My friend has a choking fettish--Is there anything I can do for her?

[astonished]

My friend (who I shall call anonymous) suffers from/enjoys Autoerotic Asphyxiation.

 

This means she enjoys choking herself while masturbating.

 

It's really rare, and because she is female, it is even more so. The ratio of females to males who enjoy this fetish is 1:50.

 

Are there any support groups or anything that I can tell her to go to? Her parents would yell at her and possibly hit her if they found out. They aren't very loving parents.

Please, let me know if there is anything I can do; she doesn't want to die one day while choking herself.

[Day_Walker]

There is probably nothing you can do that is going to have an effect. This is her choice. If you feel that obligated then inform her parents.

[astonished]

She would like to stop though. I just want to help her stop.

[doyathink]

Then why doesn't she? Is this some sort of addiction?

[astonished]

Then why doesn't she? Is this some sort of addiction?

 

Like I said in the original post, Autoerotic Asphyxiation is a choking fetish. She likes it, but she wants to stop because she does not want to end up dead. She understands that it is bad for her.

[AintittheTruth]

All you can do is be a friend. From what I have seen, the most dangerous methods of this involve the person setting some sort of "safety" default- and then something goes awry.

 

For example, a person ties a tie, rope whatever around their neck and secures it to an object that they trust will break away when they lose consciousness. Sometimes the weight of their body doesn't break the object away and there you have it- death by hanging. Of course there are other dangerous ways of achieving orgasm via this method, but hopefully you get my point.

[doyathink]

But a 'fetish' is not an addiction....and can be stopped without too much effort.

[astonished]

All you can do is be a friend. From what I have seen, the most dangerous methods of this involve the person setting some sort of "safety" default- and then something goes awry.

 

For example, a person ties a tie, rope whatever around their neck and secures it to an object that they trust will break away when they lose consciousness. Sometimes the weight of their body doesn't break the object away and there you have it- death by hanging. Of course there are other dangerous ways of achieving orgasm via this method, but hopefully you get my point.

 

Yeah, I get your point. It's kind of funny though; I thought of a break away collar (you know, for pets) as I read your post.

 

A saftey default seems better than just dying... I mean, there's that small chance of living.

[astonished]

But a 'fetish' is not an addiction....and can be stopped without too much effort.

 

True. I told her this, but she doesn't seem to understand that there is hope. It's almost irritating. She goes on abou t how she can't stop, and I tell her that she can.

 

Then again, I have an insatiable fetish for bondage, and there's no way I could ever stop.

 

Hmm... at least I have a safe word. Maybe I could be in another room when she chokes herself, and I could respond to her if she makes a certain noise. A "safe noise" perhaps.

 

I'm just thinking to myself right now, but you can tell me what you think.

[Daddy Bear]

If your friend uses only her hand to grasp her throat, and does it while on a bed or in a chair, she is in no serious danger. The worst that could happen is that she would pass out and let go of herself.

 

If, however, she uses some sort of device (like a rolled-up towel, say), or performs this act while in a place where she could strike a hard object upon fainting, she must be made to understand that she's toying with her life, and needs at least to modify her approach.

[AintittheTruth]

And I would say that finding another way to reach O is even better. Bottom line- she's playing a dangerous game.

[arwen]

I doubt that she will be in a life-threatening situation because of that but I can imagine that she wants to stop this need. Does she like to be choked while having intercourse with man? Because THAT could be dangerous if the man is not experienced I think. If she wants something to change, I think she'd be best helped by a sexual therapist.

 

Arwen

[Mythical_Suicide]

But a 'fetish' is not an addiction....and can be stopped without too much effort.

 

 

Exactly.. sorry I didnt read all the other posts so forgive me if I repeat anything but as said above if its a fetish and not an addiction then she can stop without any problems. Sounds like she doesnt want to stop but is maybe tellign you this since you are so against it. Personally, I myself enjoy asphyxiation during intercourse as it heightens arousal but my bf and I both know the limit to push ourselves. If she isn't passing out during it or is only using her hands as a "choking" method then as long as she can know her boundaries she will be fine but its when she starts using other means is when it becomes dangerous. BTW, this isnt self injury its a sexual fetish.

[AintittheTruth]

You got it Mythical.

[Hope75]

If your friend uses only her hand to grasp her throat, and does it while on a bed or in a chair, she is in no serious danger. The worst that could happen is that she would pass out and let go of herself.

 

If, however, she uses some sort of device (like a rolled-up towel, say), or performs this act while in a place where she could strike a hard object upon fainting, she must be made to understand that she's toying with her life, and needs at least to modify her approach.

 

This was my thought too.

 

How exactly does she choke herself while masturbating? Is she is holding whatever object she uses to choke herself and is not standing, and she chokes to the point of losing consciousness, she will let go of whatever she's holding and start breathing.

 

But if she's actually hanging herself or other then she could seriously hurt herself.

 

How does she do it? Have you talked to her about this?

