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Letting him know you're not interested...

Weeblie

By Weeblie
in Dating Advice

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Weeblie Proficient

Weeblie

Posted
Posted

I think this is the right area to ask this...

 

So there's this guy in one of my classes. I think he's interested in me. He keeps saying we should hang out and recently asked me if I wanted to go see a movie with him on aim. I told him that I'd pass. He then said that we should definitely go see a movie one day and I laughed it off.

 

Yikes. Was that a clear enough sign that I'm not interested? I never flirt with him or touch him or anything like that. How do I send out that not interested vibe without being a jerk?

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cantexplain Community Regular

cantexplain

Posted
Posted

"you could just say, 'thanks I'm flattered but not interested"

 

guy here - no don't even say "I'm flattered". If he is smitten then just that word flattered might be a straw to grab. So now you gals are saying but shikashika said "but not interested" He could take this thought and think you are not interested in movie but how about a weekend skiing?

 

I know that sounds crazy but guys - and guys dating rules -direct us to pursue, pursue, pursue. I got lines like that from a woman for two years before we fell into a very high quality 7 year relationship - which, ironically, I broke off because I was afraid of the marriage thing at that time.

 

Without being dishonest (because this is not a life and death or personal safety issue) I'd say "I'm not interested because ... I am interested in someone else, I like you as a classmate but don't freak me out with romantic overtures I am definitely not interested in that and going to the movies with a boy like you would be that sort of thing for me sorry. I don't want this."

 

Here's one - "I already have enough friends to go with to the movies and I am not interested in dating you."

 

I know women like not to hurt someone's feelings and are manytimes comfortable with little white lies to save someone's feelings.

 

Please, trust me, the greatest favor you can do this guy is to be direct. Be polite the first time. Be less polite the second. Be downright rude the third and don't talk to him or look at him.

 

For his own good and your own good he needs to spend his energy elsewhere.

 

But hey, for the time being, you can't blame him for wondering about you, can you? He's done nothing wrong but be interested in an interesting person in his class. Good for him, I say.

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Weeblie Proficient

Weeblie

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Truthfully, I hate having to turn people down. It makes me feel bad inside. lol

 

Yeah me too. It's not easy asking someone out and I know how bad it sucks to get rejected.

 

But I kind of wonder if I'm jumping the gun too. Like maybe I'm reading more into the situation than there really is.

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p_fred Apprentice

p_fred

Posted
Posted

I don't think you were direct enough.. We guys always hear how girls like to play hard to get so they don't appear easy.

 

Tell him you have a boyfriend... I heard that line so many times and believed it... I would have rather heard a straight no as I wondered for a while if there was any single women left!

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cantexplain Community Regular

cantexplain

Posted
Posted
I don't think you were direct enough.. We guys always hear how girls like to play hard to get so they don't appear easy.

 

Tell him you have a boyfriend... I heard that line so many times and believed it... I would have rather heard a straight no as I wondered for a while if there was any single women left!

Sorry, I think it is way uncool to say this if she did not have a boyfriend .. if it is not true. I believe dishonesty always has a way of catching up with us (well, the good ones among us).

 

She doesn't need to add dishonesty to the situation and we boys do not need to suspect that we are getting dishonesty when we are asking women out - otherwise we could really be more confused than we already are.

 

I say she should honor all women and men and our inner-relations and be truthful at all costs.

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scotty77 Enthusiast

scotty77

Posted
Posted

Mmm,you turned down this guys offer of going to a movie and he still thinks you might be interested.I can't figure that out.If he asks again just say ''no thanks'',hopefully he should get the picture.Try not to be rude.There was once a girl who worked at a videostore that I was interested in.I guess before I approached her I should have found out if she had a boyfriend.Anyway,she was downright COLD to my banter,I asked her if she was going to move away after she finished university and she was like ,''I will deal with that then'' and I started to walk away and she yelled ''I will see what my boyfriend is doing''. Ouch !! That hurt !! Now it certainly was obvious to me she wasn't interested and I never spoke to the girl again but not sure she had to be that rude to me as I didn't converse with her for very long and I thought I was polite.So I guess my advice is to avoid being rude if you can and you really do not have to give an explanation as to why you are not interested in him.

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Vinny Rookie

Vinny

Posted
Posted
I always thought that going to a movie or coffee was normal friend stuff? :S

 

No wonder I stuffed up.

 

Hmmmmm... I go to movies and coffee with my female friends all the time, and I don't consider them dates. I don't know if this is just me or if it's a bad stereotype. To the original question, however, I think you just need to tell him the truth. Just because he asked you to the movies does not necessarily mean that it's a date. It could be, but who knows. I've asked girls to go to movies with no romantic intentions whatsoever. In fact, that's the only way I CAN do it, because I have trouble approaching women and asking them out on actual dates.

 

I guess what my rambling is coming to is this:

 

You should tell him the truth. Would you like to go to a movie with him as a friend? Ask yourself this honestly. If you do, then go. Don't flirt with him, don't act nervous like it's a date, just be friends. If he tries to make a move and you're not interested, let him know, as honestly as you can when it's all over, that you would love to be friends but you are just not interested him that way. He's probably not going to ask why, and he doesn't need to know. Honesty IS the best policy though. Telling him you have a boyfriend or some other lie is probably not a good idea, unless you just want to be rid of him completely, then what can I say, do whatever you please.

 

Just my 2 cents.

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Altruist Rising Star

Altruist

Posted
Posted

It's for the best if you are honest right from the start. "I am not interested in dating you" should do.

I am not dating right now and need to get my life together

Such a statement will give a determined guy plenty of straws to clutch at ("Yipeee, she's SINGLE, I just have to find ways to impress her: A bunch of red roses perhaps?"). LOL.

So you have to be downright honest. No hesitation or half-answers.

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scotty77 Enthusiast

scotty77

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Posted

I think it depends on the guy.This guy sounds pretty obnoxious so saying something like,'' I am not interested in dating you'' would be acceptable, I guess but if it is some quiet,shy guy do you really want to ripp his heart out by saying something like that.It would probably be more acceptable to say you have a boyfriend ,even if you don't.A little white lie to spare someone's feelings isn't a bad move in my opinion.

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