And I called him a name

[agualibre777]

So I broke things off like two weeks ago with this guy cause he wasn't wanting to commit to a relationship, but I really liked him, I made that clear. We have yoga together and I see him. He's done some things that make me think he is selfish and doesn't care about me, but I listened to his words instead of his actions, that he cared, was my friend and so on.

 

We were being friendly and on Wed I invited him for food after yoga and he had acted all weird about it and rudely flaked on me, quite suspiciously, after this girl was hitting on him in class.

 

Anyways, at yoga today, he was partners with her even though he is three times his size and never even wanted to be partners with me even though I'm the same size as him. He was all flirting with her. Agh!! Then she waited for him outside of class and I saw them get some food together at a bakery nearby. I was in my car and turned around and passed him and asked him if he was sending me my picture in the mail? and he said yes, he looked kind of surprised, and I said or you can bring it to class. he had this big smirk on his face. and i said , rolled up the window and drove off. I was sooooo pissed off at him and wanted to make a point to her that **yes** we were involved together, and **yes** he is flirting with you right in yoga class with me....

 

Agh, I KNOW I shouldn't have done that!!! But I was sooooooooooooo pissed. He really did play me and break my heart. Now he is calling me. Funny that now he makes a point to call me when he didn't call me before. Hah. I am sure I ruined that opportunity with the girl. GOOD. I know, I'm from the ghetto, not in the ghetto anymore, but it's still inside of me!

[Honey Pumpkin]

Maybe you should try going to a different yoga class? I don't think I would like myself to be that worked up by a guy, although I can understand where you're coming from. But you know, give yourself a break and don't be around him. That might help ease it for you?

[Daddy Bear]

Sorry that you're unhappy, but you broke up with him. What did you think would happen?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

yeah, you broke it off with him, but it is kind of crass to be picking up women right in front of you, maybe he was going for a bit of payback there...

 

anyway, switch yoga classes, go into NC with him, show him you are soooooo over him... really, if i treated a guy with respect and broke up with him and was trying to be pleasant friends with him and he responded this way, then it would just make it even easier to walk away from him, because he is disrespecting you...

 

besides if you walk away now, you had the last word, and it was a doozy!!

[Hope75]

You broke it off with him two weeks ago because he didn't want to commit. So now he's dating someone else.

 

I'm not sure what you really expected.... he already indicated to you before that he didn't want to commit, so you ended things with him.

 

Sounds to me like that makes him a free agent to see whomever he choses.

 

Wouldn't you agree?

[agualibre777]

I **absolutely** agree that this makes him a free agent. He already WAS. But the thing is, he KNEW how strongly I had felt about him and he did this in my yoga class, knowing I see it, right in front of my face. It WAS crass.

 

On top of that on Wednesday, when I invited him for dinner he blew me off in a very rude way, pretending he was coming over and then calling me a half hour later to say he had a headache. I gave him an opportunity to back out with an email saying... "hey, if you don't want to come let me know"

 

Keep in mind, this man is also the man that said to me he could have sex with me with out a condom if he wanted. He also said to me on Wednesday that the "more clothes I take off in yoga class, the more friends I'm gonna make". The man can get women anywhere pretty much, so does he really **have** to do it in yoga?

 

On top of which, I can just see him engaging with this girl and repeating the same thing, meet girl, flirt with girl, make her feel special, tell her nice things, have sex with her and THEN tell her you don't want a relationship. AFTER you've already been having sex. He's a jerk and I'm not going to apologize to him.

 

I have several friends in my yoga class that I've invited to join, it's literally five minutes from my house and the hours are perfect with my schedule. I am going to keep going to this studio and just hope he changes studios.

[Hope75]

To be honest the guy sounds like a jerk, with little to no respect for women.

 

BUT.... he seems to have been clear from the start that he didn't want a commitment with you, he said those tasteless comments to you, and yet you went ahead and flirted with him and slept with him anyway.... so did you think about what may happen after that since he didn't want a relationship with you?

 

He really doesn't owe it to you to not flirt with anyone else in his yoga class because you slept with him (without a commitment!), and he doesn't really seem like the type who would refrain simply because it might be in bad taste.

 

A classier guy might have been that considerate- but I can't help but think you knew what kind of guy he was (at least from your posts it seems pretty clear) and you went ahead and took a chance, and got burned.

 

It sucks, yeah, but he can do what he wants now with whom he wants- and frankly I think you are better off having put him in your past anyway.

[secretdarkness]

Hey agualibre,-- What is the deal with dating these days? It seems like it has turned more into a "Game" than ever before... when I was out there dating back in the day, sure the same stuff was going on, but it seems to have greatly increased now. Everything is a "Power-Play", like who can "Get-Over-On" who in the most controversial way.

 

I think you did the right thing by saying something like you did!!! Let the new chick realize she is with a Player' who is only trying to add her to his score-card.

 

BTW, Great Job with the Yoga Class... I dont practice anymore, but it is one of my new years resolutions. When done regulary, it is "Life-Altering". I like your story.

[agualibre777]

thank you for supporting me. i was actually surprised when my roommate who is a therapist in training (and buddhist) said AWESOME when i told her about what i'd said.

