Do alot of guys here get approached by girls?

[iwishiknew]

Just wondering do alot of guys here get approached by girls? Like if you are out at a store, gym, bar, club etc..Do girls approach you alot?

 

Do girls approach guys alot? Or is it mostly the guys that always have to do the approaching?

[TiredMan]

Nah not a lot but it's hapenned over my lifetime a few times.

 

Usually it has happened when I was in college and out at bars.

 

I have had a couple at the gym over the past few years as well.

 

But i'm guessing "usually", it's the guys that do it unfortunately.

[Day_Walker]

It is uncommon for girls to approach guys in my experience. It does happen but it is not the norm, typically guys approach girls.

[hosswhispra]

I have approached guys in the past. Something about it seems/feels unnatural now to me. I can't explain why...it just does--especially at 32.

[TiredMan]

I have approached guys in the past. Something about it seems/feels unnatural now to me. I can't explain why...it just does--especially at 32.

 

Because as a society, it has been accepted that guys goes after the girls, pay for the dates, and the rest. It's something that will take time to change only because Im' sure many females and men like it the way it is.

 

It's kind of like a man having a boss who is a woman. It's something that took a while to accept and even now, there are some who can't accept it.

[Iceman26]

 

Do girls approach guys alot? Or is it mostly the guys that always have to do the approaching?

 

I noticed I got approached by girls a lot more between the ages of 17-20 than I did from say 21-25.

[iwishiknew]

I noticed I got approached by girls a lot more between the ages of 17-20 than I did from say 21-25.

 

 

I am the same age as you and I never been approached by a girl yet.. What caught their attention to approach you?

[rocio]

Because as a society, it has been accepted that guys goes after the girls, pay for the dates, and the rest. It's something that will take time to change only because Im' sure many females and men like it the way it is.

 

It's kind of like a man having a boss who is a woman. It's something that took a while to accept and even now, there are some who can't accept it.

 

It's harder for a woman to approach a guy. Guys approach girls all the time and we don't really think anything of it. If a guy approaches us and we're not interested, we try to brush him off in the most polite way possible. We don't think any less of him. We're not going to go tell our friends about it or make a big issue out of it. Now imagine that a girl comes up to you in public and tries to instigate something, but you're not interested.. Honestly, aren't you going to go home and tell all your friends about it? Aren't you going to be thinking about that event for the rest of the week... You'll probably remember it 5 years later. A girl wouldn't even remember that situation 5 hours later.

 

But we do make our moves.. they're just much more subtle. If we see a guy we think looks hot or interesting, we will show it through our body language and eye contact. You just need to be aware of those signs..

[Iceman26]

I am the same age as you and I never been approached by a girl yet.. What caught their attention to approach you?

 

Probably the fact that they were usually extremely drunk and I had a tendency to wear bright yellow or red t-shirts when I was out. I guess it was like waving a red flag in front of a bull so to speak.

 

That, and I guess I was in the right place at the right time.

 

It was usually the less attractive women hitting on me, but I was always polite to them. Most girls I initiated conversation with talked to told me they never would have come up to me because they found me to be intimidating....maybe the same thing is happening with you.

[TiredMan]

Actually, look at the other side of the picture. When a guy turns a woman down, she doesn't just accept it and move on most times. She has to take a cheap shot or get nasty because she isn't used to being turned down. It happens all the time. Guys usually are more used to this.

 

Being aware of signs, to me is a game and I never played it. If someone likes me and doesn't tell me, forget them. I'm not a mind reader. I don't care to guess if there are signs. It's childish. It's like a boy in grade school when he likes a girl, he picks on her or hits her or something. He just can't tell her. This is similar to that.

 

Again, when things finally evolve it should be the norm. But it won't as long as women are content being drooled over while guys are content to do it.

[cpc28655]

It has only happened to me twice. Both times were very unplesant experiences. Last time I had to actually file a sexual harassment complaint to get it to stop. I don't like paperwork, lol!

[hosswhispra]

I think what it is (and this is something that I figured out ONLY 3 years ago and also read it in a psychology book )--is the female initiates the entire interaction with her body language. The male notices and asks the female out verbally. There are really 'low-signaling' females (I consider myself to be one) that do not give out signs when they really like someone (probably explains why I don't get approached).

 

Read here on the subject of high-signaling vs. low-signaling females:

link removed

 

2/3 (66%) of all approaches are initiated by women--according to this article.

