Would you be crushed?

[Anotherday]

I've been on and off with someone and think I hit the wall. A few nights ago he told me my phone calls are no more important than anyone else's and then reiterated that the following day and told me I was no prima donna.

 

I was having a panic attack of sorts and called his house thinking he'd be there for me. His roommate answered and all she said (like so many times) is...can he call you back, with no explanation as to why he could not take my call. I got upset and asked him to get on the phone going forward to tell me himself he'd call me back. I've known him for one year and never been to his place (he won't let me) nor met the roommate. I don't believe they have anything going on, but why can't I see where he lives?

 

To complicate matters, I am bipolar and also just quit drinking recently after a short hospitalization for detox. I try to check myself to see if I am overreacting all the time. He tells me my issues make him act as he does and that he doesn't have my issues, which is true. Nonetheless, he has told me I am stupid on more than one occasion and calls me names like doofus and dingbat. He's stood me up (in the past) and never celebrated my birthday (and I was very nice for his) and never takes me anywhere (he's taken me to dinner twice in 10 months and I've cooked a LOT for him). The other day he told me he is high maintenance, which I take to mean a one-way street with me doing all the giving.

 

Any opinions are welcome, but I feel he is mentally abusive so that is why this post is here.

[renaissancewoman101]

I think you should leave him and he's no good for you. He's taking you for granted, and the more you do for him, the more he will treat you badly and take you for granted. You've gone through a lot with your bipolar disorder and your drinking issues. You don't need to be adding to that mix with a bf who treats you badly and refuses to talk to you or be there for you on your terms. Everything has to be on HIS terms. That is NOT a relationship. He is using you as a doormat.

 

For your own good and for your own sanity, leave him.

[Anotherday]

I think you should leave him and he's no good for you. He's taking you for granted, and the more you do for him, the more he will treat you badly and take you for granted. You've gone through a lot with your bipolar disorder and your drinking issues. You don't need to be adding to that mix with a bf who treats you badly and refuses to talk to you or be there for you on your terms. Everything has to be on HIS terms. That is NOT a relationship. He is using you as a doormat.

 

For your own good and for your own sanity, leave him.

 

Thank you, I agree. I am not drinking now so he can't tell me he didn't say such and such any longer. I told him I won't be his doormat yesterday and also had told him a while back he takes me for granted. Since you said the same things, I know I am not crazy, even if I do have that label.

 

Tonight was tough and I really thought about drinking, but did not. I am just hanging on by a thread these past few nights, with regards to my not drinking. It is so hard.

[renaissancewoman101]

Good for you for not drinking. Sometimes we have to go headfirst through the pain in order to get better. I know it hurts a lot and feels tough and IS tough, but post on here and read other people's threads on here and get some inspiration from that.

 

A lot of people post on here to get support while they are struggling with a breakup, with personal issues, etc. This is a great support site and the people here are awesome.

 

Welcome aboard.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Nonetheless, he has told me I am stupid on more than one occasion and calls me names like doofus and dingbat. He's stood me up (in the past) and never celebrated my birthday (and I was very nice for his) and never takes me anywhere (he's taken me to dinner twice in 10 months and I've cooked a LOT for him). The other day he told me he is high maintenance, which I take to mean a one-way street with me doing all the giving.

 

Awww, I'm sorry to hear that you are having a rough time. But I have to say, he's horrible to you - why are you with him? I think he's going to make you feel worse and worse about yourself, is that any way to live your life?

 

It's hard to let go of someone, no matter how awful they are, but for your own wellbeing I think you have to do that. He sounds mean and cruel, and undermining you. And it's really bad for you.

 

Have you got a good friend/family support network where you live? I think you should call on them right now to help you through this, because I think you do need to completely cut him out of your life straightaway. No one decent behaves like that, or could behave like that.

 

Keep posting here.

 

Take care!

[Anotherday]

Awww, I'm sorry to hear that you are having a rough time. But I have to say, he's horrible to you - why are you with him? I think he's going to make you feel worse and worse about yourself, is that any way to live your life?

 

It's hard to let go of someone, no matter how awful they are, but for your own wellbeing I think you have to do that. He sounds mean and cruel, and undermining you. And it's really bad for you.