 

yes, i don't necessarily think it was the best thing to do nor that all of my actions were consistent or correct. i, however, did NOT see he was such a player at first, he said *amazing* things to me about how he'd grown with me and blah blah.. he said he needed time, and also implied he wasn't sure about a relationship, but also called me so frequently and paid so many compliments that it FELT like a relationship in a way. but i knew at the same time we weren't commited so that's when i said no more sex, because i felt like i was falling in love with him. of course, now that i see his true colors, i feel none of that!!!

 

regardless of right or wrong, i don't regret what i did. i don't care what he thinks about me. he didn't care about me, never did, even though he said he did. when that girl was flirting with him on Wed and i interrupted it, later he said how what a great guy he was cause he didn't pursue her right in front of me... i mean, he couldn't, we had dinner plans!! if he did that he would have been a world class jerk, but he acted like he was doing me a favor!! honestly, he had done things that made me think he was a jerk but i was able to make excuses for him and this time i couldn't.

 

the irony of it all is that the night before when he said he'd make lots of friends, i asked him "what? you'd flirt with them right in front of me?" and he said no. but that was only if we were having sex without commitment, when i emailed him the next day saying i wouldn't do that, because of the way he'd treated me, he reacted that way, knowing fully well it would hurt me. what? would he really start something with this other girl, so i'd have to see it after every class??? i don't think you understand, he is a PLAYER. he can get a girl wherever, he can make a choice about whether he makes yoga a living hell for me or not and he obviously chose to make it difficult for me.

 

so i made it difficult for him. at the very least, she will be a bit wary of him. she may still date him, but she may realize that something is wrong... and yeah, he's angry with me and we won't be friends, but i don't need a friend like him!

 

i don't care. he had it coming to him. he is playing with fire, trying to hook up with multiple women in the same yoga class. yoga is supposed to be meditative not a meat market.

[Hope75]

I don't think what you did was right- I think you put yourself beneath him when you did that. But- if you feel good about it- that's all that matters.

[renaissancewoman101]

Hope75, why don't you think what she did was right? She stood up for herself and gave him a taste of his own medicine by telling the other girl about his skankiness. Hey, if you're gonna play, you have to suffer if you hurt others and they fight back. He was being a cad and he had it coming.

[Hope75]

Hope75, why don't you think what she did was right? She stood up for herself and gave him a taste of his own medicine by telling the other girl about his skankiness. Hey, if you're gonna play, you have to suffer if you hurt others and they fight back. He was being a cad and he had it coming.

 

Because the guy didn't want to commit to her, she knew that and slept with him anyway. She took a chance, and it didn't work out- but the red flags were there. Then she ended their casual fling because she was frustrated about him not wanting to commit. So he hooked up with someone else.

 

Yes, I think he's a dog. But I also think she had plenty of warning, and what's the point in getting nasty?

 

He didn't "owe" any type of fidelity to her-- he made that clear. He was always a free agent, and he may have behaved inconsiderately.... but he had made tasteless comments to her before and she still was with him, she knew he wasn't interested in a commitment... in essense she knew this was a possibility and she still went for it. So why now sink to that level and call him nasty names? It just seems it would have been better to rise above that kind of behaviour.

 

Her best revenge is living well without him.

[Dako]

Staying in the yoga class is an invitation to misery. He's a jerk, so you dumped him. Do you expect him to stop being a jerk now?

 

That's what NC is for.

[agualibre777]

Point 1)

 

This is the man that when he originally "seduced" me and "pursued" me, did NOT say he didn't want a relationship. Not once. He also told me I'd changed him forever, etc., etc, called me daily and talked to me for hours. You are making it seem as though it was obvious to me he was a player. I've dated players and I know what they smell like and honestly I didn't get it right away. When he made comments about how he could have sex with me without a condom, I was shocked and didn't believe what I was hearing. THAT was why I tried again, cause I figured it was some sort of miscommunication... Now I know otherwise. When he told me *after* having sex he didn't want a relationship, he said it via email in a strange way and I didn't actually understand it til I reflected on it a couple of days later and realized what it meant. By then, I'd already developed feelings for him and already had sex with him, plus he was calling so much and connecting in a way most players DON'T.

 

I don't think I did anything wrong. I was angry and now I feel sooooooooo much better. It was like popping a pimple think about it that way, now I just feel relief and absolutely no inclination to write or call him.

 

Point 2) I am going to go to my yoga class because it is only 1 mile from my house. Every other place is a 20 minute drive, plus I'd have to go in the morning but the schedule doesn't give me time to shower. The place is the most affordable studio in the area, it's close, I have three of my closest girlfriends going there with me!! So really, I'm rather hoping he doesn't come. I DON'T want to see his slimy butt.

 

Anyhow, I agree I shouldn't have got angry. I don't disagree with that. I also completely see your point Hope, I didn't play everything very consistently and with a whole lot of foresight, I thought he was the most amazing man I'd met in years when I met him, but I was wrong.... Apparently.

 

Point 3) I absolutely will absolutely live well without him. And take some of the lessons I learned from him with me too!!