I'm Back for an Update!

[LLammas]

Hi all. I was a fairly active ENAer for a few weeks after my boyfriend of 4 years broke my heart. I participated in SuperDave's NC Challenge for a bit, but gave up in a fit of despair a week or so ago. If you'd like to know my story, I laid it out here:

 

My last post here was an "I give up, I hurt so much" in the NC Challenge forum. It's been almost three weeks since he told me he wants to be with the other woman, and I could not have felt worse. I cried, I screamed into my pillow, I thought endlessly about the two of them together. In short, I made myself physically ill with worry and depression. Afterall, this was the man who told me shortly before that he wanted to marry me.

 

Now, here's where it gets interesting: a few days ago, I was still feeling hopelessly down. I went through some of his things that I still have and came upon something shocking. What appeared to be a love note from a former coworker of his last year (when we were very much together). I went through the full range of emotions: I screamed, I cried, I swore, I composed (and sent) a very nasty series of IMs to him. I told him he was scum, he was unworthy of me, he was dead to me, and he would be a miserable peon for the rest of his miserable life, which, god willing, wouldn't last long. Yes, very nasty (hey, I had my heart broken here!).

 

When I woke up the next day, it was, if you pardon the cheesy wording, like waking up younger, happier, and more driven than I felt in years. I spent so much time picking apart our relationship and blaming myself that I had never even considered the possibility that the guy is just an immature creep. The best part? The feeling has lasted. In realizing he was not true to me to begin with (I also found a diary he had stolen from his ex before me, detailing even worse behavior on his part- and as you can see from my previous post, he is definitely not faithful to his new gf), I finally got it through my head that I didn't do anything wrong and that this relationship ending was probably the best thing that's happened to me since I met him. It's amazing how many of his lies suddenly became transparent once I felt stronger (he also did an amazing job of destroying my self-confidence in the time that we were together).

 

In any case, I ultimately decided to come back to the forum and post this in the hopes that someone will be able to look at their relationship with the ex from the perspective of having been wronged- not having done something wrong to deserve the break up. I know there are a lot of you here with hopes for reconciliation, but to those of you who've been cheated on, lied to, and used: this is the best thing that's ever happened to you!

 

If anyone's read this whole thing, then thank you (I didn't intend to make the post the length of a Russian novel). I really wanted to let it out, but I'm wary of blogging on my myspace page lest he still be watching. I'll be around on the forums still; let's just hope the next relationship I wind up in doesn't end so badly.

 

Oh, and if you're wondering what I did with his things....he can pick them up at Goodwill if he really wants them. I even became charitable in my new mood.

[SuperDave71]

YOU GO GIRL!!!

 

 

I am sooooooo proud of you!!

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

 

 

 

 

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey Llammas!!!

 

 

Good for you!! It sounds like the new, and happier you! Congrats. I hope it continues to last. I think many will find this inspirational!

[LLammas]

Thanks for the support guys!

 

SuperDave-your posts are a huge inspiration. I just want to personally thank you for everything you do here, it really did help me (even though I didn't make it through the thirty day challenge).

 

And thank you, too, Awdree- I'm definitely happier and healthier now that I have real closure. Much as I hate to compare it, it's a bit like that scene in About Schmidt: he mourned the loss of his wife until he discovered she was cheating on him and their entire relationship was false. Once he found out, he just reveled in his independence. Yeah, it's kind of like that for me now.

[rsxguy520]

I know there are a lot of you here with hopes for reconciliation, but to those of you who've been cheated on, lied to, and used: this is the best thing that's ever happened to you!

 

you honestly speak the truth. my ex did the same to me. well not exactly but in a similiar situation. yeah it is the best thing that'll happen to you because one thing is you find out the truth about that person. also good things happen to you within time. i know a lot good things happened to me.

[LLammas]

Hey rsxguy, glad to hear you made it out of a bad situation to be happy. It's pretty amazing how crummy we can make ourselves feel because another person has mistreated us. What's that about, anyway?

 

And here I was, thinking I would get a series of lectures for my immature behavior (I really didn't need to donate his things to charity, but he did leave them at my parents house for 7 months, so I'm not feeling guilty about it).

[Wandering_Sword]

Fantastic to hear that you are heading well on the road to recovery. Keep up the good work.