Age: 15, Want Love: YES

[silverlilly]

Hi all,

I know I'm only 15, and I realize I have a long way to go before I find love, but that doesn't stop me from wanting it. For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted that 'special someone,' but now, I feel as if I'll never find that person. Heck, I'm a loner at school, so who would ever even notice me? No one. As hard as I try to talk to people, or to make friends, I only seem to make people mad or annoy them. I've even tried to lay low, and wait for someone to come to me. None of this works, and I'm tired of it! Am I so unlovable that people can't even stand to look at me? My own step mom hates me and doesn't want to get close to me (she's told me that herself). What can I do? I feel so helpless right now, I can't help myself and others can't help me, either, it feels. What the heck is wrong with me?!

[in_the_mirror]

there is nothing wrong with you hun....i remember being 15 and wanting the same thing.....what happened though is the first person that came to me i pretty much threw myself at and it was the worst thing that has ever happened to me (the relationship was horrible) anyways, i'm not saying the same will happen to you, but when you love at such a young age like 15 and it ends it often just feels a lot more horrible than it actually is. i'm sorry that your step mom has told you that, we all sometimes have to live in a home that isn't in our ideals, but as a teenager also if you had parents that were into your life more then you were, you would wish for some that weren't at all. anyways you should really talk to your step mom, or maybe even your dad about what she has told you. sometimes we tend to take things differently then what is meant, or catch people on a bad day.

 

as for the loner thing, it isn't always such a bad thing, high school can be catty and it is easier to jump around from one group to another....i am sure that there are other girls or guys at your school that feel the same about the loner issues, and social situations....i'm guessing your either a freshman or sophmore, so sometimes it just takes a little while to get use to highschool and find that niche where you are comfertable.....don't worry too much and just be strong, love is not everything at this point in your life, trust me a llot of it is hormones.

[Cometcrater]

if ur a loner at school, wats ur elective? because i no if ur in, for instance, band than ur almost guarenteed to make friends. theres one person in my band class that has no friends and thats because she doesnt try and she has bad hygenine and, well im not going on.

[Caldus]

The only thing that is wrong with you is that you think there is something wrong with you. You just have to realize that you are very very young. I don't know ... I would say that I did not feel real, genuine love for anyone until maybe a year ago in my life. And I am almost 22! I'm not saying you're incapable of feeling the real, genuine kind of love for someone. Interesting ... when I was your age, all I cared about was video games. I wish I could go back to those days ... sometimes. No issues with women. The only issue was how to beat the boss in that game. Anyway, hang in there. You got way too much ahead of you to start worrying about this stuff so much.

[Day_Walker]

I think you need to start small. You do not have to make an effort to get people to like you. Just be the person you are.

[zerohalo]

The only thing that is wrong with you is that you think there is something wrong with you. You just have to realize that you are very very young. I don't know ... I would say that I did not feel real, genuine love for anyone until maybe a year ago in my life. And I am almost 22! I'm not saying you're incapable of feeling the real, genuine kind of love for someone. Interesting ... when I was your age, all I cared about was video games. I wish I could go back to those days ... sometimes. No issues with women. The only issue was how to beat the boss in that game. Anyway, hang in there. You got way too much ahead of you to start worrying about this stuff so much.

Ah the blissful days of playing my good ol' Sega Genesis. No worries about dating or sex or any of that stuff, just lots of killing baddies on the tv screen.

 

Don't sweat this too much, bud. I know it sounds awfully lame for me to say that, but I used to be you. My parents moved me all over the country so it was really hard to ever make friends or fit in. You'll find your stride, just try really hard to not be down on yourself. Just be you, because in 5 years (max) I can almost guarantee women will find you interesting and you'll have a close group of good friends. Trying to be something you're not, it both sucks and blows at the same time.

[tallkid345]

If you have a relationship now and it works out horribly, then there will be no one there for you afterwards. Just focus on making good friends first.

[stopit]

OP is female. lol - great difference between females and males at 15. This might be part of the problem.

 

I don't really know what to say - I felt the same way at 13, 15 and now a couple years later, more or less the same way. Time doesn't really cure the helpless romantic. I'm a loner too, out of extreme shyness. I know I approach people the wrong way - don't approach them at all! It's difficult to say if your problem is the approach (maybe try smiling more, using open body language (i.e. straight back, shoulders not hunched over, head up, arms not crossed), asking more questions rather than talking monologues, if you aren't already doing these things). But given that this is high school, I'm more inclined to assume it's the people you're approaching than the approach itself. High schoolers can be so judgmental, so unaccepting, etc. etc. You're not alone in this!

 

In any case, I think before anything, self satisfaction should come first. I've found in my own case I've wanted to have someone special to share my life with because I had no one to share my life with. Compensation is the word, I believe. What could be more validating than having someone love you? The problem is all the idealization that comes with waiting and anticipation - love becomes something it honestly is not. At least this is true in my situation - it's just too easy to con yourself into believing that it's full of grandeur and fulfillment because to think so would be unrealistic. The guy you want to be with might not end up being your knight in shining armor (not that you're necessarily expecting this, but a lot of your perceptions of love are probably based on movies and the media; I'm just trying to say, it doesn't necessarily work that way).

 

Anyhow, besides going out there and meeting people, there isn't much to do besides wait. It really helps to cut down on the idealization though; don't approach guys with the intention of squeezing out a date, but of just having a nice conversation. Let things happen on their own accord. Don't pressure anything, and more importantly, don't pressure yourself.

[Emily525]

im 16. When i stopped searching for love, love came to me. I say just wait. Everytime i seemed to give up on it, someone was there. It was very strange, even creepy, but believe me as soon as you give up for a little while, someone will notice you and start talking to you. If there IS someone your interested in, talk to them without getting too obvious that you like them. Have casual conversation and let things go from there. Dont jump in too fast and scare them off.

[Brooke657]

don't search for it, it'll find you.

[isisastaria]

Oh, sweetheart...you are trying to find love with a guy that you aren't getting from your family. The human brain doesn't stop developing until you are 21 years old! I would recommend trying new things instead of new guys. Do you like dance? Have you wanted to try art? Photography? TALK TO A COUNSELOR AT SCHOOL!! My dad died when I was 15. It crushed me. My mother was emotionally void after that. I had to make it on my own and it's hard when you have to do that!!!

 

The thing is, I ended up doing things I wished I hadn't. I also got pregnant as a teen. PLEASE DON'T EVEN THINK OF DOING THAT!!! You need some time to sort things out. Do you realize that most of the time the "outcasts" in high school are the people with the most strength and capability on the way out?

 

Think about that one, honey