wierdest feeling you'll ever read about...

[shep88ner]

ok...i'll try my very best to explain this, i dont know if anyone on here will be able to help me out or has ever felt the same way before...but here goes...

 

i have been with my girlfriend now for almost a year and a month. we have our fights and we always resolve them and for the most part we're very happy together. we've talked about our futures and talked on the phone late at night talking about things like the night we met...it's been great. it is the first real relationship either of us have ever been in. and im the first guy she's ever let in and opened up to because she feels she can trust me and i wont hurt her and walk out like all her other boyfriends did.

 

although it is a great relationship, sometimes i just wonder how good it would feel to be free? like, i just think about how much easier things would be without a girlfriend and how much more stuff i could do and not have to worry about calling her or what she might think about things. to just be free and do my own thing again.

 

but just as soon as i have that thought, i have the thought of how terrible that would be. to not have her. nobody to talk to, tell my problems to, share my stories with...and i think about how much i'd miss her at the same time.

 

i dont want to hurt her or leave her, yet i have feelings that i dont really want a girlfriend sometimes. i couldnt imagine how hard it would be for both of us if we ever split up. i love her very much and not a day goes by we dont talk and compare our days (LD relationship).

 

its kind of like the feeling of, i wish i could choose when we were dating. like, one day say "i dont have a girlfriend" then other's have her there like always.

 

anyone have any comments or suggestions? it's really is weird and before you say anything, i am very commited to this relationship and i do love her.

 

im just dont know where these feelings come from

[nadine_3110]

You just gotta figure out what's more important to you. Being with her? Or being free? If it's with her you want to be, and you can't imagine living your life without her, then it's an obvious choice. If it's a long distance relationship you shouldn't really feel obligated to tell her everything you're doing when you do it. If one night you want to go out with friends, text her saying that you'll call her tomorrow or later that night cus you're going out.

 

Good luck!

[treefrogkate]

I imagine it's the long distance that's doing the talking here. Long distance relationships are hard work with very little payoff while you're still apart. Having been through one I can honestly say that I have felt like this before.

 

Like Nadine said, there's nothing wrong with going out with friends and telling her "Hey, I'm going out with the guys tonight, I'll talk to you tomorrow." I would still continue to talk and compare days, but maybe it's not so much the relationship you need a break from as it is the routine of talking about your days every night. It's very easy to slip into talking with your SO and not going out and living your life.

 

If you explain it gently ("I do love talking to you, but I will be out with the guys tonight") and as long as she isn't going to get jealous of you, I bet that would help you feel better.

 

If it's a long distance relationship you shouldn't really feel obligated to tell her everything you're doing when you do it.

 

I would disagree with this. It's very easy in an LDR to get jealous or nervous about where your SO is going, and just saying "I'm going out" instead of "I'm going to get a beer with Bob" strikes me as something that may start a girl worrying.

[chigal28]

I don't think it's so strange. There are definitely upsides and downsides to being in a relationship...an upside, as you said, is that you have someone to talk to about your day, etc. A downside, strangely enough, can be that you have someone you feel like you HAVE to talk to about your day. Which one you feel can depend on how strongly you feel about this relationship--it can also change or fluctuate from day to day.

 

If you guys are talking at the same time every day, and you feel like you have to maintain that routine, maybe you're feeling like it prevents you from, say, going out at night and taking a class, or spending time with friends. Maybe you could vary it up a bit? In a growing relationship, at least most of the time you should look forward to getting to talk to her. Maybe, too, you guys are talking for too long at a stretch? If I'm not feeling like talking for a marathon session, I might not be as excited to call/talk to someone who I KNOW likes to talk for a long time. If, on the other hand, I knew the conversation could be short and sweet that time around, maybe 15-20 minutes, I would look forward to it even if I didn't really feel like talking, because I'd want to hear his voice.

[shep88ner]

it's not really a LONG distance relationship but deffinatly longer than what we're used to. im in college and she's in high school. im about 2 hours away. i come home every now and then too. so we're not talking a distance of several states or anything, i didnt really specify i guess.

 

but she does worry about me because people get mugged in college and she's aware of all the parties and drinking. she's just scared i'll find someone "better" at college cause the girls are older and stuff.

 

we do talk a lot on the phone, a lot of times from 9-1030ish. it's a lot i know but sometimes its nice to unwind at the end of the day. im planning on having a talk with her next time im home about how college is going for me and try to ease on her the fact that i wont be able to come home as much and maybe not talk as much. it'll be hard but i think she'll understand

[chigal28]

When you talk to her, just be completely open and honest with her about how you feel and what you want. If you want to see other people, tell her that--but if you don't, make SURE she knows that, as well. It sounds like you really care about her, and are really trying to do what's best.

 

As for the talking every night....while it might be nice to unwind by talking to your girlfriend, and regular communication is KEY to making a relationship work, I do feel that an hour and a half a night might be a bit much for you, from what you're saying. Part of college is going out and meeting new people and trying new things, and I DON'T mean meeting new people to date--I'm talking friends, activities, etc. If you feel like you're missing out on this aspect of things, that could go a long way towards explaining how you're feeling right now. Maybe you could cut back on how much/often you talk, and make the times that you DO chat really quality. Maybe short conversations three nights a week, and longer talks twice a week? Then you get to look forward to them, and also enjoy all the other things college has to offer--clubs, activities, new friends, etc.

[redpoppy99]

I agree with the previous two posts. It's easy to feel stuck in a LDR. You commit to your girlfriend, call her everyday and stay faithful but you get very little reward for it. Sure, she does the same but you don't get to see her very often and do things that couples who see each other everyday get to do. If you were able to see her everyday, do you think you would still be feeling this way? Look at it like this, even though you feel like being single would be "easier," you have not lost feelings for this girl. Try figuring out ways to keep the bond strong. Send each other little presents or cards a few times a month. Maybe invest in web cams or, if at all possible, see each other more. It's obvious simply talking everyday is not enough and that's normal. I hope this helps you and good luck!!

[HarleyHunny]

Sounds to me like you're just not ready for such a commitment. Nothing wrong with that. Just means there are better things waiting for you down the road. I'd suggest finding out what they are....Life is short.

[marriednlost]

i totally agree with the previous poster. you are young, she's young. you're in college! a whole new world of opportunity and adventure is coming your way. by no means does that mean your girlfriend isn't special to you or that you don't love her. it means that you have all the time in the world to have a girlfriend and have fun. granted, you're only a couple of hours away, so that does make things easier in terms of spending time together. if you were hundreds of miles away, i would say cut each other loose and live your life. but, if you're having these feelings, maybe moving on is the best thing. think about her, too. she's in high school? this is her time to be having fun and dating around. maybe you should talk to her. who knows? she could be struggling with the same feelings. good luck!

[EvaGina]

hasnt everyone been there?

wanting the stability and warmth of a relationship, but also wanting the freedom of experimentation of being single?

 

its not fair to your gf... break up with her