worst night of my life

[Melis]

Last night I was at a mutual friend of me and my ex's house, for a party. My ex and I just called it quits 2 days ago. Anyway yesterday he was texting me, and calling me, about nothing really, just to talk. He even changed his myspace putting me as his number 1. Long story short, yesterday night i go to our friends house, he wasn't there b/c he works nights at a bar. Well thinking everything was ok between him and I, when he gets home I walk down to his house, but to my surprise he had brought home a girl he used to work with at the bar. He answered the door when i knocked, but just told me he loved me but didn't want to be with me. I just said "well i hope shes worth it" and she responds with "oh honey im worth it." I left, and was proud of myself for going straight home, not calling, not texting, nothing. Thats the last Ive talked to him, and know that I wont hear from him b/c hes with her now...but I cant care anymore, it just hurts really bad. I want to cry but i think im to mad right now to cry. Why would he even call yesterday? Or act like he cared? I would have never thought he would have done this to me

[alitaheri]

hi and welcome...

 

i dont have a similar problem but i do want to give you support....

 

sometimes people do things you really cant explain... your ex was probably a great guy and you shared some extreme times together. As far as the "girl" saying "oh honey im worth it" disregard that becuase thats just some talking because she feels like she has to. Your ex doesnt want to deal with and he kind of blew it off because hes confused himself. People act a certain way as a defense mechanism. Hes prolly in pain himself but he wants to get over it...so this is the best way he knows how. Think about it one sec...if you were in his place what would you do... if you met some good lookin guy would you stand around or would u take that opportunity. We all do these things because we want to make ourselves feel better. we act like asses becuase we dont want to feel pain. some people are emotional and expressive...some arent.. it seems like u were the expressive one in the relationship....the best thing you can do right now...as hard as it seems...is to just let it go...youll see that eventually hell either come back to you or youll get over it...but just really...the best thing you can do is just not contact him and just let him be for a while. Think about it......whats gonna happen if you do pick u phis calls...more heartache and pain...do yourself a favor darling....forget about it....move on...ull find the right guy soon..i promise you...no doubt

[Melis]

Thanks for the support. It hurts really bad knowing another girl was in his bed last night, another girl was doing the things I was doing just days ago. He has her now so I probably wont hear from him for a long time, if at all. Im staying strong, and sticking to NC, b/c if I contact him I am just hurting myself, and clearly i dont have to worry about him calling. Im just going to keep getting on this site to get all the advice and support I can. Todays a rough day, my stomach is in knots, and i cant help but keep checking my phone. I know hes still with her, so why do i even bother....

[Hope75]

Hi Melis,

 

Ouch. I'm sorry that you had to see that- it must have been very difficult.

 

Going through a breakup is never easy, and having something like that rubbed in your face is even harder.

 

Keep in mind that we all handle grief in a different way, and for him, finding someone to fill your spot may just be a way to push off the feelings he isn't ready to face. I'm not making excuses for him, but simply trying to put his behaviour into some sort of perspective for you. I don't think she was there because he didn't love you or doesn't care about you now.

 

I would keep away from him though, no calls and don't show up at his house again. You are broken up and so it's time to do your grieving in peace.

 

Hang in there.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i am sorry to hear of your pain... it is always hard to break up.

 

lots of people go through a bumpy period immediately after the breakup, where feelings are mixed up and one day you want them back, and the next you're angry and want them gone... you after all were attached to each other, and those attachments never untangle easily.

 

so you need to focus on remembering the reasons for the breakup and don't focus on what HE is doing, focus on healing yourself and moving on. I'm sure he misses you, but is obviously willing to jump into some sex with someone else, even if it is only rebound or a one night stand for him... that is not healthy either, since both people need time to think straight...

