Unhealthy bf, what to do?

[nadine_3110]

I always kinda tease my bf about his weight, nothing major and not that often. But lately, I have resolved to lose weight, about fifteen pounds. I really would like him to try to lose weight too. But I don't think it interests him that much. He is overweight though, he's 5'9" and over 200 pounds for sure. I just want him to TRY to eat healthier, not even exercise, just eat healthy. When I told him that he said that he eats healthy cereal in the morning and that I'm not always around him when he eats. But when I go over to his place on the weekends, I see fresh pizza boxes and him and his brother eat a lot of canned stuff like ravioli and all that crap. He told me that he liked himself the way he was and why couldn't I like him that way too. I felt so bad for everything I said at that point.

 

Truthfully, sometimes I'm not attracted to him at all because of his weight. But then I feel so shallow and I forget about it. I like him so much and the person he is. I don't care that much about his weight, but I don't want him to continue this unhealthy behaviour into an early grave. And I also want him to look good, not just get fatter and fatter because he really has no one to impress anymore.

 

So maybe some advice on how to approach him would be helpful, without hurting his feelings too much.

[addictedblue]

well how long have you guys been dating? seems to me for quite a while because of the face that he's so comfortable with the idea that you like him and has no desire to impress you. you like the person he is, which is good, and that's why you are concerned about his health. you could suggest dieting together, making a similar goal such as the 15 pounds you mentioned and exercising together. not anything hard, maybe a bike ride by the beach if you have a beach or a bike ride just around your neighborhood. give him a reason to want to do it, a bribe maybe. "if you at least try losing 15 pounds with me i'll ________". you know what he likes so fill in the blank. or if you know for a fact he wouldn't go for any of that maybe give him an ultimatum. "if you don't at least try, then _______". something you know he wouldn't like. you could go either way. but do SOMETHING.

[nadine_3110]

We've been dating for over 8 months. But I know I have to find something for him to do. I only see him on the weekends, I go to college, he has to work. And it's winter here, so no bikes lol!!! It's just that it's a touchy subject with him.

[xmrth]

Definitely join a gym together! Even though you see him just on the weekends, it would be something. And he could go during the week by himself. People go to the gym just to stay fit and be active-- you could maybe use the fact that it's winter there to replace the fact you can't do anything outside.

[nadine_3110]

He doesn't really have money for a gym, or so he says. I hate it that he says he can't afford it and then him and his brother go and buy this huge tv!!! They don't really know how to prioritize. I go to the gym as often as I can, and it would be cool to go together but he says he's always tired after work. He installs windows and repaird them all day. So he is up most of the day.

[easyguy]

I honestly wouldn't force it upon him. It is great that you care about his well-being, and at the root of it, likewise for him, but it sometimes all depends on how you frame the question or idea.

 

For example, if you two are at home or whatever, and you have the urge to exercise or work out, say something like, "Hey, I'm gonna go for a walk around town for a bit. Want to join me?"

 

It is non-threatening, but it gets the point accross that you want him to get more physically active and engaged. If he doesn't want to, respect his decision, and then go do what you have to do. Next time you want to exercise, ask the same question. Every time you're about to go and work out, politely ask him if he wants to join you. If the "No thanks" pattern goes on forever, ask him why he doesn't want to. Talk about it, but do not make it personal to where he will feel offended. Address to him that you are concerned about his well-being, and that he can help if he can just trust you.

 

I've never been in a relationship before, but I do know that you have to give and take, make sacrifices to make gains, and comprimise on certain things in order to be in balance with each other's needs. You're a team so to speak.

[Weary]

"He doesn't really have money for a gym, or so he says. I hate it that he says he can't afford it and then him and his brother go and buy this huge tv!!! They don't really know how to prioritize. I go to the gym as often as I can, and it would be cool to go together but he says he's always tired after work. He installs windows and repaird them all day. So he is up most of the day."

 

Their priorities are just that...their own. You feel that YOU want to lose 10-15 pounds, and have decided to make it your priority. If you are no longer attracted to him because he is overweight, then I suggest you break up with him. Why make a point of cajoling, hinting, flat out say, whatever that he could stand to lose a few pounds when he himself stated he liked the way he was....and up until some point, you liked the way he was.

 

Getting on him about losing weight will build resentment. Losing weight is a huge lifestyle change, and one he either doesn't want to make or cannot make. You start on him...and he is going to feel like you are suddenly trying to change him, and mold him into something else. Losing weight, eating better, etc is a choice HE has to make, and not one you can thrust on him.