shep88ner Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 i had a disagreement with my girlfriend tonight about a party i want to go to. i can see her side of the story but i just thought i'd get some other female's perspectives on this to see how you all would think about it. i am in college and my girlfriend is in high school. i live about 2 hours away now. she's fine with me going to parties and drinking as long as i dont get out of hand and put myself at risk or something. she's really protective of me. but there is this party on friday at one of the frat houses just off campus. it's a "Pre-Mardi Gras Party". the tagline says "ladies, lose some morals and earn some beads, there might even be a contest to see who gets the most!" or something. she's really upset that i want to go because she doesnt want me to be there drinking and have girls all around me with their shirts off and flashing people everywhere. it's not a matter of she thinks i'll cheat on her but she just doesnt want me to see the other girl's boobs. i can see her side of the story but i just think it's a matter of, im 18, im going to see that stuff from time to time. and it's not like im going to see them, im just going because it's a huge party and the drinks are free! i dont know, i'm kind of torn on this one. i dont want to hurt her but i dont want to stay cooped up in my room on a friday night and miss a crazy party. ladies, what would you think if your boyfriend suggested this to you??? Link to comment
canadIAN Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 where is this party? hmm, jk jk just trying to keep you smiling mate, i am a guy, but i think you should re-assure her you love her if you do love her that much, or just tell her there is nothing in the world that would take you away from her, and that she has nothing to worry about becuase there is noone better Link to comment
melrich Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 If you don't go you'll resent her and that will cause more damage to your relationship than seeing the odd boob (lucky you don't live in Oz where topless on the beach is de rigeur!). As much as teenage relationships are fun, it's important they don't get in the way of experiencing life as a teenager. You don't get that time over again. Link to comment
shep88ner Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 tried that...that's the first thing i tried and i re-assured her of it the whole time. i didnt get mad, i didnt fight with her, i didnt cuss or raise my voice. she got quite upset about it though. she's on her period right now and she has a lot of stress on top of that so she's not in the most cheerful mood anyway. she's just dead against me seeing girls topless Link to comment
MissTee Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I live with my boyfriend and I would say "hell no". BUT we usually go to parties together... He used to go to parties without me when we weren't living together and I was fine with it but I have to say, none of them had that tag line on it. If they did I would've said either "hell no" or "take me with you!" She's feeling insecure and I can completely relate to her. She's probably also upset that you are going to all these cool parties and she can't go... Link to comment
MissTee Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 If you don't go you'll resent her and that will cause more damage to your relationship than seeing the odd boob (lucky you don't live in Oz where topless on the beach is de rigeur!). As much as teenage relationships are fun, it's important they don't get in the way of experiencing life as a teenager. You don't get that time over again. I live at Bondi, Sydney. Can't go anywhere without seeing boobs! Link to comment
canadIAN Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 since she seems like she is under alot of stress, then maybe you should invite her tell her to let off some steam or you could treat her, a movie, dvd a night out and then maybe next time she will think you earned it Link to comment
shep88ner Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 the biggest thing for me is that i dont want to ruin our relationship but i dont want to miss out on things. i know when she gets to college she'll go out a lot and drink and party, and i wont agree with some of it...but i dont expect her to sit in her room and read Link to comment
shep88ner Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 since she seems like she is under alot of stress, then maybe you should invite her tell her to let off some steam or you could treat her, a movie, dvd a night out and then maybe next time she will think you earned it she has no way of getting down here...n if she came to this party, she'd be wasted and her mom wouldnt let her drive that far by herself sober as it is Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I agree wtih other poster, if my bf mentioned to me about going to this type of party I would be upset as well and call me a complete wench but it would come down to either me or going to the party. You can experience plenty of things without going to a party labeled " ladies lose some morals" Link to comment
canadIAN Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 she has no way of getting down here...n if she came to this party, she'd be wasted and her mom wouldnt let her drive that far by herself sober as it is i was thinking that you should just go, trust yourself, you know your not going to do ANYTHING and if you do, well then it does actually show what you feel about her i guess Link to comment
shep88ner Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 I agree wtih other poster, if my bf mentioned to me about going to this type of party I would be upset as well and call me a complete wench but it would come down to either me or going to the party. that's understandable...because she said to me "how would you feel if i went to a party and was drinking around a bunch of guys that didnt have shirts on and they were all muscular and stuff? how youd you feel about that???" Link to comment
MissTee Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Why did you tell her the tag line of the party? I mean, I know you shouldn't lie in a relationship but sometimes, leaving a little bit of the truth out can save alot of pain. Like why didn't you just say you were going to a party?? Instead of saying that you are going to a party with lots of topless girls... Link to comment