 

No contact right after a breakup is usually recommended so that you are not jerked around day to day by this kind of thing... if he is seeing other people, then he shouldn't be using you as a security blanket and texting/calling for warm fuzzies when he wants one. i suggest you try to do things to heal yourself and move on, and don't respond to his random contacts that don't show any clear desire for reconciliation, if that is what you want... it is terrible to be in that no man's land where you have one foot in and one foot out of a relationship, so don't allow yourself to stay in limbo, force him out of contact, unless he has something new to say that shows a genuine attempt to reconcile, not just to have his cake and eat it too...

[Melis]

Thanks guys, I am sticking to no contact! Im hurting really bad right now b/c I know they are together, and they were in the same bed last night, which probably means they slept together. I know what I need to do, and I swore to myself I would stick to healing, and not worrying about him. I just cant help but wish he would text or call, but I know itwont happen. He made it clearly he wants to pursue something with this other girl. This is the worst position to be in, but I wont go by, wont call, and will just completely drop out of his life. I dont plan on hearing from him, and I think that hurts the most b/c I thought we had something so great. 3 years of my life were spent with him, and now over night he is with someone else. My poor stomach is killing me. I just wish karma worked all the time...hes cheated on everyone hes been with, even me a year ago, yet it never fails, he never hurts, he just jumps to the next girl!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

yeah, i know, it doesn't seem fair that he just jumps on to the next one like this... but people like that who lie and cheat are NOT good partners, and once you really know what they're about, you can't undo that knowledge or ever live securely with that person... it's better to spend your time looking for someone who is more committed to you and doesn't flit from girl to girl like their interchangeable parts, or toys rather than people.

[Melis]

Has anyone every watched the clock and think well i made it through another hour, not many to go and day 1 is over. I cant stop imagining them together, wondering what they are doing, and hurting b/c that was just me the other day. But i know im better off where im at, b/c hes not a guy who is faithful, he never has been, and I would have gotten hurt in the long run!

[Kalika]

Wow, that girl sounds pretty trashy to just say something like that to you. He wants to pursue her? GOOD. Grrrrreat. Let him have her. She's obviously a quality woman (sarcasm intended )

 

Let yourself get angry, vent at us, and after a while he'll be a thing of the past. Don't let the hurt of his stupidity stay with you forever. Most guys are not such creeps.

[Melis]

Wow guys! Im in complete shock right now! The man i was with for 3 years I believe now is nothing more then a con man. My roommate was still at the house last night where the party was, with my ex's mutual friends. And they told her that they were tired of him doing this, and that he had actually cheated on me more then what i new of. That he brings home random girls all the time from the bar, and that he has even lent his truck to one of the girl b/c her car broke down last week. Wow, im speechless...i want him to know i know, but i wont call, i just have to realize hes trash and move past this!

[sandyv]

Yeah Melis, I went through a VERY similar situation when I broke up with my ex, and I really feel for you. I felt at the time I'd been hit by a truck and kicked to the curb, like some roadkill.... very hurtful stuff I know.

 

But having said that, I know he is a jerk, and it had to happen sooner or later... be glad he's gone.... and yes I know it hurts, it will for awhile, you will be o.k. I'm living proof of that, I went through that kind of garbage about 4 months ago. Don't let him do it to you again....

 

Rant here, you will feel better.......

 

Sandy

[Melis]

im just in shock, knowing what i know now about him. He made our break up my fault, saying i had "problems." Because if i couldn't get ahold of him i would call over and over till he answered. I didn't trust him, and clearly for obvious reasons. I dont have problems i know this now, i was right, he was lying and cheating the entire time. He made me think i had problems to make him ok with what he was doing!

[sandyv]

Melis: Thats what they do (rotten guys) they try to make themselves justified in hurting you as they did, but deep down they know that they are idiots, and may even feel guilty in time. I know my ex does, he's tried to make amends, I'm still hurt, and prolly will stay that way for a very long time. I still love him, but thats ok, It will die a slow death (the love) I mean.... yeah it does damage to us, that kinda pain.

 

Lets hope Karma bites these guys in the butt...............

