Not sure where to put this...girlfriend revealed her disturbing past to me

[HyruleGuardian]

I've posted about this girl before, but I'll explain it again. I met this girl a couple months ago through my sister's friend, who is actually her cousin. She moved in with her aunt in July because of a bad past. She revealed a little bit of her past before this, but I never would've thought it was this bad.

 

So, here it goes...

 

When she was younger, her parents neglected her on many occasions because they were too drunk or high to do anything. She was pretty much off on her own for most of her childhood. She lost her virginity because she was raped by a man she didn't know when she was 13. After that she would get drunk with her mom on many occasions. Her mother got abusive and even broke her leg one time. She started dating a 21 year old guy when she was 15, and they were in a relationship for 2 years. About the 2nd year in she found out she was pregnant, and her boyfriend beat her and she had a miscarriage. She later found out that she had contracted HPV from this guy. Apparently she has a kind that can cause cancer, and she goes in every 3 months to get it checked out. If it goes away after 9 months then I guess it's gone? At least that's what she told me. But yeah...

 

I was pretty shaken up after she told me but I tried to keep my composure. I told her I was really sorry and wouldn't judge her on her past, but god I feel so horrible. It's just so shocking because she's really a great girl. She's turned her life around now and is making the right decisions. I don't know what to think or do right now though...Any problem I have or had now seems so insignificant compared to hers.

[HarleyHunny]

We can always find somone who is 'worse off' than ourselves....sounds as if this gal could us a bit of professional counseling & if your relationship is serious you would benefit from seeing someone too.

 

Best of luck to you both.

[HellFrost666]

All you can do is love her and help her rise above it.

[keenan]

Lots of people have experienced scary and painful things in life. It's possible that this girl just got her allotment a bit earlier than usual...and that she's stronger and wiser and more resilient for it. Honestly, if she's the kind of girl you want to be with, she would probably prefer that you treat her with kindness and respect, but not too much shock or pity.

 

It's nice that she trusts you enough to tell you that stuff.

[HyruleGuardian]

Just makes me so sad thinking of everything she went through. I just have to realize it's in the past and she's put it behind her. After she told me, she said "I wouldn't be surprised if you don't want to talk to me anymore." I love her more than anything and want her to realize that I'm not like the people in her past, I won't just leave because of her problems. I want to help her get through them.

[HyruleGuardian]

Coming back to the topic of her having HPV, is she right in saying it could go away eventually on its own? What will it do to me if we decide to have sex? I honestly don't know much about it. If anyone can give me more information on this it would be greatly appreciated.

[ghost69]

well, she is misfortunate from what she has been through. i used to have a gf that had a broken kind of home and started having sex early on. she actually was a great girl and was very mature. i never used it to look at her in a bad way. that part about your gf shouldn't matter.

 

the hpv thing. it's just like having a wart on your hand. it is the same thing. it does go away. you might want to limit your interaction with her sexually until she gets the okay that it is in fact gone. let's say it doesn't work out and she gave it to you. it is very contagious.

[keenan]

i honestly don't know. i thought it never really went away. you should ask a doctor.

[HarleyHunny]

There is no "cure" for HPV infection, although in most women the infection goes away on its own.

The surest way to eliminate risk for genital HPV infection is to refrain from any genital contact with another individual.

HPV infection can occur in both male and female genital areas that are covered or protected by a latex condom, as well as in areas that are not covered.

 

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[candy604]

yes i guess all you can do is show her a new view on life and be the best for her. It's sad what people through and it makes you think how fortunate you are at times.

 

Sounds like she is a strong girl for getting past her chilhood.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Please educate yourself about HPV, information is available readily online... it is actually the genital wart virus and there are many different strains, some that have more potential to cause uterine cancer later in life for some women. HPV can indeed go 'dormant', but always the potential to be active, and there are treatments to eliminate it via treatments in the Dr.'s office to freeze/burn or surgical procedures, like one gets rid of warts on other parts of the body...

 

but one should use condoms until a Dr. gives a clean bill of health, since it is very hard to eradicate, and definitely if you intend to have sex with other women you might transmit it to... you actually may already be infected yourself, since lots of men are, but don't get the symptoms that women do unless they discover a visible wart on themselves...

 

also, a large percentage of the population is already infected with it by their early 20s and don't necessarily have obvious symptoms (anywhere from 30-75% depending on the statistics you read), so it is not guaranteed to cause cancer in everyone who gets it, but does increase the risk, especially for certain strains of the virus, which they can test for...

 

you can protect yourself with condoms, and especially need to use them if you ever intend to have sex with other women whom you might infect... if she has an active case, then best to be cautious so you don't catch it... there is a vaccine out now that women can use to prevent getting it, but once you have it, the vaccine is not effective.

 

lots of people have very rough childhoods and grow up to be empathetic and wonderful people because they have suffered greatly and would not wish anyone else to suffer as they have... i applaud her for being honest with you about her situation, and take your time to get to know her and see if you relationship can grow.

 

there is also a *very* small chance that she could be making up stories for sympathy/attention, but the odds of that are very very small, and you can tell more as you get to know her over time... if this is a full disclosure situation and she doesn't continue to have even grander tales of woe, then you can assume you have met a wonderful person who has survived a lot, and has the potential to be a great partner. but if the stories keep growing and changing, please be careful, because there are some people who are pathological liars who will tell tall tales to elicit sympathy... (i have met one such person, which is why i am cautious, but chronic liars can't resist the temptation to lie about everything, so you can learn that if the stories don't line up or get bigger as time goes on)...

[mysteryman22]

Everyone has something in the past that they wish to keep to themselves. In this case this was fairly serious. I know you are shaken up but it looks like this girl actually cares for you and wants to be closer (not sure if your in love). But to actually say that stuff and to share that stuff with someone requires a lot of respect and trust in the other person. She trusts you. Not sure why she told you that, maybe because it was a burden, she wanted to share everything with you and to let you know where she has come from etc. Like you said she is ok now, its in the past - thats where it should stay. Hope that helps.