[LetThemEatCake]

Get her to check out this link:

link removed

 

It is a support group for the family and friends of those who have died of AeA. The horror stories may make her act with more caution if she is indeed doing this in a harmful way.

 

Or try link removed

 

Both will give her an insight into just what she is playing with, and possibly the means to do it more safely if she insists.

[RayKay]

Actually, it CAN become an addiction; an addiction is an unhealthy obsession with something you cannot stop. Even fetishes can be addictions when they become unhealthy, and it is not as easy as just stopping. If you stopped working because you were obsessed with feet for example and wanted to spend all day at home looking at feet...that is an addiction. If you put your life in danger as you cannot stop doing AeA, it too is an addiction.

 

The problem with this type of fetish, is that it creates a high by depriving brain of oxygen (some do it with sex, others do it without sex/masturbation). It is this HIGH that one can get addicted too. But if you go too far, you deprive your brain of oxygen and can die, or you can suffocate/strangle yourself.

 

And people do die from it, when they push farther then they should of, or intended too.

 

Michael Hutchence, the lead singer of INXS was said to have died of this.

 

There is apparently an increasing number of kids playing the "fainting game" which does involve this without the eroticism, and some have died apparently.

 

If she is doing it only with her own hand...the threat of course is much more minimal as she will have better control of the pressure. If however she is using a rope, towel, stockings, etc to do it, that is where it gets very dangerous. Some do it with a trusted partner, but even then it is risky and you must be VERY VERY VERY careful and aware....I will admit I do enjoy it to some degree, the way my partner and I do it is if I am on top, I will lean onto his hand so I have control over the pressure and it is not actually closing around my throat...it is very dangerous to have them apply pressure from above as it does not take that much to crush your throat. I don't recommend it for anyone without a trusted partner, without safe words, without awareness, and without knowing the limits.

 

I would just ask her to be careful, ensure she is not using anymore devices to do it, and use her own hand, and just be very careful if she does choose to do it.

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

Maybe she should see a sex therapist for this.

[astonished]

This was my thought too.

 

How exactly does she choke herself while masturbating? Is she is holding whatever object she uses to choke herself and is not standing, and she chokes to the point of losing consciousness, she will let go of whatever she's holding and start breathing.

 

But if she's actually hanging herself or other then she could seriously hurt herself.

 

How does she do it? Have you talked to her about this?

 

She chokes herself using rope; she also ties herself up so that if she struggles or passes out, it will pull the rope tighter.

 

I've talked to her about it, yes.

[astonished]

Thank you so much, this is a very helpful comment. I really do appreciate it.

[astonished]

Maybe she should see a sex therapist for this.

 

Do you know how she could find one?

[Daddy Bear]

She chokes herself using rope; she also ties herself up so that if she struggles or passes out, it will pull the rope tighter.

 

I've talked to her about it, yes.

Yeah, that's WAY bad. She is putting herself in serious danger. Maybe you should tell her about this thread.

[Mythical_Suicide]

It's common for individuals in some tribes in Africa to get pleasure from doing that. In this country, however, it's generally unacceptable unless someone is looking for attention in a poor manner. I suggest that you tell that moronic friend of yours to stop getting pleasure in that way, and perhaps seek some help before she kills herself before she reaches orgasm. In all seriousness, she most likely won't die if she chokes herself with one hand and masturbates with the other, because she'll just pass out and then eventually regain consciousness (she could still hit her head on something and die though). If she's using other things to choke herself, then that can be fatal. I think that this whole thing is messed up, and u should tell her that it's wrong and to get help.

 

Just a sidenote to your post, passing out during asphyxia isn't a good thing nor do you want it to happen as if you pass out even one time is all you need for it to be fatal and the more you pass out doing it the worse off you are. So no, I dont care how shes doing it if shes passing out she needs to slack off. If a person controls themselves enough they wont pass out as I have never passed out doing this.

[pinballwizard]

She chokes herself using rope; she also ties herself up so that if she struggles or passes out, it will pull the rope tighter.

 

Your friend is an idiot. There's no nicer way to put it.

 

But I can see how this might become addicting. Her body becomes accustomed to the level of sexual pleasure the chocking brings her, and it won't settle for anything less. A sexual therapist might help, but it might not. She's probably going to have to fix this herself. The only thing you can do is tell her the truth. Its not "if" she'll hurt herself, its when she'll hurt herself. Little you can do beside that.

 

And the same goes for you and your bondage fetish.

[charley]

That rope choking and other choking is seriously scary stuff. I wouldn't choke a woman, even if she wanted me to.

 

Why don't you offer to spank her bare bottom hard with your bare hand. If she likes that, maybe she'll have an equally stimulating, yet much safer substitute. I don't think getting spanked with a hand it going to injure anyone, yet it would be quite stimulating and exciting for her.

 

There are also be any number of other sexual things she'd find exciting that are not dangerous. Find a safe substitute activity. Find several safer substitute activities. If that's not enough, then do all the substitute activities at the same time.

 

Just a suggestion. I'm trying to be helpful.