The fear.

[andyg]

Well, I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 8 months and about 3 months in some things happened that I would qualify as cheating. We almost broke up then but after much pleading, I gave her a second chance. Over the following 3 months the whole story of the one incident came out. There were 3 differant times that she told me the "WHOLE" story and each time, added things to it, making it worse. She told me that had she told me the whole story to start with, I would have ended things immediately. She has since cut communication with the cheatee but I'm still insecure and distant at times. The reason I haven't ended things yet is for the purely selfish and perhaps irration reason of fear of being alone. I'm a fairly attractive, very romantic guy with a great job but I still have this fear and I don't know why. What do other people do about that?

[need2bme]

The fear is normal. I am fearful of MANY, MANY things. I am learning to overcome them.

 

One thing we should never live in fear of though, is the one we love. We should not be fearful of the relationship. I try to ask myself daily, did it hurt more when she treated me as if I didn't matter (even if she didn't mean to) or will it hurt more, when she is not here.

 

The both REALLY hurt, but if she is gone, she cannot remind you of you hurting yourself. You saying it is ok to cheat. This is obviously still bother ing you and while I can understand why people don't tell the whole truth, I still cannot understand or condone cheating.

 

Only you know if you can still love her.

 

In my case, I wasn't cheated on, but I could not trust her not to hurt me. I am beginning to see that now (however little). Can you guys take a little time away from each other? Maybe that is what you need.

 

BTW, as an aside, I found I have a hard time with myself. Do you like yourself, or do you find ways to sabotage yourself?