[Melis]

for real about karma! But the thing is knowing now what i know, if he tried calling me in a month from now i would never answer. He could text or call tonight i will never answer again. Hearing what Ive heard hes dead to me. Know can make me feel like i did wrong, and make me cry, and feel bad, when hes really doing everything! He cheating and lying and im calling him out on it, and im being told I have problems. I hate him, honestly, I truly hate him. I dont plan on hearing from him, but either way I can never speak to him again! Im just glad his friend decided to put everything out there for me!

[sandyv]

Yeah Melis, better sooner than later, but that doesn't stop the hurt I know. Something you said.... made that horrible night of my own come back to me. That word "shocked", god I was soo traumatized, I couldn't even cry myself. Couldn't eat, sleep, nothing... I was useless at work....

 

At least you have a good outlook on things, you sound like you won't back down, and thats all to your benefit... good for you.... doesn't feel like it right now, but believe me you'll be fine.......

[Hope75]

Melis,

 

Just remember that your best revenge is living well without him.

 

Leave the rest up to karma.

[sandyv]

Right On Hope, thats all we can do.... someone should put warning labels on creeps like these I'm thinking. Hmmm. ....

[Parsley]

I'm so sorry for what that idiot has done to you! Obviously you are far better off without him.

 

My ex let me believe I was the one with problems too. He let me change medication for it. I know that you are ridiculously angry at him right now, and you're right to hate him for what he has done to you. But be careful that that feeling doesn't fester. My friends asked me if I hated anyone the other day, and I said no. They were surprised and said "What, not even A? 'Cause...you should." Hate is too passionate a feeling for him. I don't want him to cause any kind of change in my demeanour, he doesn't deserve any of my emotions anymore.

 

Hate is not the opposite of Love - it's Indifference.

 

If you can strive towards that, you'll ultimately feel a lot better for it. Hating him won't make him change his ways, or turn back time. It will only eat away at your insides, and take up a lot of your energy. Put that energy into being an even better person than you clearly already are!

 

x

[Emmylu]

Your only problem is that you stayed with him for too long! Anyway, the past is the past. Can't turn back time. Just be good to yourself from now on. I think part of the hurt right now is that he's acting like you're so forgettable and replaceable. Don't let that get to you. You already broke up, and that's the right thing. Remember: You don't need him to be miserable in order for you to feel good. You should feel good on your own. He is irrelevant. He can sleep with whoever, and your happiness is always your own. Sometimes when people break up, they still want to be wanted by the one they don't want. Once you recognize that mentality, you'll be at peace and ready for someone new.

[Wandering_Sword]

I'm so sorry that you had to go through what you did. Keep up NC and try not to think about him, he's just not worth your time and efforts anymore. Keep posting here and we'll try our best to make you feel better.

[Melis]

Thank you guys so much for the support! My day one is almost complete, and i feel proud that i made it! Emmylu I completely agree with you, my hurt comes from believing that i can be replaced over night. While im upset about him and trying to make it day to day, hes moving on over night. It hurts a lot, and all ive done is go from angry to upset all day long. I keep imagining him with these other girls, but the pain gets less and less b/c I know if I stayed with him he would have just continued to cheat and play mind games with me! Its sad, but im managing. My poor stomach, its been blah all day, guess i just keep stressing myself out!

[alitaheri]

if you want u can im me at recklezz316 i have a friend with a similar problem...i also have some what of a problem on my own so give me a message at AIM recklezz316 maybe we can chat melis

[Melis]

thanks, im trying to set up aim...i have a name, just haven't downloaded aim on this computer yet!

[Melis]

i have a quick question, what do you guys make about him moving me from on anywhere on his top friend on myspace to #1? Even when we were together i was never #1..why would he do it now? He even put me infront of the girl that hes seeing now, the girl i got the pleasure of meeting last night.

[Melis]

sorry thats suppose to read "What do you guys make about him moving me from not even in his top anything on myspace to #1 in the last two days?"