Her feelings toward my possible career choice confuse me

[abcjmt]

Thank you for your time forehand, long read.

 

Background

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years and are engaged for 1 year of that. We still live with parents but are trying to gain good paying jobs to get out of the houses. Lately we have been doing walk in temporary jobs, and started to do some assistance jobs when we can. She started to assist this one chocolate maker for about 38 days now and I started with a photography studio: 24 days for me. Before we started to apply for assistance jobs and before we accepted these, we discussed it all before. She was all right that it was a photography studio.

 

Now I know she dose not like photographers and photography in general. She said once “Photography just dose not interest me.” I do, I am really into it and its quite the hobby of mine. Though she has not minded when I was making photographs when she was there, even got to take a few of her that she though were good. She hates how she looks on film. But she has never had a problem with me taking photographs or doing anything related to photography.

 

At that photography studio, I started out doing labor things just moving stuff. But did get to help with the photo making a bit and he let me take a few my self, and liked how I did. And let me help shoot for 2 days. Now he is thinking about taking me on a wedding shoot as a second. I was excited, I love photography and always been thinking about becoming a professional at it. The way the pro I assist is going on he thinks I could do it.

 

Here is the thing though. . .

 

I came home the other day to tell her that I would be a second photographer at this wedding and that I might be able to become a professional photograph, and that’s a job I wish to try. And she listed really well. . . but I could tell something bothered her, because she was really quiet, no questions and all.. . so I asked her what was wrong and she said nothing. So I let it be for then. And asked latter to have a discussion about it. Well

 

Seems she did not like the idea of me possibly becoming professional photographer. She said that she don’t know how she would handle that, and she did not like it.

 

So I said I would not do it and cancel it and look for another job. But she said don’t do that, that she knew it makes me happy and I should continue that, and not to mind how she feels

 

well I said something like its okay if it bothers its okay I can do something else that don’t bother me, I would rather not do something like that to not have it bother her.

 

Well she came off with this line, “Don’t let me take away your dream, if that is your dream go do it, don’t worry about me, I learn how to deal with it. I would rather have you happy doing something you really enjoy than to not be able to do stuck with stupid me.”

 

I was shocked and settled it there and helped her feel better, she gotten a little depressed.

 

Latter she brought up was I still thinking about taking that wedding assignment. I said no. and it began again, some of the same lines as above. But also, asked here what part of photography bothered her, I stared with wedding because I know she dose not feel cameras should be in holy places. And tried to ask each area as if it bothered here or not. Like nature, children, architecture and all. Well she said that none of them bothered her.

 

And said this line “You know something dear, I always hated(never uses hate) that about you, even back when you toke photos for the school year book back when we where not even friends I absolutely hated that about you! Makes me just want to walk out and dump your sorry * * *!”

 

I was shocked and she ended it right there by taking a bubble bath with the door shut and locked. (herd the locked part. Usually leaves it open when no ones to be home for a wile)

 

Well she came out an hour or two latter and never bought it up again since, 2 days now, I have tried but she ends the conversation very quickly. But she still her, very affectionate and loving, could never tell this all happed.

 

I am lost, the wedding is in a week, and I need to say yes or no by Friday. I got a feeling she is not far from walking out right now. I don’t know if I just should stop with photography all together, I would do that in a hart beat if I were not afraid she would walk out because I killed a hobby of mine for her. Or should I bring it up again, or what.

 

What do you all think. I am good for anything from selling all the camera stuff I have and never thinking about it again, or continuing it. My thing is I want to still be with her, and her to be happy.

 

Thanks for you thoughts and feelings, anything is welcome even if its though it is welcome here. Anything at all please

 

Thanks for reading, I should be able to respond about 9PM tomorrow night.

 

Thanks.

[xmrth]

SAY YES. Absolutely say yes-- do not pass up that opportunity.

 

She's blinded with jealousy-- She doesn't like you to do things that are outside of your relationship, plain and simple. Taking pictures for the year book is fun! She doesn't want you to have fun because you're not having fun with her!

