Do alot of guys here get approached by girls?

[shy2cool]

Never, too ugly.

[rocio]

I am 33 and have never been approached by a woman. Not even a drunk one. Gee, I wonder why?

 

You haven't learned the language

[zerohalo]

I don't get why I never get approached. I wear my favorite polyester Optimus Prime button up shirt, I plop down my Liono and Cheetarah action figures onto the bar, then I have them pretend-makeout while making kissy noises.

 

If that doesn't get the ladies attention, what will?

[rocio]

I don't get why I never get approached. I wear my favorite polyester Optimus Prime button up shirt, I plop down my Liono and Cheetarah action figures onto the bar, then I have them pretend-makeout while making kissy noises.

 

If that doesn't get the ladies attention, what will?

 

I would definitely approach you.. and I'm not kidding here. I would seriously talk to you.

[lifestream]

I tend to agree with Tired Man. If I'm interested in someone, I won't usually wait for him to figure it out through my body language.. Mostly because too many guys are illiterate in that language, and I don't have all day to sit around waiting for them to figure it out. It does seem like too much of a game when half of the guys out there don't even know what's going on. I'm someone who will just strike up a conversation about anything, at any given time, with just about anyone. I'm also not afraid of rejection, although I don't recall ever being directly rejected. Tired Man, yeah, I might get rude with someone if they were to reject me in a rude manner. But there are so many ways that you can brush off a girl in a polite, friendly manner that won't make her feel rejected.

 

I don't think it's that guys are illiterate, it's just that what's there is vague or ambiguous. We understand that a girl might look at us, but what we don't know is whether she's interested or if she's just messing around. I've been strung along on more than one occasion, and it can get frustrating.

[lifestream]

Exactly the reason why I said this outdated practice continue. It's easier to just sit around and wait for guys to do things. Why try to change it in the name of equality?

 

I kind of wish guys would just all stop asking women out and let it go the other way but we know that won't happen.

 

Those things happen like you said a lot. And it happens because of this "game" being played. You like someone, don't smile and hint. Walk up and communicate it. Then it will never be misinterpreted anymore.

No one wants to walk up to someone and say "I like you", especially if it's a purely eye contact, physical level. I personally wouldn't go on a date with someone who I had a very thin idea of what their personality is like. I'll chat with a girl and if she seems receptive we can go from there. But at the same time, there's nothing wrong with the girl initiating. I do agree it's very archaic.

 

But Reading body language generally isn't THAT hard when you're speaking with someone...

The smile, eye contact, playing with her hair, laughing a lot, arms outstretched and not folded, legs pointed in your direction.

[sddeaston]

I would definitely approach you.. and I'm not kidding here. I would seriously talk to you.

 

Ha ha!! I, as a guy, would approach you too (definitely with no romantic intentions) just because I would be interested in what the hell you are doing. I would also approach if I saw more ladies come up to you, and ask to be your friend.

[keenan]

No one wants to walk up to someone and say "I like you", especially if it's a purely eye contact, physical level. I personally wouldn't go on a date with someone who I had a very thin idea of what their personality is like. I'll chat with a girl and if she seems receptive we can go from there.

 

Yeah, that's the thing. I don't ~really~ know if I like a guy just from the way he looks and sounds when he orders his coffee...at least, not enough to say 'Hey, I like you; let's go out." What I know is that I find him pleasing in some way, and by smiling and making a comment about the book that he's holding, I'm letting him know. If he smiles and talks back (and I like what he says) then I return the volley, and then if he likes what I say he can reciprocate, and so on. What's happening is that *together* we're gathering enough data to decide how we might, possibly, maybekindasortahopefully, feel about one another. I then will usually wait for him to issue the first formal invitation -- to sit down and talk, to have coffee later, to grab a beer, whatever. In a sense, this is turn-taking: I put myself out there initially by smiling and making eye contact and sending good vibes his way; we fill in the middle part together, and then he puts himself out there by asking me to do more. It's kind of brilliant in the sense that if we're ABLE to do that complex dance and get to the other side with good feelings and a tentative date, then we've already demonstrated that we're somewhat on the same wavelength ~ an important part of any friendship. It's a self-selection process that we made it through together.

 

I should also add that by writing all of this, it makes it sounds like I pick up guys on a daily basis, LOL. I don't. The dance doesn't have to happen very often to pick up the basic steps.

[TiredMan]

No one wants to walk up to someone and say "I like you", especially if it's a purely eye contact, physical level. I personally wouldn't go on a date with someone who I had a very thin idea of what their personality is like. I'll chat with a girl and if she seems receptive we can go from there. But at the same time, there's nothing wrong with the girl initiating. I do agree it's very archaic.

