I totally have to fight

[Jetta]

And the worst part is I really don't have the money to. I missed court, which has just made matters worse. It'll cost me thousands to get a normal set up with my daughter (as far as visitation). Not even sure if I can fight for custody, seems far-fetched after the year I've had. But there's no way I can do supervised visits at a parenting center for a fee for the rest of her life. Simply because I flaked out, they said I was a danger to her (just said I was I never did anything). Oh yeah I thought she was possessed so that's why, they said I called her the devil (I never did that). Man this just so sucks.

 

My ex and I had this all arranged, shared custody, my ex MIL is a totally evil. She's actually cut me out of my daughters life. Now I have to take my measly paycheck and give it all to a lawyer just so I can somehow be a part of her life. My ex is totally fine including me, knowing it's good for her to have a relationship with her mother. My ex IL's who paid the attorney are not. My ex is just a follow along guy. God I hope I can actually get custody of her back. I'd hate to spend thousands just for weekend visits.

 

I was going to forget it because my ex and I were actually handing it well I thought. But my ex evil MIL just can't leave well enough alone. She is truly an evil woman and I've wished death upon her (never before have I done that) and I wish she burns in hell. Only wished hell on my first ex husband.

 

Yeah I hit bottem and they kicked me when I was down. I just had to vent because my mom wants me to let it go, but how can you? This is my daughter! I'm bringing in about $250/week. The attorney is $220/hr. See the dilemma? Thousands he said. I had a bad feeling about this woman but he was a nice guy. I never thought anyone could do something so awful. She legally kidnapped my daughter from me.

[Ash]

Yep, you're right. It will be far tougher and far more expensive for missing the court date. That's not something the "other side" will let go of lightly and could really come back and make it so much harder. If you want any chance with custody you'll have to make sure you don't do that in future.

 

From what I understand of the processes involved it certainly will be in the thousands. You ex MIL can really only call the shots though your ex. Sounds like you should be talking to you ex, getting honest opinions and trying to convince him to back down on the custody stuff although it sounds like he's rolling over and letting his parents run the show. Sounds like you can't really trust what he says either.

 

Did you and your ex sign anything to do with shared custody? If so, you need to find that and bring it to the forefront (provided that's not what the court date you missed was about).

[Hope75]

I'm curious why you missed the court hearing.

 

That was your chance to prove that you want to be involved in your daughter's life and to defend any false accusations.

 

If it were me I would have made every effort to be there, knowing how important it was.

 

What happened?

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey Jetta - I can't say I condone your behaviours but I do see an dknow how this situation is soooo discouraging its seems insurmountable.

 

GOOD NEWS is - its not, insurmountable - and don't ever give up on that little girl. As long as you're fighting, even if you don't win, she will know that you always tried.

 

The even better news is your daughter will not be little forever. In fact all kids grow up. Its a sad fact of life......

 

Either way, there WILL come a day when she will understand. You WILL have your day to let her know how hard you tried and how you never gave up trying.....they can't keep her from you forever.

 

But if you do give up if you keep missing court dates, quit wroking or stop fighting, you won't even have that to offer her when she DOES finally come to you......

[Jetta]

I just forgot about it. I was very spacey for a long time (reason I'm now on meds and was diagnosed with a schiophernia). I had just started my temp job (day 3) after not working for a year I didn't want to risk losing the job. I had no money at all. My brother put gas in the car so I could get to work. The really kicked me when I was down and took full advantage of a bad situation, which just made matters worse (emotionally I was beat up). I'm finally starting to feel like my old self, at least more so. I'm still a lot weaker than I used to be and they keep right on kicking me.

 

 

AwdreeHpburn - My daughter thinks it's me not visiting her. She doesn't know it's them doing this to me. She's 4 years old. My ex husband lets me talk to her the nights he has her (to say goodnight and prayers). I see her once a week (supervised). My ex MIL was handling the visits now she wants me to use the parenting center (costs $30/hr.). My ex husband let me visit her on Saturday and the weekend before. I hope he continues. She likes the visits and so do I, she tries to stretch them out as long as she can.

[Ash]

I just forgot about it. I was very spacey for a long time (reason I'm now on meds and was diagnosed with a schiophernia). I had just started my temp job (day 3) after not working for a year I didn't want to risk losing the job. I had no money at all. My brother put gas in the car so I could get to work.

 

Not meaning to be at all harsh, but you're likely going to have to prove to the courts that you are capable of offering your daughter a safe, secure and reliable parent to be with before you can appeal the decision denying you custody. It may take a while before you can prove that you're in a stable position to care for a young child and I'd suspect until you have some history of being that way it will be an uphill battle to convince the courts otherwise.

 

Take some time, get your life in order again, build on things, visit and spend time with your daughter whenever and wherever you can to show that you love and care for her, and when things are ready reopen the custody issues. Until things have been stable in your life for a little while it will be difficult to do much else.

 

Sorry for this unpleasant situation that you're in, but the best thing you can do now is prove by actions how good a parent you can be even though at this time she's not living part time with you.

[Jetta]

The problem is there is limited time for appeal. No I do not have a history of this. Really I cracked from the pressure of my life and all the losses. I had what they call a pschotic break. Some people never recover from them, I am recovering. The doctors think I'll make a full recovery but it'll take time, which is what I don't have.

[Ash]

Can you get your doctor(s) to write letters saying that about your illness and recovery? I think that might help.

[annie24]

I think you need to spend the next several months getting your life together, and then appeal to the courts then. The problem is, that if you "spaced out" and forgot about the court date, the judge will wonder what else you will space out about? Picking up your daughter from school? taking her to the doctor? The judge's main concern is that your daughter is well taken care of, and if her mother can't show up to court, they just won't deem you resposible at this point. I am sorry if that is harsh, but that's the way it is.

 

I think you should do everything within your power the next 6 months to save money, stay on your meds, continue with therapy, and hold down a steady job. all things that will prove that you are a responsible parent. then you may have a shot at getting her back.

 

It might be a good idea to talk to a lawyer who specializes in these cases, and ask him/her what is the best shot at getting your child back. They may tell you that you might not have a great shot now, but might in the future when you get things together. Get a plan together.