Divorce, alternative in this case

[MrRight]

First of all, sorry for posting so many times and continue repeating my questions somehow. It is because you are so supportive and this situation has many implicatons.

 

I am shocked on how much an incompatible marriage + a lovely son can cost me.

 

In my case I earn a gross income $7,000+/month. I have assets in the total of 200K. It seems I would need to pay at least $700/month for my child. My major problem is that my wife and child would move to South America immediately upon divorcing. I live in Washington and I would probably be able to go to South America only every 2 years or so. Basically I would be supporting my son, but in reality living far away like that he would rarely see me again. I am wondering how the child support monthly payments normally could make a difference if ever start a new family again with another wife.

 

I could write a book about mistakes people could avoid before getting married. This situation is insane!

 

Anyone out there decided not to get divorced due to financial constraints?

[brando]

The old cheaper to keep her philiosophy. I wouldn't know. But would you be happy living your life this way?? Besides seeing your kid under these conditions, would it be an amicable relationship to continue on together?? A relationship that is a positive influence on your son?

[Ash]

Certainly, separation and divorce can apparently be quite costly. Keep in mind though that the intent of child support is to provide resources for the child that would have otherwise been provided had you stayed together. In other words, you will be paying for your child if you live together.

 

Child support is not only for food and clothing but keep in mind you have to provide a place for the child to live. The difference between a one bedroom single person type apartment and a two bedroom parent and child type place can be quite a bit per month, this is a place child support has to go. There are also extra curricular activites.

 

I gross less than you do per month. My child support obligations are more than double what yours are and I don't complain. I gladly support my kids. I'm also lucky enough to live in the same town so I see them all the time (in fact one is living at my place at the moment, the other sleep over some nights). In addition to support I generally end up buying lots of other things (boots, skates, winter jackets).

 

The difficulty I have is with spousal support, but let's not get into that.

 

Aside from support payments, the process of getting separated and divorced can be very costly if there are any difficulties or differences of opinion. We're pushing close to $10,000 in legal costs between my ex and I.

 

To answer your final question there are lots of folks who don't get divorced partly because of finances. Marriages and families are illustrations of economy of scale.

 

Don't see your son as an explicit expense. See it as providing for his eduation and well being, money that you would be spending anyway. Frankly speaking, that level of support considering your gross income is not really that big a pill to swallow. On the other hand, them moving out of country is a different thing entirely and that's the part I would struggle with. In essense, she'll be moving him away from you for whatever reasons she thinks are valid. Whether they are or not is open for discussion, but I see that as a negative. There's a clause in our separation agreement that adresses such a move. It can cause problems.

[confusedmama]

I guess I am on the other side of this equation. I am trying to collect child support from my ex. and I can tell you, that while he thinks it is too much and just got it reduced, what he was paying barely covered 1/4 of the expenses of his/our children. Your child is worth what the child support may be and he needs to know that you support him, financially and otherwise. Our children should not suffer because of the mistakes we make as parents in our relationship with one another. You could treat your child support as a fund for the future, have it removed from your monthly income BEFORE you get a chance to spend it and thereforeeee your budget doesn't include the money that goes toward your child.

 

Of course it is cheaper to keep one household but only monetarily, not emotionally and money comes and goes. It is more difficult to repair emotions than to go make more money. If you choose to get involved again you and your significant other will possibly have to make some sacrifices for you to support your son, but in my opinion, that is what parents do-we sacrifice for our children, it is our job.

 

I agree with Ash, you need to look at allowing her to remove your child out of the country. A child needs his father in his life!! More than just every 2 years, are you OK with your wife taking him? This is something to fight over, not child support. If there is no way to keep them in the country, then she should have to share the expense of visistation so you can be with your son.

[AutumnBorn]

I wasn't aware that a mother could take a child to live in a foreign country without the father's express consent. Perhaps you need to speak with your attorney about this matter. Is the issue to expense of raising your son or that you won't be able to see him?

 

If it's the money, perhaps you don't understand that is money your child needs to survive and you'd be spending that money on him even if you were still married. It's the cost of parenthood.

 

If it's the fact that your ex-wife would probably be taking him to live in another country, perhaps you should speak with an attorney. I live in Washington and as far as I know, a parent cannot take a child to live out of state, let alone in a foreign country, without the other parents consent. Your ex-wife could lose custody of the child permanently if she ignores a court order. She cannot cause an undue hardship on either you or the child unless you agree to it, as far as I know.