Yates33 Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I recently began talking to a girl...and she is a blast to talk to, we have those conversations where there is never an awkward moment and we are always laughing....I know she likes me and I like her to...the problem? She is 17 and I am 22! This is keeping me from pursuing anything further than a casual friendship. Most of my girl-friends say its fine, but thats probably because they really believe a 17 year old girl is as mature as 22 year old girl. The legal issue isnt a problem, because it is legal in NY and I don't see it as "wrong"...its just the difference at this stage (late teens/early 20's) is a big difference. what do you guys think about an issue like this? Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I dont see a problem with that age difference my bf is 7 years older than me, but if it's enough to make you question it maybe you should be careful about pursuing anything more and just take it slowly with her. Link to comment
emma34 Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I can understand your perspective. When I was 17, I dated a 22 year old coincidentally enough...now i am dating someone 7 years my senior. Personality is much more of a factor than age...so if you get along so good - why say no? personally, i don't see age as a big factor when it comes to dating. maturity is a big part of it, but even more than that is just what kind of relationship one is ready for. Some girls at 17 are ready for a real relationship while some are not. Also, it's how compatible you are in other aspects - goals, aspirations, etc. You are at different places in your life..but when you look at the grand scheme of things...shes probably graduating from high school in about 5 months hey?? That'll change everything. It totally depends on what you think...if you think shes too young, shes probably too young. but if u get along so good...i say go for it. Link to comment
HarleyHunny Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I guess if it's just 'dating' what the heck. But, I see possible problems down the road should it become serious. At some point you may be in 2 different stages of life....My ex husband is 4 yrs younger than me, when we first got together it was great, but as time went on we wanted different things out of life at different times. i.e. I wanted to concentrate on a future, he still wanted to party...Just keep in mind 17 year old girls are just that, GIRLS. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Harley, you can't always categorize 17 year old girls as just "girls" at 17 I was more than a "girl" I was raising a kid on my own by this point. So no just because one is a certain age doesn't mean squat it all depends on ones personality and maturity level. I know some 17 year olds who are more mature than say a 30 year old. It just depends on how people mature. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 In general, I think it is more appropriate for men to date women rather than girls. That isn't merely a moral judgement without any practical basis. At some point, if the relationship develops along, you will face problems because you are a young man and she only starting to learn and live as a young adult. I just think it makes more sense to date someone from your own peer group in these early stages of adulthood. For you and her. Why jump stages? It can be harmful. That's my general opinion. There is always the option of becoming good friends with her rather than just super casual. A lot of good relationships start as friendships with some time under their belt first anyhow: it's not like you must jump now straight to dating her or more. Plenty of time. Link to comment
HarleyHunny Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Harley, you can't always categorize 17 year old girls as just "girls" at 17 I was more than a "girl" I was raising a kid on my own by this point. So no just because one is a certain age doesn't mean squat it all depends on ones personality and maturity level. I know some 17 year olds who are more mature than say a 30 year old. It just depends on how people mature.Sorry, hun. Didn't mean to hit a nerve. But I disagree.....I, at 17, was on my own, worked a full time 3rd shift job and went to school all day, very mature for my age, too. But in hindsight, still just a GIRL! Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Sweetheart, a "GIRL" as you classify it couldn't have done what I did and go through the things I did and still be sane today. Ones age does not make them a Girl" or a "woman" maturity and life experiences makes one. Just because one works a job doesnt make them any more or any less a girl or woman it goes back to the maturity level. So don't try to caterogize one by their age. Link to comment
Yates33 Posted January 22, 2007 Author Share Posted January 22, 2007 Sweetheart, a "GIRL" as you classify it couldn't have done what I did and go through the things I did and still be sane today. Ones age does not make them a Girl" or a "woman" maturity and life experiences makes one. Just because one works a job doesnt make them any more or any less a girl or woman it goes back to the maturity level. So don't try to caterogize one by their age. I agree...to an extent. You can go through alot in life and be more mature than your average 17 year old, but you'll still have that "girl" in you. Back to the topic though...can anyone link me to information regarding New York State/New York City laws when dating a 17 year old at my age? Does anyone find this ethically wrong? Is something wrong with me for liking this girl? I am so Paranoid. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Yeah, but it goes to the extent of I know 30 year olds who still have that "girl" in them so are you going to tell them that just because of that they're still a girl.. No, you're not because well guess what they're 30!? What difference does it make? AS I said life experiences and maturity makes one who they are. As far as your Original post, just do a quick google on New York laws and itll be nothing to find. And as for finding it ethnically wrong, I dont see why it is if two people care about each other and love each other (not just yet for you two, but you know what I mean) Age shouldnt matter. If this girl is someone you see yourself dating and she's legal then I dont see what the big deal is. Link to comment