 

So I think that the men I approached and verbally (as opposed to non-verbally) were very taken off guard because they never saw it coming from me.

[sddeaston]

How is that similar to childhood games? How is reading body language and monitoring demeanor a game? Is it that you never "played" it, or were never good at it?

 

The ability to pick up on signs from a woman is NOT childish. Its not guessing. It is a SKILL. And that skill does not limit itself to women. If you can read women well my man, then you can read the rest of the population.

 

Personally, I have been approached by most of the women I have dated, or had flings with. Now that I am out of college, I too see a decline in the amount of women who approach me. I have had to push the issue a lot more, and once I learned what to look for, I was able to cut down the rejections immenesly

 

Once you can spot the signs of attraction, or at least interest, talking to women is much, much easier! And definitely a lot more fun.

[charley]

I am occasionally approached, but when I say occasionally, I mean once in a while, though it happens. Usually, she says, "hi" and gives me a smile. If it's a big enough smile, I'm hooked.

 

Usually the guy has to make the first move. Doing so will increase your odds substantially. Even if all you do is say "hi" and smile friendly. Even just that by itself breaks the ice.

[charley]

I think what it is (and this is something that I figured out ONLY 3 years ago and also read it in a psychology book )--is the female initiates the entire interaction with her body language. The male notices and asks the female out verbally. There are really 'low-signaling' females (I consider myself to be one) that do not give out signs when they really like someone (probably explains why I don't get approached).

 

Read here on the subject of high-signaling vs. low-signaling females:

link removed

 

2/3 (66%) of all approaches are initiated by women--according to this article.

 

So I think that the men I approached and verbally (as opposed to non-verbally) were very taken off guard because they never saw it coming from me.

 

If you make eye contact with me, I'll smile friendly and say "hi". If you respond friendly, then I'll try to strike up a conversation.

 

On the other hand, if the woman won't make eye contact with me, then I probably will ignore her too.

 

Simple as that, IMO. Eye contact indicates a willingness to be approached. You can call that initiating a contact if you like. I'd call it inviting a contact to be initiated.

 

I'm kind of oblivious to body language. So that won't affect whether I approach or not. For me, it's all about eye contact, and if she smiles at me, or not.

[rocio]

I tend to agree with Tired Man. If I'm interested in someone, I won't usually wait for him to figure it out through my body language.. Mostly because too many guys are illiterate in that language, and I don't have all day to sit around waiting for them to figure it out. It does seem like too much of a game when half of the guys out there don't even know what's going on. I'm someone who will just strike up a conversation about anything, at any given time, with just about anyone. I'm also not afraid of rejection, although I don't recall ever being directly rejected. Tired Man, yeah, I might get rude with someone if they were to reject me in a rude manner. But there are so many ways that you can brush off a girl in a polite, friendly manner that won't make her feel rejected.

[hosswhispra]

If you make eye contact with me, I'll smile friendly and say "hi". If you respond friendly, then I'll try to strike up a conversation.

 

On the other hand, if the woman won't make eye contact with me, then I probably will ignore her too.

 

Simple as that, IMO. Eye contact indicates a willingness to be approached. You can call that initiating a contact if you like. I'd call it inviting a contact to be initiated.

 

That's interesting, Charley. I am too shy to make the first eye contact--when I like someone.

[TiredMan]

Yes I feel it is a game. If you feel something, just come out and say it. It's like I'm mad at you, but I don't tell you, i just snap at other things, so you can read the signs. Wouldn't just coming out and telling you make more sense?

 

If I like someone, I'll tell them how I feel. If I don't like someone I will tell them how I feel. Having them try to read body language is just silly, IMO.

[sddeaston]

I am not sure if women do these things on purpose. Its like a sub-conscious thing that makes them react in these subtle ways to the sight of you, or upon making eye contact.

 

Don't get me wrong. I am not into the -hard to get;you didn't see it, now your chance is gone; relationships with me are very difficult- type of stuff. All I mean is a womans mannerisms towards you when you look at her, or body language suggesting that she is receptive towards you.

 

Games like that ARE childish, and if thats what you were originally meaning (Tiredman) then I was mistaken.

[TiredMan]

What I am referring to is like this:

 

Girl A likes girl B. Instead of asking him out, telling him he likes her, she chooses to just be friendly, give subtle signs. All this with the hopes that he picks up on this and asks HER out. It's sillyness.

