More like a friend/mother than a lover?

[SFG]

Yeah, my ex said that to me the day she broke up with me. She had said that lately she felt like we were more like friends or that she was more like my mother than us being a couple.

 

Now, there were a lot of moments that I would let the dishes in my apartment build up, things like that. But, as I tried to get better at it, she just didn't seem to accept that I was making the effort. So that's where the mother part came in.

 

The friend part....I have no idea where that came in. I loved this girl with all my heart, and I did so many things for her. I wrote her emails every day multiple times at work to tell her I love her, and I always mentioned how beautiful she was in every single one of them. We had great sex, something she will easily admit. I couldn't keep my hands off of her when we're together, and I am constantly caressing her skin. I love to kiss her...and we could be watching TV and I'd be watching her instead. I don't understand the friend part at all, other than maybe the other things wrong with the relationship were making her feel distant.

 

Has anyone else had this? I don't know why I wasn't able to show her how special she was to me. What didn't I do (besides the dishes more often)?

[anggrace]

So she didnt explain why she felt that way? I think you should ask her, otherwise it will eat you up.

[SFG]

Can't ask her...we're in that whole NC mode right now. I need to let her cool off before I try to talk to her, or get back together with her.

 

I did ask her at the time. I said I didn't understand it. I got her the best Christmas gifts ever...she cried when she opened them because she said that it was the first time anybody ever paid attention to what she likes and gave her gifts based on that. Then, when breaking up she told me it was like a friend bought her those gifts. In the past, her boyfriends had money and bought her jewelry...but she told me several times before and after that she liked what I did much better, because anybody can buy anybody jewelry...but it took me to think to find her stuff that she loves.

 

I just don't get it. We were so great together. Perhaps it was because she liked to be treated like a lady, and sometimes I wasn't quick enough to open her door to her car...or maybe it was because my money was so tight that I couldn't do the little things she wanted me to do to make her feel like she was special (for example, she wanted me to get an umbrella, and I didn't get one because I didn't have the money to spare if I wanted to take her out every now and then). Maybe I just answered my own questions....but I'm just trying to figure out how to fix the problems through growth in hopes that we can get back together.

[kellbell]

SPF,

 

You love her but perhaps she loved you as a friend. That is what happened with me and my ex. I stopped loving him as a boyfriend and felt like we were pals, like roommates. She just did not feel the same as you I am afraid. I am so sorry you are going through a tough time.

 

Hang in there.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

People say all kinds of strange things when they break up with someone, and lots of times the excuse they use is not the real reason, or only part of the reason...

 

they may not want to admit certain things that make them look bad, like they are leaving because they found someone else already, or maybe she is used to guys who spent a lot of money on her or take care of her financially, and wants a guy with a lot of money... shallow, but may be who she really is... so maybe the issue isn't that she feels like your mother, but that SHE wants a sugar daddy, wants to be taken care of, not feel like she has to share financial responsbility or take care of someone else.

 

so frequently they choose things that don't reflect badly on themselves when coming up with the reason for the breakup, blame the person they are dumping, when it is really something in themselves they want to satisfy that might be shallow, or make them look really bad like cheating with someone else, etc.

[SFG]

I think you might have it right BeStrongBeHappy...I think she was trying to hurt me to justify herself somehow.

 

However, if I ever brought up that she wanted a guy who has money because she wants things and stuff like that, she would get very angry and ask me if that's how little I think of her and how shallow she is. I understand that when being with someone who doesn't make a lot of money (and she is an unemployed full time super-student) it will make things tough. Dates have to be cheap...and often you have the same kind of date over and over. Or you just end up staying in and watching TV instead of having fun elsewhere and experiencing thigns together. I know all this...but I wish she was accepting and knew that it was just temporary.

 

As for cheating...her father cheated on her mother and ultimately caused a divorce which sent her into mental problems. I highly doubt she would EVER cheat on anybody. She always said that she could never do that to me. It's not in her to do that.