shep88ner Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 Why did you tell her the tag line of the party? I mean, I know you shouldn't lie in a relationship but sometimes, leaving a little bit of the truth out can save alot of pain. Like why didn't you just say you were going to a party?? Instead of saying that you are going to a party with lots of topless girls... i have a facebook....and she was looking at my page, and the homepage says "UPCOMING EVENTS : PARTY- "PRE-MARDI GRAS" and then if you click on it it has the descriptions Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Im sure it would have came out at some point or another what type of party it was and atleast he was honest and upfront with her, could save alot of pain later on . But as I said, there as so many other things you can do and regular parties you can go to that dont include girls getting naked you dont have ot completely give up everything but you need to compromise at some point if you want the relationship to work. Link to comment
MissTee Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Basically... you can not go and your gf will be happy OR you can go and she will be very unhappy with you for an unknown amount of time. Link to comment
shep88ner Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 Basically... you can not go and your gf will be happy OR you can go and she will be very unhappy with you for an unknown amount of time. yea...that's what i figured. but from what people have been saying, if they were my girlfriend they'd be upset too so iknow it's not just her thinking crazy. it must be pretty messed up of me to do to her if other girls are even saying they'd be upset. and this relationship means a lot to me so im leaning towards not going right now...afterall...it's just one party i guess. but my big concern now is REAL mardi gras. that's not just 1 little party. that's a university wide party with riots and insanity...and there's really no way i wont be at that one, so that's an issue for the future already... Link to comment
MissTee Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 That's very mature thinking. Say to her that you won't go to this one because you care about her feelings but as a compromise you are going to go to the big Mardi Gras party. Ask her if she wants to come (even though you know she can't), she will appreciate that you want her there. Link to comment
shikashika Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 well she sounds a little jealous and insecure.. there is nothing you can do to change that probably.. but as she is still in high school and you are in the big bad world of college.. I'm sure she has an overzealous imagination of what goes on at all these parties... and she may be right... I may have thought that way in high school.. but now I wouldn't and i doubt any other girls my age would either... so maybe I'm just forgetting what its like to be a high school girl! I think you should go if you really want to and explain that you won't do anything 'bad' at this party...and keep your word bring her back some beads as a present! ha ha! Link to comment
never-too-late Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I can understand your girlfriend perfectly! Even if my boyfriend goes out with his male friends, only to a club, I become a little insecure. It's perfectly normal. Especially now she is on her period. Us women we can get pretty emotional and worried. However, I can understand your point of view that you don't want to feel at the age of 18 smothered and trapped. I am not quite sure what to do about this. I would say go to the party but call her from the party at least twice or 3 times! Text her a lot and tell her how much are you thinking of her and how she is the most geourgeous girl and all those girls are nothing compare to her. That's the only solution I can come up with, which satisfies you both. I know that one thing I am trying to avoid in my relationship is to prevent my boyfriend from going out with his friends. There is nothing worse than to force a man to stay at home. thereforeeee, you need to explain to her that to you as a guy, it's important to hang out with your male friends, it's a part of your image. Whenever my boyfriend goes out without me, he texts me from there and it helps so much just to know that he thinks of ME and noone else when out. I can become quite insecure myself so I think placing myself into your girlfriend's shoes, receiving a couple of phone calls from there and a couple of texts would help me. I certainly would not bring your girlfriend with. She would get only upset if you look at someone else. It's not a good idea. I would go with the guys and make sure she respects the fact that you need the freedom to go out with the guys now and then. And after the party, I would cook something very nice for her, spend a quality day with her, take her somewhere and basically show her that SHE is the most precious girl for you! This way she will get her reassurance, which she is looking for! Go out and enjoy yourself!! Just make sure you let her know while partying that you love her and think of her! Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I don't think I'd feel comfortable with my BF frequenting debaucheries. The whole basis sounds off. You need to weigh the issue: Parties: you'll have a few nights of fun, but no long term meaning or security in that there is some one that will be there when you need them. Respecting her wishes: you'll be keeping her happy and may have a chance to be with her for a good relationship, but you are not going to being single and you can't act like you're single, so you need to change. Link to comment
Siriana Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I guess you not going there is an answer. You can't expect her to be thrilled with that. About that new party thats going to be in the future don't mention it at all, in case she asks by herself say to her how you're not going (but of course go). Yes, not telling the truth is bad, but since you look like a good bf - just go. You're young, but fair - you're not a cheater. So you need to be "wild" once in a while. If you skip that now - you'll regret that later. 1 Link to comment
shikashika Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 really... I don't think you should deny yourself from having fun... and let her control you by you not going.. REally, she may be your girlfriend and you love her... but you don't need to let her dictate if you go to a party or not... If i heard a girlfriend tell me that she didn't want her boyfriend to go to a party because there might be sin and boobies there .. I'd tell her to grow up and quit her whining and quit being so insecure... I can't think of any healthy relationships I know where one person won't 'let' the other go to parties... or out with the boys or out with the girls... or peope won't let the other have fun because of their own jealousy i still think you should go! Link to comment
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