Is my GF waaaaay too flirty?

[RoseKnight]

I've been in a relationship with a girl for going on four years now, in the past she has had 4 infidelities, but claims that it hasnt happened in a looooong while. she openly admits to being flirty with guys but says its nothing but it still bothers me. There is one new friend in particular that she's made in the past few months that is bothering me. She told me the other day that when they hung out her hands were cold so she put them inside his shirt to warm them up. This bothered me to no end and when i asked her very nice and calm to please refrain from doing it she gets all defensive about "Me making insinuations about her friends" hell she hasnt even known him a fourth of the time that she's known me. not only that but she confessed that she liked him a litte bit and was disappointed when he found out and told her that it would go no further than them just being friends. Still i can't help wondering. like one of my friends said before, "if she cheated on you 5 times then dude you seriously can't trust her all that much and you need to get outta that crap"

[aymee_lee]

Ok, this is a weird situation. I have a bf and I have plenty of male friends so I see no problem with this. However, that does not seem to be the issue here.

 

Why on earth was she disappointed that this other guy only wanted to be friends? And more importantly, why would she tell you this? Do you have an open relationship? Was she flat out telling you of he possible intention to cheat?

[RoseKnight]

no our relationship is very exclusive (well i've held up my end anyways), and i have no idea whether she was telling me that or not.. and i have no problem with her having guy friends at all. most of my friends that are girls hang around a big group of guys, its just she has admitted to being very touchy feely and in some ways i think it may definitely be damaging the relationship, but everytime i try to talk about it she gets defensive about her friends and doesn't try to listen to what i have to say about how it makes me feel

[Altruist]

I'd end the relationship if I were you, or at least back out for a while. She's manipulating you and trying to make you feel jealous. She feels that she can control you and has become so comfortable in the relatioship to the point of being arrogant. If she cannot respect your feelings, then maybe its time for you to take a stand and move on.

[aymee_lee]

I am very touchy feely as well, and often in conversation will touch my friend's thighs or arms (both guys and girls). I am also very talkative and often if I go out to a club with my friends I will find myself talking to complete strangers for hours on end. My bf knows I am like this, and has no problem with it. In fact, he is also quite a talkative person, probably not the extent I am though.

 

The reason that this works for us is trust. My bf knows that if I'm talking to someone ele it doesn't mean I'm cheating on him. He knows that if I'm touching somone else doesn't mean I'm cheating on him. And he is ok with me being who I am. However, if my bf had a real problem with me doing this, and I felt his opinion was valid, I would do something to correct it. That's not to say that I wouldn't have male friends etc...but sometimes you can't see how much your actions are hurting another and I think it's fair to compromise.

 

The reason we probably get along and don't worry about this is because I have given my bf no reason to believe there is anything else to it, and he is the same for me. But your gf has broken your trust by being unfaithful. And she has to accept that you are going to have a hard time trusting her. I'm sorry to be harsh, but she's managed to make you feel like you have no right to question her at all, when she's the one in the wrong. I guess one could argue that you need to forgive and forget or get out of this realtionship, because really, without trust your relationship will never survive. That being said, if I cheated on my bf four times and he was able to forgive me, I would put in a bit more effort to prove I was trustworthy. And I don't think having your hands up another guys top who you've admitted you're attracted to is proving anything except that she's treating you like dirt and expecting you to take it.

[Siriana]

Hm, I am not shure why you are still with her. She cheated you 4 times. She thinks of you as her doormat.

[Northalius]

If she cheated on you once, I'd say the same thing I'm going to say now; but... 4-5 times?! My goodness.

 

Break it off with her. Plain and simple.

 

She's obviously playing you, because she sees you're an easy target somehow, and you keep giving in to her.

 

Give an inch? They take a mile! Then two miles, then three, and so on.

 

This is a big part of self-respect. You need to learn to respect yourself enough, and stand up for yourself. If someone sees you not respecting yourself, then that gives in to their selfish human nature, so they do not respect you, and then take advantage of you.

 

Again, drop her like a bag of bricks. Yeah, I know, you might be saying to yourself "Easier said than done." But I never said it'd be easy; you just have to do it! Going to school isn't so easy for a child that first goes, after being in the comfort of their house the first 4-5 years, but they do it, and get it over with.

 

You must take the first step, and not let this girl play you like this.

[Honey Pumpkin]

not only that but she confessed that she liked him a litte bit and was disappointed when he found out and told her that it would go no further than them just being friends. Still i can't help wondering. like one of my friends said before, "if she cheated on you 5 times then dude you seriously can't trust her all that much and you need to get outta that crap"

 

Are you serious? She's saying that she would have liked to go further with this guy if he had been up for it. I'm sorry, I don't think you're exclusive. I dont' quite know what you are, to be honest, but I would be ending the relationship if I were you.

[RoseKnight]

Thanks for the words guys, don't worry.. i don't think your being too harsh. Several of my friends have told me the same thing. Thing is.. i have forgiven..on numerous occasions.. its just every time things start going great something like this pops up out of nowhere. I mean the touchy feely part doesnt bother me so much as how far she goes with it... like laying her head down in guy's laps.. or cuddling with them on the couch or some such... maybe she has worn me down using my love for her as a way to control me.. i dunno... it wouldn't be so bad if she didn't get mad at every little thing i say about it when i present my side in a very calm mature manner she just gets all uptight and defensive... without giving a second thought that what she's doing is hurting me... i mean... i love her with all my heart... and the screwed up thing is that she expects me to give up everything where i live to come live where she does... when she says that even if i move there it won't be a definite... I think i should just tell her that she needs to give me more of a reason to move to where she is rather than expect me to take things as they are and run with them. Because honestly as much as i love her.. there's just too many IFs at this point to change my entire life for a maybe

[Northalius]

Start loving yourself for a change, and break it off with this girl. You're a person too! So start giving respect to yourself, as you give it to her by being calm and mature.

