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Beyond caring

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I always prided myself on being the nice guy that everyone could depend on, now I'm beyond caring. I've got a crappy car, crappy job, no way to go to college, no romantic prospects, No reason to even get up in the morning. My "friends" have pretty much abandoned me since I graduated high school and now they only call me when they want something. I'm at a point in my life where I think that if I got up tomorrow and went to work, that would be fine, but if I were dead, that would be okay too. When I think about committing suicide, I just get this overwhelming feeling of relief. I just think that afterwards, I could finally be free of the hopelessness and mediocrity that consumes my life. I know that if I had a gun handy, I would swallow the barrel without hesitation, but I couldn't do it another way, cause I would just talk myself out of it during preparation.

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How come you have no way to go to college? And do you really want to go to college? If so, what do you want to study...do you know, yet?


One more thing...there are so many opportunities for young people to get out and see the world, and you can get paid to do so. There are some incredibly interesting jobs at link removed. All kinds of stuff...from working with disadvantaged kids, to working on an organic farm, to working at a ski resort...check it out!


Your life needs some purpose right now, but no one is going to swoop out of the sky and hand that purpose to you. You gotta kind of go out and create your own purpose. And that requires effort. Now, when one is feeling depressed, I understand it's hard to muster up the energy to make that effort. But I believe you can do it, if you keep at it.


It is true that some people seem to be born with all the luck right off the bat. For the rest of us - the MAJORITY, lol - we have to create our happiness. And if so many other people can do this, SO CAN YOU.

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"I've got a crappy car, crappy job, no way to go to college, no romantic prospects, No reason to even get up in the morning"


Then change them, look at your life and say, why Im i still staying in it, I could blow my head off yes, OR! I could save some cash and go see the world 1st, I could move to a new, city, town, contry and just walk away from my old life and start a new one, A crappy jobs the same here or there so why not there!


You know its time to move of, to JUMP and just try any thing, say Summer camp work, or over seas help, The we is full jobs that just need bodys who are willing to drop there life and come help, yes the pay sucks and the acomidation mite be bad, BUT its a NEW LIFE!


why stay in your rutt, walk away and in a short time you will see more of life than any of your old mates.


GO LIVE a little,


pool all your cash and think where can this take me,

once there trust your self to make a new life there


you will be surprised just how little you need to get by,

A bed, food, and a job thats all

I know some who have gone around the world this way for years.


One guy I know used a Pupet to busk, me made cash and then moved on

he was grate, his out look on life was so new, he was free of the life trap and lived.


so befor you get that gun how about trying to get a new life ya never know it may be a life you will wont to keep.


all the best


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Maybe getting out and seeing the world beyond my city is the way to go. Maybe these suicidal thoughts are just the results of ennui. Thanks to everyone for posting, and a special thanks to scout for introducing me to link removed


You're welcome, GH. I just wish someone had pointed it out to me when I was your age; instead I ended up living in a God-awful town I hated for almost six years in a job I equally hated.


Fast forward almost 20 years later, things are much different for me now, but if only someone had pointed out to me when I was just becoming an adult, "Hey! You're depressed because you're trying to insert yourself in a mediocre life that is expected of you by a mediocre portion of society! You've actually got other options!"


My point is, you just can't squeeze a square peg in a round hole. Start looking at what you're feeling as a positive, actually...this is the self-preserving part of you saying, "Hey man...you're not cut out for a boring, mundane life. Try some different things before worrying about college, because those things may lead you on the path you're actually meant to take."

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