Older men and I

[purplefences77]

I'm not too great at getting right to the point but here goes...

 

My problem is this: I crush on older guys a lot. And I'm not saying that I just crush on the older ones that are straight off gorgeous to begin with, I develop the usual crush through interacting with them and getting to know them ect ect. Now, I've heard the classic " you're searching for a father figure" thing before. I have a father. A great one in fact, couldn't get along better with him. So whats up with the old men? I'm sure that part of it is how I prefer them because they come off as more mature than guys my add (which I might add usually NEVER catch my attention) but what else? This really troubles me...I mean, here I am, 17 years old, and I have the habit of developing crushes on men usually 30 and up I don't get it... I feel wrong to have these feelings ( and I've also heard the one about dating guys your own age..yeah, let’s not talk about that one. Truth is the chance of me going out with someone my age is slim. Actually, I feel more comfortable around adults than anyone my age

 

And no I’m not antisocial, faaaar from it, I just enjoy the company of adults as I like to feel understood better.

 

So does anyone know how to help me out? And one of the main reasons I’m stressed about this is that it happened again and this time my crush is a teacher of mine. Rrrrgh it frustrates me so much! To like someone but realizing you can never be with them…boy does it suck.

[Mythical_Suicide]

Crushing on your teacher is perfectly normal.. Infact im sure everyone on this planet has had a teacher crush at some point or another just don't act on it. As far as crushing on older guys 30 and up you really need to be careful, its very doubtful that a 30 year old is going to want to have anytype of serious relationship with a 17 year old girl that doesnt stem from just wanting a trophy gf or wife. So steer clear of them.

I sorta understand what you mean by the matureness (is that even a word? LOL oh well it is now!) of these odler guys but you know what there are guys closer to your age who is just as mature. Besides what positions are you putting yourself in that you're constantly around 30 and up guys? YOu can find someone CLOSER to your age that can make you just as happy./

[musicguy]

a lot of girls your age like older guys because they act more mature than guys your age..which is true and not true. There are a lot of guys who are my age and older who are still immature. Just be careful though

[addictedblue]

i know exactly what you mean! i'm 17, and in the past i had a crush on the father of the little boy i used to babysit for, a guy who was 43!!! he was married and everything, but i was convinced both parents were in their late 20s, i had no idea he was so old, i thought i was crushing on a 28 year old. anyway i had a crush on an english teacher in 10th grade and my recent one is 23. that isn't SOO bad so i'm probably going to act on it. but i understand your problem. older guys are just so much more mature, like everyone said already, they seem more of a catch than a guy our age. there are guys our age that are mature and worth dating but they're all taken! its frustrating. just chill, you'll find someone who is a bit closer. and if not, well, you're almost 18 by now, so you can eventually date anyone you want. for some reason 17 seems sooo much younger than being 18.

[Mythical_Suicide]

You do realize if you mess with this teacher his career will be ruined, right? Because even if you're legal in your area it is still considered "wrong" by the school systems and he will be prosecuted. Leave the teachers along unless you want to ruin theirs and your life.

 

And it isn't that 17 seems so much younger than 18, alot of 17 year olds (I was 17 just two years ago) are in the mind frame of "WEll if I date an older guy I will be alot cooler, and be able to do so much more than if I date someone my own age" And let me tellyou right now, it isnt a bed of roses getting mixed up with older guys who per-se want to go out to the bar and drink and guess what? His little miss princess of a girl can't go so one of the two get mad. Yes,it does and will happen and not even jsut that there are so many things that will come into conflict.

My bf is 7 years older than me and age while isn't a huge problem with us it is in the real world.

 

Just be careful girls.

[purplefences77]

Oh thank you guys so much! And yes, I could seriously ruin both the lives of my teacher and myself if anything happened...it's so hard when I'm crushing on him like mad though lol. God, getting over a crush like this is hell for me that I've gone through more than once unfortunatley...

 

It's hard for me to find guys my age worth anything though, they just come off as another pretty face...I should have mentioned this before but I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual too so geezm who knows what'll happen in my future haha. It's either older men or girls my age I guess huh?

 

Oh and Mythical_Suicide, what you said about older men not really looking for a serious relationship with younger girls, well, it's can't possibly be like that all the time right? Hey, maybe I look for the father figure and they look for the daughter figure and BAM. Heh, I don't know...