 

But Reading body language generally isn't THAT hard when you're speaking with someone...

The smile, eye contact, playing with her hair, laughing a lot, arms outstretched and not folded, legs pointed in your direction.

 

Guys do it all the time. They see someone and just walk up to them and talk to them, or ask for a number or what not. I think girls should have to do this as well instead of hiding behind the "safe" signs. They are scared of rejection.

[Kevin T]

Considering the complexity of all the steps, motions and intricasies involved, I think it's almost a miracle that people even manage to get together these days!

 

Taking into account how painstakingly scrutinizing people are, it's no wonder that so many are shy and overtly self-conscious when it comes to dealing with members of the opposing sex.

[keenan]

Considering the complexity of all the steps, motions and intricasies involved, I think it's almost a miracle that people even manage to get together these days!

 

Taking into account how painstakingly scrutinizing people are, it's no wonder that so many are shy and overtly self-conscious when it comes to dealing with members of the opposing sex.

 

I suspect that it sounds more complicated than it really is when you put it into words. It's like walking ~ pretty easy to do, pretty tough to describe the biomechanics.

 

BUT...I totally agree with your second paragraph! We all (humans) live in our heads so much....

[Kevin T]

Just the idea that everyone I do is going to be sized up only makes me feel ever more self-conscious, nervousness and uneasy around the very ones I'm trying to woo.

[keenan]

Guys do it all the time. They see someone and just walk up to them and talk to them, or ask for a number or what not. I think girls should have to do this as well instead of hiding behind the "safe" signs. They are scared of rejection.

 

I agree that that could be tough. You sound a bit bitter and discouraged. I guess what I'm suggesting is that guys would face less rejection if they DID wait a bit for some non-verbal encouragement. By doing that, you're allowing her to make the first move *in her own way*, and thus incurring less risk.

 

Besides, who's really to say what girls should "have to do"? The first move that you describe (just walk up and ask for a number) is the one you choose; the one I describe (eye contact, a smile) is the one she might choose. Honestly, yours sounds like it may not be particularly effective (which might be why you're feeling frustrated enough to write about it). You seem to be saying that because it's hard for you, she should have to do the same thing and suffer as well. Maybe you should try a different technique, intead?

 

It's about finding 'flow' and doing what works -- not trying to force something and getting upset when it doesn't work, then feeling bitter that she isn't taking the same risks.

[pinballwizard]

Girls don't approach guys because society perpetuates a stigma that it's the guys job to work up the balls to ask out a girl. Its hard, only worth it half the time, and there's always that fear of rejection hanging over your head. All rationality would tell you not to do it, so why do we do it?

 

Infatuation and lust hold more precedent in our brains than logic and reason. Whole nations have crumbled because they had a horny king. There is absolutely no logic behind the insipid little dance we like to play with the opposite sex. You can go on and on about how obvious the signs are, but from what I've seen, most (successful) relationships only start because the confident spills the beans to the other party, or someone sets the couple up.

 

And most of those so called "signs" that someone’s interested in you are completely arbitrary and vary from person-to-person. Girl A might look into your eyes because she wants in your pants, while girl B looks into them because she thinks it polite during conversation. And girl C could just be looking into them because she thinks they look cool.

 

I'm in complete agreement with TiredMan on this one. And sorry for the rant, this has been on my cheast for a long time.

[keenan]

No worries. I describe the dance as I see it, and I don't mind doing it because it's easy for me. If I were a guy I'd probably hate it, too. I think that's one reason I try to be extra friendly if I *do* like a guy ~ ask his name, shake his hand, say it was nice to meet him. I dunno ~ do my part a little more actively. But it's true that the guy I'm with now was the one who kept pushing at every step -- asking me on 'friend dates' 1, 2, and 3...then telling me at the end of the last one that he wanted more. I don't know how long it would have taken me to get off my safe seat and make the first move.

 

Sorry it's hard.

[charley]

I am 33 and have never been approached by a woman. Not even a drunk one. Gee, I wonder why?

 

If you're as dense as me and Kevin, then maybe they have approached you in their subtle little ways, but you didn't understand.

 

The solution to that is for you to approach them.

[charley]

Hmm, I think I'm beginning to see what my problem was. lol

 

My typical scenario:

 

Girl flirts with Kevin through body language.

 

Kevin ignores her.

 

Girl gets annoyed and gives up, not getting approached by said Kevin.

 

Kevin comes on ENA and whines about how "no one likes him."

 

Lame.

 

thereforeeee, Kevin is controlled by fear. Lame.

