Weight loss...are you comfortable in your new skin?

[curvacious92887]

Just wondering if anyone out there has lost a lot of weight, only to find out that they're not comfortable in their new skin.

 

I've lost 100 pounds and have kept it off for about 3 years. Although I am slowly getting used to the new body, I still have moments when I don't really know who I am. My whole world has been changed...people treat me differently (strangers and some friends), shopping for clothes is a real challenge, I'm having to deal with attention from men for the first time, I even have to re-introduce myself to people I haven't seen for a while...it's all so strange.

 

Can anyone relate? What were your experiences and how'd you cope with them?

[crazy300]

No i havent but wow that is one amazing story? Howdu lose all that weight? Thats really good for you, Im sure you're smiling all the time~

[EvaGina]

I lost 33 pounds (I think, about 15/16 kilo) and although I am happier in general, just becuase I am more healthy... it has made me even more paranoid in relationships.

 

Now Im "pretty"... I am getting attention in that way... but Im super hot or anything. So I feel like Im stuck in limbo, which is STUPID, becuase it shouldnt really matter, I shouldnt beh ung up on how I look when I can carry my own in a conversation and make my boyfriend laugh...

 

Anyways, Yeah, its strange. I got so angry when I saw a guy I had really liked after I lost my weight... he didnt used to give me a second thought, and after I lost the weight he was all over me... it made me SO angry

[Kalika]

Actually, both Oprah and Dr. Phil (don't laugh..) have done shows about this: women who lose tremendous amounts of weight, keep it off, and then go through "depression" .. or just feeling like they don't know how to relate to people in their new skin. The interesting thing about the women on Oprah was that they replaced food with something else: one woman became an alcoholic, out drinking all the time, stuff like that, after losing all the weight.. Like she was trying to recover from being overweight her whole life.

 

Have you considered counseling? What you've done is a huge accomplishment but may also require someone to help you navigate your new situation, as well as try to figure out what led to your being overweight in the first place.. Just a thought.. Anyways, I hope you find answers here!

[rocio]

I know how you feel. When a guy is giving you attention, do you ever find yourself wondering if he would have been interested in you before you lost the weight? I hate that. I don't want to be with anyone who would have turned me down when I was bigger. But the problem is - how do you know???

 

And then you show people the "before" pictures and they laugh! I don't know why they think that might be an appropriate response. I mean, that's ME in that picture that you're laughing at.

 

The shopping for clothes was one of the only things I actually liked. All those outfits you saw on other people and thought, "i could never pull that off" and suddenly you look fantastic in them!

 

How do I cope? Well, I try to realise that this is just a phase.. Like being 50 lbs heavier was just a phase. They don't define you. They are just the seasons of your life. Other people will inevitably treat you different, but if you're able to remember that you're the same person you always were, you can rise above that.

[Miss iMossible]

I found your post purely by googling "depression after weight loss". I'm going through exactly the same thing. I lost 115 pounds, having been overweight my entirely life. I've suffered from both depression and anxiety in my earlier life and it's recently come back post-weightloss.

 

You assume you'll feel happy, confident and positive once the weight has gone but it's the reverse for me. I've found myself behaving in ways I'd never behaved before. People seem to like me finally, but it isn't the real me. Sure, guys have started noticing me for the first time but I don't trust them and I am certainly have trouble letting my guard down to get close to any of them.

 

Most of all I feel completely unsettled, unsure of myself, and absolutely petrified of committing to anything for fear it's all one big "gotcha" joke. And with the emotional highs and lows, I am convinced people think I'm scatterbrained and useless. And the strangest part is that I still identify myself as a 'big girl'. I was happier when I thought I had no hope. Now that I can see what has been denied me my entire life, I am so afraid and overwhelmed by the future that it's crippling me professionally and personally.

 

Please feel free to email me or read about some of the ups and downs in my blog. link removed

[EvaGina]

And the strangest part is that I still identify myself as a 'big girl'.

 

YUP!!!

I mean, I wear SHORT SHORTS and get perved at now!! but I STILL require a cheerleading squad to get up the courage to wear them, and I am conviced Im a cow!!

 

a guy sitting outside the pub sneered as I walked into it last week, although in my head I know it was just part of his conversation, my initial reaction was "oh god, hes sneering at me!!"

[shydragonfly2]

Hi, I have lost some weight also, but I find that when I go out, I feel scared. Even if I feel confident at home when I am getting dressed, by the time I get where I am going I feel terrified. I do not know what I am more terrified of, people paying attention to me, or people ignoring me. Usually what ends up happening is people smile at me, I may have a friendly conversation or two. But each time is just like the first. I dont know what I am so afraid of, I have a boyfriend. Thing is, I never used to feel afraid of people and I would like to make some friends. I only know two people besides my boyfriend and they are not close...

 

Shy

[curvacious92887]

I do not know what I am more terrified of, people paying attention to me, or people ignoring me.

 

I hear ya! Getting out and socializing is one of the hardest things for me to do these days. It's like I'm in a whole new world and I don't know how to relate to people anymore. When I was heavy, I knew what my social role was...now I haven't the slightest idea.

