Do I confront him, even if we broke up?

[nomoretears4uboo]

Thank you for reading this and giving your advice or opnions. So a week ago my bf of like almost 6 months, told me he didnt' want to be in a realtionship anymore. He didn't want one from the start, that he couldnt be in a relationship and take care of his finacial obligations. He told me fron the beginning that he didnt' really want to get in one cause he needed to deal with his stuff, and if it didn't work out it was nothing i had done or hadn't done it was totally him.

 

he said we should just take it one day at a time. I thought one day at a time ment like we would kinda, date and be like when we started off, and nothing is official. That's what I tought for a week since we still talked and hung out that week and had sex.Then this thursday, when i asked him if he wanted to hang out on friday, he said he didnt know cause, like he said he didnt want another relationship. He said he just wanted to be friends and nothing more. All that was always said over text just one phone convo that jerk couldnt even say it to my face.

 

 

So, i cried for a few minutes then was okay, I kinda guess i eased into it since he told me a week before he didnt' want one anymore. Of course I wanted to know if there was anyone else... so yesterday I was able to hack into his voicemail, and heard a message from a girl, saying that what he is doing isn't really fair, that he just told her, yesterday he loved her and not to turn this around on her that she wants this to work out, is not like he or she cant drive 15 mins to see each other. Then she said it's CITY A( shesaid her city) not like its OC. She said it was up to him and that she loved him. I was not upset or didn't cry to find out that he had cheated on me and was telling her she loved her and now i guess wanted to break up with her too.Since I live in OC, I thought she probably know he had a gf and she still dated him with hopes of him having only her.

 

I kinda didn't care anymore. I was shocked that I wasn't upset or as hurt and I thought I would be to find out someone you loved cheated on you. But, i don't know if I should confront him. I want him to know that i know what he did. he told me when we were together if he ever cheated on me i would never find out it would be with a girl in a city that i dont know. I told him no matter what i always find out and. I kept my word I did find out. I tried calling the girl to talk to her but she called from work and they close on the weekends. So monday I will call her and ask her and let her know she is not the only one.Should I just like not confront him, and let him think he got away with it? Or just confront him about it like if I ever see him face to face again?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

First, don't blame the other girl! your ex was lying to you, and most likely lying to her too... and might even have more that he is lying to...

 

and i think he pretty much told you he was a cheater before, without coming right out, by telling you his strategy was to cheat with girls in different towns... so he could have been telling each of you that he was your boyfriend, and lying to everyone...

 

really, this guy is not worth caring about... you SHOULD be angry, but at the same time, you hacked into his voicemail after the breakup, which is not very nice either, and might be illegal...

 

so if you want to tell him off, do it, but don't tell him how you know... and better to just move on and find someone trustworthy rather than a common cheater like this guy... it should help you move on, to know what a jerk he is...

[blender]

I understand all that you are "feeling" right now, but try to focus on the "facts" before you make any other choices for the moment. Your "feelings" are of feeling "betrayed", that is understandable, but the FACT is this is HIS choice of behavior, and it has little to do with you, or about you. Do NOT take his choices or actions personally.

 

He's lied to you, and he's cheated on her too.. he's a messed up, immature guy, who is NO LONGER WORTHY of YOUR energy, whether you they are positive or negative.

 

Do NOT call this girl, do NOT confront him, instead do the "STRONGEST MOST IMPRESSIVE AND HEALING thing there is to do, and that is to GET BUSY WITH YOUR OWN WONDERFUL LIFE.

 

Right now you are "feeling" very strong emotions, but these are "temporary" but if you make a mistake and choose to "re-act" to these "feelings" your choices of behavior will "define" you in a not so classy light. Do NOT give him this advantage... let him live with himself, do NOT do anything about him anymore..

 

By letting go and choosing to move on from him, making sure you make "no contact"... that is the strongest, classiest, most powerful thing you can do.

 

You are "fully aware" that he does NOT want a relationship, he is NOT worthy of your energy, he IS a cheater, and he would be behaving this way no matter who the girl was in his life, be grateful that you "discovered" who he "really" is after only six months, instead of spending years with him.. and knowing all that you know now, those are your "very strong reasons" to move past all this, let go, do NOT contact him or her in anyway.

 

Thank god it's the weekend and you were NOT able to call that girl.. that is FATE stepping in so you can "cool off and have the self respect" to not even get involved with any of this any longer.

 

Two wrongs do not make a right, you "hacked into his voice mail" and you won't feel good "about yourself" if you reveal this information to him.. or her.. that will only make you look a bit "too involved" and sure I understand your "anxiety and anger" but please trust that these feelings are "temporary" and choosing to re-act to them by confronting him, or calling her, will NOT be good for YOU..... it will only prolong your heartache, and make you look a bit "nutty"... don't give him this satisfaction.

 

Instead, start "no contact", get busy with your own life, excersize, get a great new hair cut, buy yourself a "healing gift" for YOU, like a book on "self awareness, and self respect"... this will 'show" just how classy and mature you can choose to be...give YOURSELF the satisfaction to be proud of your own choices, do NOT sink to his level.. with all you know about him, make a choice for YOURSELF and no longer give him any of your energy.. he is NO longer worthy of it.

 

If you don't "feel confident" then try to "act as if" you do have the self respect inside you, it's already really there, it just needs to be "practiced".. and it starts by setting some standards/values for YOURSELF. and it means you have to "confront yourself" not him...

 

you do have the "self respect".to grow past all this. you just need to nurture it... for yourself.

