Heartbroken

[Hubbys_glitter_is_gold]

well me and my boyfriend live in two different states, he's in Florida going to school and im in South Carolina. We've been going together for awhile now. WE met online 5 years ago, 2 years later started talking on the phone, and we just met up last june. We only get to see eachother every 3 to 5 months for a couple of days. Well ive been here in florida with him a week Sunday and i have to drive back home Saturday morning. I hate doing this because it hurts more and more everytime we have to leave each other and i end up heartbroken and crying, alone in my bed for like 2 days. sometimes even more.

We have about a year and a half before we get to move in together but i dont think i can keep taking this. This long - distance thing is killing me slowly and my heart is aching. We dont get to see each other holidays because he works(seasonal) and when he's not working hes in school. I just hate having to miss him so much and it hurts. Its going to be a long ride back to South Carolina and he doesnt want me to cry in front of him again but i dont think i can help but to. I dont know what to do and breaking up isnt an option. I dont know if its that i need advice or i just lack an exciting life.

Does someone have any GOOD advice on this?

[dacanay]

Hi, look. i am glad you dont consider breaking up as an option, If you do you'll just feel much worse than you do especially when you reach that ONe year mark, Youll think "If only i coulve waited for him" you'll realize that a year and a half just breezed through, And this might sound silly but a i read an article that the cure or secret for long distance relationship is *drum roll* Phone sex! think about it, dont comment about it, just think about it, try it and do it, you'll feel much more satisfied.

 

Maybe you miss him so much is coz you got nothing going on with your life right now. FInd a hobby, do stuff that makes you happy, chill with friends anything that could get your mind of him for awhile,Live your life..You're only gonna live for maybe 60 years..LIVE YOUR LIFE. and dont build your life around him, its a turn off atleast dont show it to him. and before you know it..you'll be sleeping next to each other

 

Oh, You just dont live an exciting life, your life is boring..your life SUCKS! so..what are you gonna do about it?! cry, whine? HELL NO! you get out there and find things that make you hapy, doi you have a passion for something? work on that

 

i hope this could help you

[Hubbys_glitter_is_gold]

umm..phone sex? he's suggested that and tried that but it only made things worse. then it only caused more problems because sexual frustration SUCKS * * * * *. The last time it happened i started doubling up my shifts at work and stressed myself out and shot up my blood pressure. Im too young for HBP. Its so little to do in my town. its a small yet peaceful town and i pretty much keep to myself. I dont keep female friends in person because they cant be trusted all the time and my b/f is thejealous type so i canceled all male friends in person also. Ive been working on my building plans for my business but the m ore i work on it the more i think about him because we were working on it together.

This frickin sucks whwen you dont know what to do to stop something. He knows about me building my life around him and im doing that because out ofall the people ive trusted he was the only one that was true to me and only me. i cant even depend on my family i was all by myself before i met him. He's my backbone. He feels the same way but he has a bit of an advantage because his family is involved in his life. The more i try to stop thinking about it the more things remind me of him. We have everything in common so everything id o or look at reminds me of him, the love of my life.. I dont think much can help me but to be with him. I know im a downer. Im just naturally depressed. thats my sickness and he's my cure.

[dacanay]

you need to stop thinking like that, IMAGIne if he breaks up with you. wat would you do? Kill yourself? hell no, not all women friends wil betray you, you should get close with your family, thats the reason you feel that way is coz you have no one. HE is not your backbone, How old are you? lets say you're 21 years old, assuming since you can drive already, all the more better if you're older, YOU managed to live 21 years without him or 17,18,19 doesnt matter..all those years, you managed without him.

 

YOU are never going to be here again, you only think that way becoz you allow yourself to, GET OVER YOURSELF and live life, improve on yourself and you'll feel much better, get things done. in relationships, this may be VERY hard to swallow especially for someone like you who's hella sprung over a guy..but "the one who cares less, WINS" i dont care about all your excuses how you feel sad coz he's far away and all that.. FINISH YOUR BUSINESSPLAN ANG PUT IT INTO ACTION! live your life.

 

Iam sorry to tell you this but if you keep that up, he'll grow very tired of you really fast and go for another girl, iam osrry but that is the truth, No matter how much he thinks he love you and even if you guys get married, with that kind of attitude of yours he'll grow tired of you. You have to have your own life, Be idependent, IF you're happy on your own, thats the only time you can eb happy with them, please reflect on this

 

i dont want you ruining your life when you can be having the time of your life

[Daligal83]

It sounds like you are putting all of your happiness into him. He cannot be the sole reason you are happy. That can ruin a relationship. You need to build your own life and find happiness there as well.

 

Also, I don't think you should ever stop hanging out with your friends because of a guy. If he's jealous, that's his problem to get over. It shouldn't make you miserable. And girlfriends can be the best thing in your life. I don't know why you think girls can't be trusted, but I'm thinking that you haven't met the right kind of friends. I love my girlfriends and wouldn't give them up for anything.

[Batya33]

I think you are expecting too much out of a brand new relationship- how much time have you spent together in person, total, since you met in person last June -- maybe two weeks total? Consider that it takes at least 6 to 9 months of consistent in person dating to know if you two are compatible.

 

You have said you think he is "perfect" but you have little in-person contact and dating to base that on. In my opinion, most of your relationship is based on fantasy - the image you have of him - not what he is like in person, consistently, over a 6 to 9 month period or more - so you are basing your life on these abstract notions of love and soulmates instead of on the reality of getting to know someone - which takes time.

 

Please do not move in together until you have been dating in person for close to a year where you see each other at least once a week - why put that unnecessary pressure on your relationship particularly where you don't know him well at all, in person - in addition, those visits are more like mini-vacations. Move closer to him if you want but only if you were going to move anyway, only if you can afford your own place and only if you have a stable job and are financially stable.

 

My advice also is until you can be together in person and see each other at least once a week for 6 months or so, decide that you will stay in touch as friends, see each other when you can, and otherwise make it your business to get a life of your own outside of this new and short relationship - do volunteer work, join a community theater, etc. Don't use your "pining away" for him as an excuse not to get out there and make a life for yourself - whether that means dating other people or being friends with other people, or both.

[SarahRose]

I know it is sooo hard to leave. I feel like that everytime I have to go. Get really depressed and then I make myself go on and do my life. You just have to.

 

I'm at the 4 months mark of not seeing him and this winter has been rough.

 

Is there anyway you both can fly to see each other a little more? Airfare is pretty cheap and must faster.

 

As for phone sex it would be great but it just wouldn't work as both of us live with other people and the times we are able to talk, there are usually other people around plus the phone connection is never that good.