[shydragonfly2]

I know what you mean about my role. I do not know mine so much either, but I went out this weekend, to three different places. I just stayed a short time in each, about 30-45 min or so. Long enough to sit and relax. When I went tonight I did not feel nervous at all actually. I only spoke with the girl who waited on me but she was very nice. I guess the more I do it the more I will find myself and visiting places that are different from each other will help me find the kind of things I like and the kind of people I want to be around. I just have to keep up the courage!

[monkey1]

ok , i haven't lost a large amount of weight like some of you, but lost enough that people do notice. sure i look in the mirror and to me, i look exactly the same. sure i fit in smaller sized clothes than before, but to me i look like i did 20 lbs before or more.

 

I used to feel weird about being half naked in front of my boyfriend or send him pics of me while I"m out and about because I don't want him to think "my girlfriend's fat, gross!" but i've become a bit more comfortable around him and i now feel ok changing in front of him or touching my not to slim hips.

 

But I can imagine how hard it is to lose weight and then suddenly have people look at you or guys hit on you. I had an experience like that when I went to a club. Guys never have hit on me ever and then this guy was trying to get me to dance and talk to me. It was weird. I wasn't sure how to react. Makes me wonder would he have hit on me the way I was before?

[donescobar2000]

Just wondering if anyone out there has lost a lot of weight, only to find out that they're not comfortable in their new skin.

 

I've lost 100 pounds and have kept it off for about 3 years. Although I am slowly getting used to the new body, I still have moments when I don't really know who I am. My whole world has been changed...people treat me differently (strangers and some friends), shopping for clothes is a real challenge, I'm having to deal with attention from men for the first time, I even have to re-introduce myself to people I haven't seen for a while...it's all so strange.

 

Can anyone relate? What were your experiences and how'd you cope with them?

 

 

I can relate...I too lost a ton of weight...I lost 100 lbs or so...go hear to see my pics. It is really funny because a lot of people do not recognize me...lol. It ok though...I love the attention I get.

 

link removed

[Clanger]

Well i lost 2 stone recently after docs finally found an illness that had been lurking for a while that had me very bloated, i wasnt overweight big time, but am now a UK size 10/12 - something i havent been since i was 18!! (im now 35)

My husbands reaction is to try and grab my bum 24-7 and he cant get enough of me.. but i have asked him a few times if he didnt fancy me when i was at my top weight, and he allways says course i did.. but its difficult to believe to be honest, personally i wasnt happy with my increased size but tried to ignore it!

All my friends keep telling me not to loose much more weight and that im very skinny.... . and i have def. got more attention from guys.. which i have to admit i do quite enjoy, and i enjoy getting ready to go out more!

At the end of the day you have to try to be happy in your own skin..

Someone mentioned going out in 'little' bits.. i think this is a good idea.. try and do something new but not to scary to detach yourself from old routinue and what people used to expect from you

Even down to going for a coffee on your own somewhere they dont know you, you will probably feel more relaxed dealing people who have no-preconception of the 'old' you

Take care, hope this helps

Cx

[curvacious92887]

How do I cope? Well, I try to realise that this is just a phase.. Like being 50 lbs heavier was just a phase. They don't define you. They are just the seasons of your life. Other people will inevitably treat you different, but if you're able to remember that you're the same person you always were, you can rise above that.

 

True, true...but I'm not quite sure I am the same person anymore. I've done so many things that the old me would have never had the courage to do before. As a result, people view me differently and treat me differently. Sure, at the core my values are the same, but my surface has been changed dramatically.

 

Perhaps I just wasn't prepared to deal with any of this. I lost weight for me...to live a long and healthy life. I wasn't looking for attention from men or to please anyone else. I never even considered that this would be an issue and it's just so hard to deal with.

[Miss iMossible]

Ok, so here's a story for you.

 

Just tonight I caught up with an old friend of mine. An old colleague actually who I've talked with over the years since I left that job. We talked again recently with a view of a job opportunity at his new business as he always planned to offer before I left.

 

Um, well. This was the first time he'd seen me in two years and most of the night he was trying to hit on me. I'm not kidding. I've been crying all the way home. Someone who used to respect me so much for my skills and intelligence, now all of a sudden saying some really cheesy and derogatory things to me (eg. asking about my sex life, commenting on how attractive I was). At first I thought he was just being friendly and trying to make me feel good about myself, but then it got really uncomfortable.

 

Right now it feels worse when people who knew me before suddenly change there approach to me. At least the new people don't know any better!

[curvacious92887]

 

So true! I have had similar experiences with male co-workers, I have had "friends" become extremely jealous and try to sabatoge me, I have family members refer to me as "Ms. Skinny"...can't I just be ME? I know it's meant to be a compliment, but I'd rather be referred to by my name and not identified by the shape of my body...big or small(er). This is why there are days where I long to be in my old skin...protected by layers of fat and fully aware of where I stand with my family, friends and society in general.

 

It is tough, but I just keep telling myself that my weightloss was for me and nobody else. In order to have a long and healthy life, I'm going to have to endure the "betrayal of false friends" and keep those true friends close at hand. We've all heard it before-"that which does not kill us makes us stronger"...I just wish I knew how long this test was going to last.