 

Have you got a good friend/family support network where you live? I think you should call on them right now to help you through this, because I think you do need to completely cut him out of your life straightaway. No one decent behaves like that, or could behave like that.

 

Keep posting here.

 

Take care!

 

Thanks. No I do not have a support group, but being here in this forum helps. I almost forgot what happened in December. I'd given him a very nice ring and he accused me of stealing it. He spent the night here and then woke up and accused me. He called me a f'ing lying sack of sh*t over that one. He kept calling me telling me "it had better turn up" and that he'd be over later to find it. I tore that bedroom apart, only to have him call me the next night and tell me it was in his pocket. Of course, I really drank over that one. This is probably the worst thing he ever did to me. The ring meant so much to him, according to him, and yet he said those things to me. Does not add up.

 

I am going to end it for good. I've been reading some abuse stuff and it doesn't get better. Most of the time they never seek help, as they don't think they have a problem. They just blame it on the person they abuse. It's sad, but happens far too often. I really do feel better about ending things now, and am so happy I did not drink tonight, as I'd feel horrible about it (it's been 27 days now) and he's not worth it.

[LovelyPetal]

Please leave him. You deserve much better.

[FCTex]

Do you try and control your panic attacks, and your bi-polar disorder?

 

I'm dating a girl now, who was so clingy, and would have these panic attacks and just lose it sometimes.

 

I couldn't handle it, and didn't want to. Thats WAY too much for me to even comprehend trying to work out.. I was having a night out with my guy friends, drinking, and playing around, and she's called me on several occasions, have a panic attack so bad she couldnt breathe. so bad she's be screaming at me, cursing me out, wanting to me to drive an hour on the highway DRUNK, to come talk to her..

 

Luckily, we talked about it, and I've made some concessions that I don't even get to see my friends very often. She's can't handle being "left out"..

 

Tada, no more panic attacks.

 

I think while in your situation your boyfriend is very manipulative and takes for granted what you do- I also can't discount the fact you DO have some problems that don't neccesarily help in fixing any of the mess.

[Anotherday]

Yes, but no one signs up for my issues. They just are. I do take the medication I am prescribed and go to support groups. I normally don't ask much of him, but that night got to me. As things stand, I'll know better next time. I'll deal with it on my own.

 

I can understand that panic makes someone want to yell, but I can see how getting cursed at would not be good. Does your GF take any meds or receive any type of therapy? My panic attacks set in at 19 and have come and gone over the years. I do avoid certain situations (bridges, tunnels, and the like), so mine are usually pretty scarce in terms of number of panic attacks.

 

I'm a big believer in psychopharmacology. Back then, they didn't have all the fancy drugs they do now, so I sort of suffered through things by myself. Nowadays, there are so many resources to help out with psych issues and the stigma around them has dropped off (not gone, but lessened). That is a step in the right direction.

[gemini30]

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. You must be pretty strong to be detoxing and dealing with your bi-polar disorder....AND dealing with what appears to be a loser. When I was with my abusive ex, I too was dealing with being bi-polar and addicted to drugs. I started seeing a therapist regularly and was finally willing to let it help...and let me tell you, 6 years later, I am a TOTALLY different person. If you can, I would highly suggest getting a therapist that you are comfortable talking to. I would also try my very best to not call the guy anymore or take any of his calls or attempts at reaching you. I have a feeling that if you totally ignored him, you would be hearing a whole lot from him....and if you can ignore him through his constants attempts, it will be a great feeling for you to know you have finally taken back your power! Just a suggestion. However, you need to know that you are worth SOOOOOOO much more than this guy. He is a loser and you deserve far more than what he has been giving you. YOU are what is important...you need to take your power back for you, b/c he does not deserve one ounce of your energy. Good luck...and stay strong!

[FCTex]

Keeping your mental health underwraps really helps with keeping the tension not only off you, but your significant other.

 

My GF doesn't take anything for it. I think she takes stuff for depression, and the like.. But I think she just has problems from her past and such that caused her panic attack.

 

It was enough that night I was mere moments from destroying our relationship.