 

[edit] Did I mention Kevin is an idiot? lol [/edit]

 

Don't feel bad. I don't usually understand when women use body language to flirt. All I know is they're turning me on, but I don't know why. I sure didn't know it's an invitation. The only invitation I ever understood was an obvious one like eye contact, especially if augmented by her smiling at me. Even then I'd have doubts.

 

I'm dense with women too, but at least I partially understand the more obvious things like eye contact and a smile. However, I'm still never sure, unless she also wants to talk to me. Even then I still have doubts, unless she's handing me her number, in which case I'm then getting scared and nervous and what to do on the date. I'm a neurotic bundle of self-doubt and nerves just like most people, and especially shy people.

[charley]

Considering the complexity of all the steps, motions and intricasies involved, I think it's almost a miracle that people even manage to get together these days!

 

Taking into account how painstakingly scrutinizing people are, it's no wonder that so many are shy and overtly self-conscious when it comes to dealing with members of the opposing sex.

 

Very very true. What makes human sexuality different than other mammals? Humans are plagued with self doubts, and many of us are lacking in instincts to understand the mating dances and rituals. Animals understand each other better.

 

Two cats, or two dogs: they know without the doubts. Two humans: often our intellect and self doubts starts screwing with us and messing with us, and we over analyze, or don't notice at all, and we turn in circles from fear, frustration, or lonliness. We over-complicate everything.

 

That's why simple expressions exist like "Just do it" and "Nothing to it, but to do it." i.e. - stop thinking and start acting.

[TiredMan]

I'm not discouraged or bitter. I am just saying how I think it should be. I have had enough women in my lifetime and I never really had to approach anyone. I would have had more if I did, but my view is forget them, they aren't worth it anyway if they can't get the courage to speak up.

[g1234567890h]

I have never had to approach a woman. I'm not sure why women come on to me as hard as they do, but they do. I'm not particularly good looking, nice, or social. I dress scary, I'm pretty withdrawn, but I do work with kids so maybe that's a turn on.

[tmp0620]

I couldn't read a girl's body language if my life depended on it. I always hope to god that I will be approached. Doesn't happen very often though (at all lately), unfortunately. Doesn't seem fair that guys are supposed to put their ego and self esteem on the line all the time.

 

There are girls and guys who are shy/introverted/easy going etc., in the same way that there are guys and girls who are social/outgoing/care-free etc. Unfortunately it seems like many of the women who are outgoing still use the body language tactic when it wouldn't be real hard for them to take some initiative. Social norms and all that junk.

[TiredMan]

I agree. But the social norms is what is the problem. A guy can look like a weasel but if he is confident enough where he can take rejection no problem, he WILL get tons of women in his lifetime. While a good looking guy will too. If he is shy, it will be less so.

 

Meanwhile, a woman who is even somewhat attractive (whether shy or not shy) will probably get the same amount of guys hitting on them. Their viewpoint is probably why go out and risk getting turned down when they can just wait for guys to come to them? I kind of wish I could get guys to stop pursuing so much ha.

[tmp0620]

I agree. But the social norms is what is the problem. A guy can look like a weasel but if he is confident enough where he can take rejection no problem, he WILL get tons of women in his lifetime. While a good looking guy will too. If he is shy, it will be less so.

 

Meanwhile, a woman who is even somewhat attractive (whether shy or not shy) will probably get the same amount of guys hitting on them. Their viewpoint is probably why go out and risk getting turned down when they can just wait for guys to come to them? I kind of wish I could get guys to stop pursuing so much ha.

 

Couldn't agree with you more. It's frustrating. The other problem is that a guy can BE a weasel, but if he is confident enough... whereas the quiet good-hearted type sit in the corner rolling their eyes.

[TiredMan]

Couldn't agree with you more. It's frustrating. The other problem is that a guy can BE a weasel, but if he is confident enough... whereas the quiet good-hearted type sit in the corner rolling their eyes.

 

I was friends with this guy years back who got so many women, you would not believe it. He also got turned down a lot but he didn't care at all. I would say in the 3 years I knew him, he had sex with hundreds. And it isn't one of those bragging things. I actually saw some of it in person and he even recorded a lot of it too, which I saw.

 

The things he would say to these girls, wow. And it worked sometimes.

[tmp0620]

I was friends with this guy years back who got so many women, you would not believe it. He also got turned down a lot but he didn't care at all. I would say in the 3 years I knew him, he had sex with hundreds. And it isn't one of those bragging things. I actually saw some of it in person and he even recorded a lot of it too, which I saw.

 

The things he would say to these girls, wow. And it worked sometimes.

 

For lots of girls it seems like confidence alone is enough to be attracted to a guy. Or perhaps it's willingness to give them any type of attention.