dos not matter your not trying to be her freand your trying to stop her from killing herself, better she dislikes you and lives. This is about doing what's right.

 

So if it was me I would be calling "Everyone now!" if your wrong it dos not matter, but if your right then a lifes at stake.

 

So I would get as much help as I could now! that's right now! if she trys in a "call for help way" she may just kill her self for real, I trust your feelings on this one.

[shadow34]

For help dealing with someone who is suicidal visit:

 

link removed

 

This is a very good site and it might help IF she is suicidal...

[Bethany]

I'm with the rest, phone her parents, speak to counsellors, TELL someone.

 

Have you asked her why she has packed up everything? What did she say if you did?

 

She is going through the most difficult time in anyone's life and needs all the support she can get. Show your concern and Offer your support. Get her friends to rally around. Don't wait for her to come to you, she might never do that.

[Dougie_D]

I'm not an expert...but when some you love commits suicide, do you want to do the same thing? I'm not trying to say --- don't help her ---but I like to think outside of the box.

Let's examine things....be a detective!

IS there a way to contact the boyfriend with out her knowing...like..."hey your boyfriend knows about this subject, I need some help on it..." and somehow ask him what he thinks without her knowing.

Also....do the same she is!

Have you noticed in conversations that there is always one person to "up you" in a story!

Pretend that you are feeling really depressed about something...make her feel like she needs to be the hero!

---

Doug

[BeStrongBeHappy]

actually, suicide rates are HIGHER in families where there has already been one suicide... and she sounds like she is very depressed and needs help after her brother's death... sometimes they feel incredibly guilty about the suicide, and start to feel like they want to join their lost loved one, and can see suicide as a solution to their problems, taking the same path as the loved one.

 

so PLEASE take this seriously... at best she is seriously depressed if her grades are dropping so much, and needs to get to a doctor to get treated... she may need anti-depressants, or grief counseling. please offer to take her, or go with her to the Dr.

[Emily525]

Tell Someone immediately

[SpiralLove]

Suicide is a secret.. that you can break.

 

Get on this, and trust your gut. Its okay to be wrong.