 

Well...keep posting replies guys they really help

[musicguy]

when I wqs in 7th grade I had a crush on my sub teacher and she was 23, but then I realized that there were a lot of girls my age, I could try dating. It quickly fizzled out throughout the years

[Mythical_Suicide]

I never said ALL guys were like that my dear, I was just clearly stating most guys 30 plus aren't going to be looking for a teenage bride. There is just something weird aboutt hat, Given yes if two people really do love each other than age DOESNT matter unless of course one of the parties involved is at an illegal age. Once again, I know age gap relationships do work I am in one but for the most part unless you spend alot of "quality" time with an older gentleman, the chance of them wanting more than a trophy and sex with a teenage girl is the least likely to happen. There is always someone closer to your age, never said they had to be your age but there is that one person out there you just have to give them the chance and not just jump to the conclusion of "Well I can't date this person because well he's my age" or something like that.

[purplefences77]

Great posts thanks. Guess I'll just have to see what happens...But if you guys got anything else feel free to reply.

[purplefences77]

Sooo..advances by the older man is bad and you should stay away from it...but I'm crushing hard for this guy and I can't let him go! (And no, he hasn't been getting close with me or anything).

 

I mean, doesn't anyone ever get that horrible feeling once you realize you can't be with someone, the feeling of "Ah, once again I'm alone...and my life will go on and on and on, same old things happening day by day..."? And you bury yourself in this little hole of self pity? DEPRESSION I tell you...That's what I'm feeling now...

 

It's so wrong but I want to spend every minute of my life with this man What's going on!??!!? There's other girls in the class that I'm in and it drives me crazy when they talk to him and he laughs and they obviously seem to be having a good time together...I start digging that little hole of self pity again lol...Jealous much? Big time. How can I get over this?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

well, a crush does not a relationship make! a crush is a fantasy relationship in your head, where you find someone really attractive for whatever reason, but you are not actually in a relationship with that person...

 

so crushes are frequently driven by other needs, like loneliness, or unresolved issues from your childhood etc. where you didn't get enough love or attention from a parent, and are now projecting that onto an older person you find attractive.. if you do not have a really close personal relationship with someone, it doesn't make sense to be really jealous, since you don't 'own' that person...

 

so i would try a little reality therapy on yourself... what do you really hope to get from this person, and it doesn't sound possible, like he is being friendly with people and you are taking an attraction way too seriously... if you spend time trying to cultivate relationships with people your own age, you might spend less time dreaming about someone who is more a fantasy than a reality...

[purplefences77]

Well I do try spending quality time with people my own age and see if I can develop some kind of deep relationship (and I'm talking if I was together with that person, not just friends, because I do have friends my own age of course)but I'm not really impressed by what I see...

 

My parents are older, much older than mosts parents (especially my father) but I don't know if that counts as anything...

 

And what you said about crushes being driven by things...well, I've never been in a relationship with someone before (shocking right? I find it humiliating...) so loneliness is a yes...I mean, here's this teacher who's completley great and I connect with him better than anyone my own age...Where is this going?

[charley]

Once you're 18, then it's not a problem to like older men. Don't beat yourself up over it. Why shouldn't you like what you like?

 

I read somewhere that 20% of young women polled prefer men within 5 years of her age, 40% don't care about age, and 20% prefer older men who are 5 to 10 years older, or more.

 

For a famous example, Scarlett Johannsen is 22 years old right now. Back when she was 20 or 21 she publicly stated that she prefers men age 30+.

 

You are entitled to like what you like and that's fine. Once you're age 18, then it's going to be fine with most everyone. If anyone doesn't like it after you're 18, then heck with them.

 

Don't seek external validation (approval) from others. Seek internal validation (approval) from yourself.

[charley]

The teacher thing is a problem until after you are 18 and will never again be in that teacher's classes again. After that, it's not a problem.

 

My sister was a college instructor. She married one of her students. They started dating AFTER he was no longer in her class. They've been married 3 years now. She no longer teaches, but that's nothing related to him. She no longer teaches cause she got a higher paying job elsewhere. She's still on good terms with the college.

 

P.S. - he was over 18 when they started dating. Actually, he was 25 or 26.

[purplefences77]

Sooo...my situation is still pretty much the same, but I've kind of gotten overmy teacher..well, kind of and kind of not. I still think about the guy a lot and what sucks is that the school year is soon to be over! Who knows if I'll ever see this man again!

 

I think what's really bothering me here is that I've come to see him as just another person instead of some love obsession thing but he's almost like a friend to me now and I would LOVE to keep in touch with him as you would with any other friend but...it seems a little odd doesnt it? Teacher/student relationship, I dunno, seems a little risky which sucks because that's what he is to me, a friend. Older , yes, but a wonderful person that I love to be around and talk to about anything.