Advice requested - should I still pursue?

[rnorth]

Met this girl (S) through yahoo personals . We only had two dates. During the first date, we closed the restaurant down - great conversation, lots of eye contact. I did not kiss her, just gave her a hug. I called 2 days later and set up a second date. She seemed really excited to hear from me.

 

Last weekend we went salsa dancing. We had a great time - lots of touching, physical contact and great eye contact. At the end of the date she asked "so....(pause) we'll talk soon, right?" I responded, "I hope so!" and gave her a small kiss. She kind of giggled (didn't know what that meant but no biggy).

 

A little background about this 'S"

[*]She is a full time teacher

[*]She rights science articles once a week for a weekly newspaper

[*]She is taking two classes right now towards getting a PhD

[*]She is a triathlete, did the iron man competition last Nov. in Florida

[*]She is 33 and divorced. I don't know when her divorce occurred.

I called last Sunday, she did not answer. She called me back on Wednesday, apologized for not calling sooner. She had not been online all week; I could tell because her profile said she hadn't visited in over 7 days. She had a sinus infection, says she gets one once a month. I mentioned getting sushi and she told me I am very sweet and have been so sweet all this time. She said that she has really enjoyed my company but isn't interested in getting involved right now. I told her that I understood, given her schedule. I added that I was disappointed because I really enjoyed her company and was looking forward to getting to know her better. She reiterated that she also enjoyed my company and really had a lot of fun.... I told her that I hope to run into her again and she said she hoped so also....

 

The next day (Thursday, 1/24), I sent her this email:

S,

I just want to mention that you were very good to be candid with me. I meant what I said that I enjoyed spending time with you. With that in mind, if you ever want a friend with whom to talk, you can always feel free to keep in touch. I imagine that you already have plenty of friends - so do I - its just that I think that you are worth knowing.

 

Be well,

R

She hasn't replied, but thats not unexpected. She had told me that she rarely checks email.

 

Today, I noticed that she viewed my profile. I wouldn't usually be this interested after 2 dates, but she is so intriguing and appealing to me. I am thinking of calling her to ask her a question about running programs as a pretext for keeping in touch... I would appreciate advice, especially from the women on this board. Is there a way to contact her without seeming like a weirdo or a stalker and just making it friendly? Thoughts?

[Kalika]

I think your note was a nice touch, well written and honest.. But if you keep calling her, she may think you're not getting the message. If you do want to contact her, I'd say wait a week or two, and then tell her you're calling her strictly as a friend, no pressure involved or anything..

[Batya33]

Unfortunately, she is not that interested in you and/or not emotionally available to date right now. I smiled when I looked at her schedule - sounds a lot like my schedule for the last 15 years (except on the whole I've been busier and for the last 12 years my schedule has been far less predictable than hers) and a lot like the schedule of all of the men I have been seriously involved with - or busier - but somehow when we met someone we were sincerely interested in we made the time, even if some weeks that meant just quick phone calls every other day and a quick dinner or lunch once a week.

 

You are not being honest with her when you say you just want to be her friend - and she knows it and since she appears to be intelligent she will not "go there" with you for fear of leading you on.

 

She viewed your profile for the same reason I have viewed profiles of men I wasn't that interested in any longer (and men have viewed mine) - idle curiosity or perhaps she has a friend she wants to introduce you to or perhaps she wanted to show your profile to a friend of hers.

[Siriana]

I think you should give up. She politely said how she's not interesting in getting involved.

Sorry...

[anggrace]

I think you should leave it up to her to contact you. For sure.

[rnorth]

Thanks for the advice. I have been leaning towards what is being said with regards to her not being interested/available. My excitement was just peaked/reinvigorated by the fact that I saw she had visited my profile again. She was very appealing but just because I thought so does not mean the interest and availability can/will be reciprocated.

[Siriana]

Good luck in dating

[rnorth]

Ahh, she checked out my profile again today. Not that it matters; I have a date with someone else tomorrow night.

 

I still may call at some point because she has a knowledge base that could help me. I am preparing to run some 5 and 10 K races in the next few months and she is kind of an expert on the subject. But it still would be in a week or so, and I am not sitting around obsessing about her.

[Batya33]

Be honest with yourself - there is at least one other person who could help you with that and then you would not have to deal with developing feelings again and feeling rejected again. Why not try link removed and see if there are others with the same interest as you?

[Lansing]

Avoid contacting her... Not a good idea.... You left it open for her to contact you as a friend. If you contact her now it will look like you are making excuses to contact her...

[p_fred]

I agree.. no contact.. you are starting to appear needy and stalker-ish (okay maybe not, but close) maybe she is still emotionally working through her divorce.. let that dust settle first.. you do not want to be the rebound guy! Date others or go out with your friends.. maybe in a month or two if you haven't heard from her send an email but don't use the word "friend" ever again unless you really are not interested in a relationship with her. Learn from others mistakes