She loves me, yea yea yea!

[Thomas from Norway]

Well, maybee I'm taking it a bit far there, but I just want to share a glimmer of hope with you!

 

If you take a look at my previous threads, you'll se that I've been throug some dark waters indeed, both inside and outside my mind so to speak. Virtually everybody around me told me that I should try to forget my ex as quickly a possible - I told them no.

 

After I had razed everything good between me and my girlfriend, she broke up with me, and even after that, I managed to destroy any grounds of a friendship. About a month later, it dawned on me that I had made a terrible mistake, not only in "letting her go", but also in mistreating someone (I really love) so badly. I WANTED HER BACK, but I also wanted her to know that I was very sorry for mistreating her.

 

Patience led the way, and through giving her a long letter of apology and also time for her to digest my revolutionary new words, I hope that I've managed to establish a friendly tone again. Last time we spoke (on msn), her replies were short, and she told me she needed some NC for a while. I gave her that, even though it really hurt. Today, we had a longer conversation: We joked and updated eachother on eachother's lives. She has a remote control that's mine, and when I asked if she wanted to stop by my new appartment and return it, she said she thought it a bit too soon, but that she'd give it som thought.

 

Sigh, I can see the steps growing in distance for each encounter, and can't help feeling good about it. But I also realize that a friendship may be all she wants - I'm not sure that's something for me.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Thomas.

[robowarrior]

Firt three words of a famous chessbook are 'carefull carefull carefull. I suggest you think 3 times before you make a move, remember couples are supposed to make eachother happy not miserable.

[Thomas from Norway]

Hi, Robowarrior.

 

I couldn't agree more. We were miserable, but not because we didn't love eachother. Most of the misery was my doing - I'm sure I can change (cliché ! Read my previous posts.

 

Thomas.

[heloladies21]

My man, this method has been proven 100% not to work to win back your ex. It's a sure fire way to a lot of false hope, wasted time, and worse broken heart in the end.

 

I know there's probably nothin gyou can do to stop yourself, but as long as heard this at least once hopefully it will be a lesson well learnt.

[trident]

But I also realize that a friendship may be all she wants - I'm not sure that's something for me.

 

Any thoughts?

 

I would force yourself to think it's just friendship and not hope for more. If it goes in a positive direction, great. If it doesn't, at least you won't be crushed by the fantasy not equaling the reality.

[Thomas from Norway]

Hi, heloladies21.

 

I'm not sure I appreciate your insight. Have you even read my previous posts?

 

Thomas.

[heloladies21]

Yes I have. Sorry if you don't value my advice, but I've seen people in your situation try this exact thing too many times and it always ends the same.

 

I wanna give you more positive advice, but I don't want to lie to you my friend.

[GoingForIt_77]

Thomas, you and I are in the EXACT same boat. With my ex for 4 month. I treated her better than anyone in her life ever had (gave her confidence in herself, telling her I believe in her, am proud of her and to never take sh%t from anyone), YET, I would also be critical, question her loyalty, devotion, love, sincerity and lose my temper with her (raise my voice and once broke my towel rack in the bath)....

 

Needless to say, after 4 months of sticking by me and supporting me, non-judgemental, non-demanding, understanding, affectionate, nurturing and loving I pushed her TOO far and her fear of getting hurt OUTWEIGHED the good and she had to leave to protect herself from the man who was supposed to protect her....

 

The break-up occurred on Wednesday. Since then she has completely withdrawn and distanced herself. She was willing to keep lines of communication open (because there is still love there on her part, which was NEVER the issue according to her) by emails ONLY. She does NOT want to talk on the phone (I tried) and she does NOT want to see me in person (I tried twice)... We had a great MSN conversation on Friday night which she was open to, but the very next day I was back in her face and since then I was blocked off her MSN (not deleted)... She is still somewhat open to emails for NOW (her words), but has yet to reply to one since Thursday night.

 

Of course I love her and I KNOW I lost control and mistreated her at times.. I am seeking help now, but don't want to lose her completely.

 

Right now she is scared, confused, hurt and my pressure has not helped. She was open to MSN, but I ruined that... I am the type of guy who wants it ALL right NOW and I push, push, push.... She is too scared to be with me, because she can't see past what I did, even though she still loves me with all her heart and so, I have to go at HER pace, which is tough to do. The dynamic has changed, but patience and respecting her and YOUR ex is CRUCIAL my friend if we want to SHOW them with our ACTIONS that they can begin to trust us again, even if they say they DON'T want to anymore..