 

And this thought process is because they have grown up thinking that men will always approach them. Even when they turn some of them down, the men will still go after them. Turn the tables and it's completely different.

[keenan]

the female initiates the entire interaction with her body language. The male notices and asks the female out verbally.

 

I totally agree with this. I don't think I do it consciously or with the intent to manipulate, but I'm also aware, on some level, that I can increase the odds of a guy asking me out a thousand-fold by smiling, laughing, and making eye contact a few times. If I throw out a casual comment or crack a joke, I'm even more likely to get a friendly response. I'm not convinced this is so much a function of attractiveness ~ If I "aim" for a guy who is physically out of my league, he's not going to come running just because I smile. But if somebody is in my general ballpark (and single, and looking, and attracted to me), then by smiling and cracking a joke I'm narrowing the gap between us without actually making myself too vulnerable. Is that dishonest? Maybe. Childish? Silly? I don't know. I don't really think about it like that. I just think that guys (and women) respond to people who are obviously nice, friendly, and approachable, and who aren't going to shoot them down! Whether from evolutionary pressures or socialization (more likely), this version of the dance seems to be more common. I also admit that I like it because it's easier on me ~ nobody likes rejection...so I guess my fragile ego benefits from the social norm.

 

It only really backfires if a guy doesn't get the hint (rare) or when a woman is honestly just being friendly and it gets misinterpreted (unfortunately too common)....

[TiredMan]

Whether from evolutionary pressures or socialization (more likely), this version of the dance seems to be more common. I also admit that I like it because it's easier on me ~ nobody likes rejection...so I guess my fragile ego benefits from the social norm.

 

It only really backfires if a guy doesn't get the hint (rare) or when a woman is honestly just being friendly and it gets misinterpreted (unfortunately too common)....

 

Exactly the reason why I said this outdated practice continue. It's easier to just sit around and wait for guys to do things. Why try to change it in the name of equality?

 

I kind of wish guys would just all stop asking women out and let it go the other way but we know that won't happen.

 

Those things happen like you said a lot. And it happens because of this "game" being played. You like someone, don't smile and hint. Walk up and communicate it. Then it will never be misinterpreted anymore.

[charley]

That's interesting, Charley. I am too shy to make the first eye contact--when I like someone.

 

Could you at least return the eye contact if I made it first? If so, that works for me.

 

You are a really nice lady. I'd hate to think that if we met by chance in real life that I'd ignore you, but in reality, I would ignore most any woman who won't either initiate eye contact, or return eye contact that I initiated. If she won't meet my gaze, I think she's either uncomfortable, or doesn't want me, or both. So I try to be considerate and ignore her. I thought that was the considerate thing to do.

 

A woman's body language might turn me on like everything, and some do, but I always thought that was her natural sex appeal. It never even occurred to me that she might be intentionally sending me signals. I've been very illiterate about body language as far as understanding it. I only know that sometimes women's body language does turn me on, but I never knew why.

 

I never knew they sent messages that way on purpose. I always just thought: hey, she's hot, and apparently I'm overly horney for noticing. But it never occurred to me that she was sending an invitation. My body was picking up her body language invitations loud and clear, but my mind didn't understand.

 

My mind has always understood eye contact.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I am 33 and have never been approached by a woman. Not even a drunk one. Gee, I wonder why?

[Kevin T]

I think what it is (and this is something that I figured out ONLY 3 years ago and also read it in a psychology book )--is the female initiates the entire interaction with her body language. The male notices and asks the female out verbally. There are really 'low-signaling' females (I consider myself to be one) that do not give out signs when they really like someone (probably explains why I don't get approached).

 

Read here on the subject of high-signaling vs. low-signaling females:

link removed

 

2/3 (66%) of all approaches are initiated by women--according to this article.

 

So I think that the men I approached and verbally (as opposed to non-verbally) were very taken off guard because they never saw it coming from me.

 

Hmm, I think I'm beginning to see what my problem was. lol

 

My typical scenario:

 

Girl flirts with Kevin through body language.

 

Kevin ignores her.

 

Girl gets annoyed and gives up, not getting approached by said Kevin.

 

Kevin comes on ENA and whines about how "no one likes him."

 

Lame.

 

thereforeeee, Kevin is controlled by fear. Lame.

 

[edit] Did I mention Kevin is an idiot? lol [/edit]