 

So many people do not view themselves as a person, like they view others; so their lack of self-respect is not seen as a bad thing. But it is!

 

Love is not enough! You need wisdom to discern between when and where to cut things off.

 

There is such thing as righteous anger! And justice!

 

Could you imagine if we always forgave criminals that murdered, and robbed banks, etc. by not sending them to jail? They can be forgiven... afterward, when they serve their sentence, accept their punishment wholeheartedly, and really feel sorry in their heart for what they did.

 

Now, look at your girlfriend as a relationship criminal: She cheated on you, and is obviously now playing you! Her 'jail time' is you breaking up with her. Do it! for justice' sake.

[DN]

Here's another vote for breaking up with her.

 

And not to make you feel worse - but I think she probably won't care very much when you do. I really don't think she loves you but is simply using you.

 

You have done all you can to talk to her about this - and she is the one who is absolutely wrong but won't admit it.

[Northalius]

Yeah, whether she cares or not, at least he'll be free!

[Altruist]

Find someone who respects you as a person and forrget about this girl. My goodness, "lying on another guy's lap" while you watch is taking things a bit too far. Run from this relationship!

[cheecago]

I say grow some kejones, dump her and never look back.

 

You deserve someone better. By the way she is acting she is not in love with you. People in love don't pull those kind of stunts.

 

It won't be easy, she'll probably have someone else within the next few days but think about you in all this. Do you deserve this kind of "love"

 

My heart goes to you and keep us posted

[BeStrongBeHappy]

umm... h*ll would freeze over before i would stick my hands inside some guy's shirt who was NOT my boyfriend... and putting her head in other guys' laps?? come on now, she's treating every guy on the planet like he's her boyfriend, being a tease and seeing how far she can push it...

 

and if she's cheated 4 or 5 times, that's probably only the number of times you KNOW about, probably she's done it double or triple that...

 

i know you may love her, but she is totally untrustworthy and being very disrespectful and manipulative...

 

i think sooner or later she's gonna find some other guy she likes better and you are out in the cold anyway, so i suggest you think about what marriage etc. would be like with her. i doubt you'd even have any confidence that your children are really YOURS, could be some other guy she slept with the way this woman acts...

[Joneysnai]

i really hate to break it to you but your girlfriend sounds like... oh i won't say it. anyways, once a cheater always a cheater. i would never put my hands inside someone else's shirt because they were cold and the worse part is her being disappointed that he didn't like her? LOL what a joke. she doesn't sound like someone you can trust and you definitely deserve better. four years is a long time to be with someone so letting go isn't easy but from her behavior, if you don't get out you will definitely get hurt in the long run.

 

she claims she hasn't cheated in a long time but she obviously isn't loyal or faithful to you if she's sticking her hand up a guy's shirt. i would be very insulted and offended as well as hurt if i were you.

 

drop her please...

[RoseKnight]

Ok now i feel like this is all being set up and orchestrated... i talked to her about this today and she tells me that she sees him as a friend and that i dont have anything to worry about now, buuut she says if her feelings do start to grow then she will tell me ahead of time.. give me "fair warning" so to speak.. but seriously it all sounds like a friggen setup... kinda like easing me down to take the fall... GOD this pisses me off. i mean what the hell... who says this kinda stuff unless they are planning something ya know? Oh and heres the real kicker.. she asks me to be "Understanding" of her situation (being that he's closer than me) and asks me not to hate him if that happens... oh and she tells me that if something does happen she wants me to not feel like anything is my fault (like i would cause its aaalll on her) i told her "well what do you expect me to do just stand aside and let this happen" and she's like "well whether you try to do something or not wouldnt change whether something develops".. yeah... i love this girl with all my heart and have given her 4 years of my life and was even willing to change my whole life to be with her.. but now this is just too F-ing suspicious. i seriously smell a setup.. what do you guys think? Cause im seriously thinking DROP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Joneysnai]

she wants to have her cake and eat it too. she's telling u LIES, NOTHING BUT LIES. for her to even say all these things to you is just basically saying, this is how it is, u either take it or leave it. the more i read about this the more pissed off i get and we're not even friends! i don't like these type of people who take advantage of others feelings.

 

she has absolutely NO RESPECT for you and regardless of what she says she will NOT tell u if something more developes, trust me on that one. i bet there is even more to her story then she is telling u.

 

for her to even say that should tell you she doesn't love you. sure u may have been with her for four years but people can change in that time. what u once had u probably don't have now so u shouldn't hold on to the past. look at what she is doing to you now. bah.. i am getting too angry.

 

let that *beep* go, you deserve someone so much better, BREAK UP WITH HER ALREADY, u r seriously going to get hurt and u will hurt BAAAAAD if u don't leave this girl.

[RoseKnight]

Thank you all for the great advice, i guess it just goes to show you that even if your in constant contact with someone..talking to them on the phone every day and being completely faithful to them isn't enough for some people As much as im gonna hate doing this ive decided to break it off... its just too much and i really don't need this kind of crap in my life.. Again thank you so much to those who listened and tried to help

[Siriana]

1: Looking forward to see you in a brake up section of ena. Good luck

[rikka]

Looking forward to see you in a brake up section of ena. Good luck

 

Agreed! I am with the others who figure you deserve better than this. She doesn't deserve your time or effort. Good luck with the future and remember to take care of you!