shydragonfly2

I think you are right to be worried. She obviously hasnt moved on from that relationship and needs to work out those feelings before getting married. Does she usually leave her email open on accident? If she does do you usually read it? or was there some uneasy feeling you were having already that prompted you to go ahead and read it? I just ask because when we have those 'uneasy' feelings its usually for a reason... just some thoughts...I think you are doing the right thing and hope it works out for you! Shy

I know what you mean about my role. I do not know mine so much either, but I went out this weekend, to three different places. I just stayed a short time in each, about 30-45 min or so. Long enough to sit and relax. When I went tonight I did not feel nervous at all actually. I only spoke with the girl who waited on me but she was very nice. I guess the more I do it the more I will find myself and visiting places that are different from each other will help me find the kind of things I like and the kind of people I want to be around. I just have to keep up the courage!

I have had the same trouble. I think my biggest problem is I always ignored the 'red flags' that would go up early on, like one bf always introducing me as his 'friend' even after a year of dating, or another one always leaving his cell phone at home when taking me out or keeping it turned off, and one not letting me visit his home after 3 months of dating. Perhaps just focus on being friends with guys for a while, watch for the 'red flags' and trust your instincts. I agree with Elena, you will find a great guy in time. Take care Shy

Hi, I have lost some weight also, but I find that when I go out, I feel scared. Even if I feel confident at home when I am getting dressed, by the time I get where I am going I feel terrified. I do not know what I am more terrified of, people paying attention to me, or people ignoring me. Usually what ends up happening is people smile at me, I may have a friendly conversation or two. But each time is just like the first. I dont know what I am so afraid of, I have a boyfriend. Thing is, I never used to feel afraid of people and I would like to make some friends. I only know two people besides my boyfriend and they are not close... Shy

Hi, I am pretty new here but have something to offer. I am engaged also and we have had our share of difficulties. Things seem to really be moving in the right direction now, but one thing I did, since my bf will not go to counselling either is, I took a few simple ideas from counselling and asked him to do them in our communication. For instance, no yelling and taking turns to speak and each of us do that mirroring thing, where when the first person says what they wanted to say, the second person repeats what they think you meant so you each know you have been listened to and understood. I also have learned to stand my ground with him without getting emotional about it, like, if he starts yelling, I say calmly but firmly, do not yell at me, we agreed no yelling. It was challenging at first but it seems to be working and we are doing much better now. Hope that is useful! Shy

Thank you for the advice and input. I really needed some outside perspective, I appreciate it so much.

Hello, it seems my bf and I have a fight every week. It is never the same issue, but he always makes sure I know it is my fault and that I make him miserable. The fight today was this, he had told me previously we will not be able to see much of each other until June and then today he said he wanted us to go camping. I asked him the question, how will we find time to go camping if he doesnt have much time to spend with me between now and June. He started yelling at me saying I twist all his words and kick him in the (b*lls) and bring him down when he was perfectly happy. A horrible fight ensued. We had agreed to do the mirroring thing, and to respect each others view point and to listen. When we sat down to talk, I never could finish one sentence without him interrupting and yelling at me and mocking me. I tried very hard to chose my words carefully and use a calm tone. I reminded him of the mirroring we had agreed to but he just kept on being very mean. Finally I just sat and cried. After a few minutes he came and sat by me and said he was sorry two times. I was trying to stop crying and he got up and walked away. He said some other things to me that were not very nice then he tried to act like nothing was wrong. I tried to get on with the day, I potted some plants for him, cleaned his kitchen and helped him put away Christmas things. When I had finished with the pots I came back in the house and he had gone to his room and closed the door. After a little while I knocked, I asked him if he wanted me to leave and he said he didnt care. I told him it seemed he did not want me around as he was in his room with the door closed watching tv. Then he said I was not speaking to him either so I could just leave. I am so confused and hurt. I tried to call him to see if we could try to talk a little but there is no answer. I just sit here and cry. I do not know what else to do. I feel like I cant go to work in the morning. I want to disappear. I would appreciate any advice. thanks

I am sorry for your pain. I think you have the right idea, to work on yourself. But try not to do it all just to get her back. Try to do it for yourself and your kids and if she comes back to you, then, that is something you were hoping for, but if she doesnt, then you are doing good things for yourself and taking your life in a good direction. Keep breathing...

Well, hang in there. since you have always gone back to him right away, that is undoubtedly what he is expecting. If he does contact you again, you may want to tell him, its over, please dont contact me anymore. Keep it brief, non-emotional, etc. Especially if you think it would help you to move on knowing you said it clearly...

Hi, I read your post, and it sounds to me like he gets it, he is just trying to make you chase him. And if he has treated you badly as you say you think he truly doesnt even deserve goodbye, then dont give him one. It sounds like its possible that he thinks he can treat you however he wants and you will always come back to him.... You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, it doesnt sound like you get either from this man. Just my thoughts...