caro33 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Yeah, but it goes to the extent of I know 30 year olds who still have that "girl" in them so are you going to tell them that just because of that they're still a girl.. No, you're not because well guess what they're 30!? What difference does it make? AS I said life experiences and maturity makes one who they are. As far as your Original post, just do a quick google on New York laws and itll be nothing to find. And as for finding it ethnically wrong, I dont see why it is if two people care about each other and love each other (not just yet for you two, but you know what I mean) Age shouldnt matter. If this girl is someone you see yourself dating and she's legal then I dont see what the big deal is. Mythical Suicide I agree that experience makes up for a lot, as well as upbringing. Hard times or major challenges also breed character and maturity. So there is no reason whatsoever why a particular 17 yr old cannot be as mature as a 22 yr old, or even a 60 yr old. But given that experience is most often gained just through ageing, and many people do not face challenges young, I do still think that your average 17 year old is still a girl, and some of them are barely more than children. There is a huge maturity spectrum here, where I think the majority fall at the "less mature" end. Over time the curve shifts to the "more mature" end. So no, I don't agree with a view that "all 17 yr olds are girls/boys" etc, but I do think that the sheer lack of experience that many of them have at that age lends them toward being the disempowered one in a relationship with an older person. Also, science has shown that our frontal lobes do not finish developing until we hit our 20s. So problem solving, judgement and coping in general, is more of a challenge for younger people. That, to me, puts most of them at some disadvantage relative to an older person. So Yates, I would suggest you tread carefully, and be sensitive to any messages you might receive about this potential girlfriend's needs, maturity and her current place in life. You and her are the best judges of what's appropriate here. Link to comment
addictedblue Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 i'm an 18 year old girl (well in 2 weeks anyway) and like a guy who is 23, so we're in the same boat. i'm the younger one thinking is he too old?? is it wrong? etc but we get along so well and have so much fun together that the fact that we're 5 1/2 years apart isn't that relevant. my advice is to go for it. i believe in soulmates and yours might happen to be a bit younger, doesn't mean you should pass her up! Link to comment
Yates33 Posted January 22, 2007 Author Share Posted January 22, 2007 i'm an 18 year old girl (well in 2 weeks anyway) and like a guy who is 23, so we're in the same boat. i'm the younger one thinking is he too old?? is it wrong? etc but we get along so well and have so much fun together that the fact that we're 5 1/2 years apart isn't that relevant. my advice is to go for it. i believe in soulmates and yours might happen to be a bit younger, doesn't mean you should pass her up! Thanks, I appreciate the comments. I am a bit scared on the legal side and honestly, what people might think, I dont see it as a big deal as a 17 year old is not a child...its a young woman regardless of what anyone says and I am still not a full grown man...I dont believe a 22-23 year old guy is a full grown man.... Link to comment
addictedblue Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Thanks, I appreciate the comments. I am a bit scared on the legal side and honestly, what people might think, I dont see it as a big deal as a 17 year old is not a child...its a young woman regardless of what anyone says and I am still not a full grown man...I dont believe a 22-23 year old guy is a full grown man.... i know what you're talking about with the legal thing. i've liked him for awhile but decided not to do anything until i turn 18 because then its totally legal. even if you don't wait til she's 18, relationships aren't illegal, sex is. and even then its only illegal if she were to sue you or something or if her parents didn't like it. and i know what you mean by being scared of what people might think. but to be honest think of all the crazy things that happen. look at the age gap relationships threads and you see stuff like 19 and 45 i mean 17 and 22 really isn't that big of a deal. people will get over it, you don't want to let their opinions stop you from having a really great relationship with someone you care for. Link to comment
Yates33 Posted January 23, 2007 Author Share Posted January 23, 2007 i know what you're talking about with the legal thing. i've liked him for awhile but decided not to do anything until i turn 18 because then its totally legal. even if you don't wait til she's 18, relationships aren't illegal, sex is. and even then its only illegal if she were to sue you or something or if her parents didn't like it. and i know what you mean by being scared of what people might think. but to be honest think of all the crazy things that happen. look at the age gap relationships threads and you see stuff like 19 and 45 i mean 17 and 22 really isn't that big of a deal. people will get over it, you don't want to let their opinions stop you from having a really great relationship with someone you care for. Thanks, very good, comforting and sound advice! Hopefully I can get over it...Ill be 23 soon and shell still be 17 for a while though! Link to comment
Spugly Fuglet Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 look up the word, "chasend" go out date and wait, that's all you will grow stronger togiver of you give it some time, sex is nice yes but don't hurry or rush to shag, larn aboit each other and see where you go, 22 and 17s fine Link to comment
addictedblue Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Thanks, very good, comforting and sound advice! Hopefully I can get over it...Ill be 23 soon and shell still be 17 for a while though! well when she's 18 she'll be the exact same person, who cares if she's 17 for awhile? Link to comment
HarleyHunny Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Sweetheart, a "GIRL" as you classify it couldn't have done what I did and go through the things I did and still be sane today. Ones age does not make them a Girl" or a "woman" maturity and life experiences makes one. Just because one works a job doesnt make them any more or any less a girl or woman it goes back to the maturity level. So don't try to caterogize one by their age. You have no idea what I meant & I don't know how to explain it any better......sorry you're mistaking my opinion for something else........IMO, mature people accept opinions for just that, they do not try to sway someone to their own. Link to comment
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