 

It will not make YOU feel good in the long run if you confront him, or talk to her.. what "good" do you see coming from this?

 

Sure it might 'feel" like a temporary moment of control, but it's NOT worth it, think of the "big picture" of YOUR OWN LIFE.. and set some standards/values for how you choose to behave.. and the first choice you'll make would be to "let go" of this guy and just move on...

 

You'll be surprised once you have the courage to set standards and live within them in a kind and loving way towards YOURSELF and others, what miracles will occur...

 

You are so worthy of all good things in your life, especially a healthy wonderful emotionally respectful friendship and love. It's starts with you loving yourself... and this guy has "proven" that he is NOT capable of respectful emotionally healthy relationships.. so do NOT confront him..

 

Take a calendar and start putting a big "heart" on each day you go without contacting him... and feel empowered with each new day YOU make a choice to "let go" and get back to taking care of yourself.. he's "history"..

 

Try to breathe, talk a walk, write to us on here, all that you would "want" to say to him, but do NOT confront him, or her... it will only make you feel worse in the long run... you're going to get through this by making self respecting choices and classy behavior... you're going to be okay, even better without this guy in your life.. how are you feeling right now?

[anggrace]

First of all, the fact that he said at one point, "If I ever cheated, youd never find out..." should of been a big red flag. So, now you know he did cheat. I know people will say dont bother telling him you know, but I personaly couldn't resist. I dont think I would call her, but I might say something to him like, "By the way, I know about your girl in [city] - your not so smooth afterall are you? Your lucky I didnt say anything to her, good ridance."

[blender]

I would not give him the satisfaction of any of your own "energy, anger or attention"... and "anggrace" is sooo right about the fact that he actually said to you "if I cheated on you, you'd never know" being a huge red flag, and from now on you can take this "lesson" and know that you will NOT CHOOSE to stay involved with any man who would say something this immature, unloving, and unkind to you... or to any woman.. he's a "jerk" so please do not give him the satisfaction of any of your energy or attention.. even you "anger" is too valuable to waste on him.... let go... and choose to grow past this, and maintain "no contact"

 

Can you write down what "good" could possibly come from making a choice to "confront him" or from "calling her"??? Think about what this choice would say about YOU... honestly it would only demonstrate that YOU think HE is so important in your life that you have to respond to him.. and the FACT is, he's NOT worthy of any of your energy any longer..right?

[nomoretears4uboo]

Well, I know he did cheat on one of his ex gf. Then i kinda notice since we werent having sex as much as before, I kinda assumed he was getting it from somewhere else. Now that's sick, because, i dont know if he did that girl without a condom. I hope I didn't get anything. As for hacking into his voicemail. What I did, is totally, legal to do that. Maybe, I shouldn't say, hacked, but, it is legal. Telll him off should i tell i see him? Or call and tell him off.

[blender]

Did you actually read any of our responses? We care about YOU, and are trying to help you focus on what TRULY MATTERS and that is YOU, not HIM.

 

No I don't think it's a classy, mature, self respecting thing to give him any of your attention, energy or anger...

 

He's stuck in his own "Life pattern" of being a dog towards women, so make a classy choice to let go, move on, and forget about him, and to also learn that YOU will never again get involved with a man who lacks the character qualities of class, respect, commitment, and loyality.

 

He told you straight out he did NOT want a relationship, that he's cheated before, that he "might" cheat again and you'd never know, and that he no longer was interested in being in a relationship... so after KNOWING ALL THIS, what self respecting reason is there to ever talk to him again????

[nomoretears4uboo]

NO, I just saw one i responded to before. But, thank you all. I'm actually feeling okay. I am surprised at myself. I thought I would be feeling, depress and would cry to find out someone i loved cheated on me. But, I'm not. I don't know if I am still in shock about it. Or maybe is the fact that I kinda expect it to happen, or what? Is that normal? It kinda just seems like, i actually don't care that he cheated. I just would like to know why? I was nothing but amazing to him. This after i was there for him so many times when he needed me. After he told me so many times, if ever felt like i liked someone else or felt something was gonna happen to him. before not after. Just like you guys said, i'm glad i found out now and not later. I was getting tire of not knowing if he was lying to me or not. I deserve to be with someone who's honest after all he had like little or not trust left. so it wouldn't have worked out anyways. I would've just killed me myself wanting to spy on him or wondering if he was where he said he would be. So, I will just take my time go back to the gym, look super hot for someone who deserves me. Just like my love justin timberlake what goes around comes around goes around comes around. lol so yes, he was starting to get fat anyway.. lol

[Hope75]

What purpose is it going to serve for you to call him now?

 

He left you, after cheating on you.

 

Stop wasting any more thought and time on him- he's not worth it.

 

Your best revenge is living well without him.

[blender]

Now you're thinking straight.. good for you.. he is NO longer worthy of your energy..or attention. and part of the reason you are not feeling so "upset" about it, is because he didn't really do this to YOU, he does this to HIMSELF..over and over again... do NOT take it personally... it's not about you, has nothing to do with you.. he's a "cheater" no matter who he is going out with.. no woman can cure him of himself.. so you can feel good that you are FREE from this immature, disrespecting type of man.

 

Go make your own life FANTASTIC, and it will be now that he's no longer in your life... no contact, let go, feel empowered by taking care of YOURSELF... HE'S A BIG "disrespecting, life pattern cheater".. and that is how he feels "temporarily empowered" only to be left with himself at the end of the day.. say a prayer for any woman whom he gets involved with and be grateful that it is no longer YOU...