 

Don't give up your dreams to make someone else happy-- you'll never be happy that way. I'm sorry to say this, but I'm surprised you are even questioning this... really. You'd really pass that up because she's jealous you're doing great and fun things that don't involve her? That's absurd.

 

She'll get over it, but she's not going to until she sees where you're standing. I just can't believe she said that to you about you taking pictures for your year book... that's ludicrous.

[shikashika]

from what you've said, she sounds absolutely ridiculous!!

 

How can you not want your loved one to be in a job they enjoy! I think thats most people want... to get paid for something they love.

 

Even if photography does not interest her I don't understand why it bothers her if its something YOU enjoy doing.

 

I've dated guys who were accountants and computer nerds.. I would slash my wrists if I had to do those jobs ... I have never thought what my partner does for a living to be any kind of problem (unless he was maybe a hitman or something!)

 

Lastly...i think being a photographer is downright sexy!!!!

[heloladies21]

I'm sorry my friend, but this is only a small part of a way bigger problem.

 

Your gf thinks you have no self confidence and no ability to stick up for yourself and this spells doom for the relationship. Seen this happen so many times, it's an absolute deal breaker.

 

The only solution is for you to do some self improvement work with the goal of developing some self confidence so that you can start worrying about yourself #1 and not be afriad to tell her when she's being controling, inconsiderate, ridiculous etc. But if you have strong feelings for her which I suspect you do, then it's gonna be impossible to accomplish cause your emotions will always get in the way.

 

I know there's probably nothing you can do to alter the way you act at this point so I'm not sure what else to tell you. You will eventually get dumped/cheated on. As long as you know it's coming.

[abcjmt]

Yeah that’s the thing I don’t understand exactly, its not like I am becoming a male stripper or anything like that. I just don’t understand why she wants to end it just because I do something she hates. Lol not like I am doing street lounge or anything dangerous either.

 

I run this though my head a million times and as much as I hate to say it I don’t understand her. Though it might be the 5-12+ hours I would work some days, but I worked a job for about 2 months that was 12 hours a day 6 days a week and that did not bother her.

 

I often wonder if it’s the fact that I would be taking pictures of people or something…

 

Thanks again for your posts keep them coming please

[xmrth]

I can tell you my boyfriend works more than 12 hours most days and it does not bother me. It's his job and it's what he wants to do and he's going to be spending the rest of his life doing it.

Not even 5 hours, but 8-12+ hours is a STANDARD work day. You want to have money, trust me. You want to do something you'll want to do, trust me. This is your life-- do you want to get stuck at some crummy job you'll hate not making barely enough money to survive on your own?

 

I really don't think it's because you'll be taking pictures of people... it's because you'll be having fun and exciting experiences and she's not part of it.

I would say maybe a little more than 6 years ago, I started to feel jealous that my boyfriend was starting to get jobs and starting to do different things. Things people our age were just beginning to experience and I had a hard time at first realizing that he was just going to have to go through the experience of having his first job and opportunities without me, and being freshman in high school at the time, even a little jealousy of him making more friends than me.

Just all those new things. It took me a while to get over it, because I realized its something everyone does and that for him to be successful and go anywhere at all, he's going to have to do it just like eeeeeverybody else. Me, too.

 

I think what's really critical is that you're both in your 20's... and I'm talking about when I was like 14 and 15. I'm not saying you have to have that "my way or the highway" attitude, but you've got to stand up and do what you're going to do. Photography is exciting and you'll go to so many places and meet all kinds of people.

 

Now is THE time to get into what you're going to do for a living. For a living. And this job is giving you a golden opportunity to open new doors for you which is what you need in order to get out there and make that into a career.

 

What would she rather your job be?

[abcjmt]

Thank you Xmrth, now there is a question I should of thought of lol. What would she rather me do for a living. I don’t know going to ask that one asap.

 

Though I don’t know if this will pan out is the thing, I could assisting for years or just until the photographer thinks I know too much. After all if I did become a pro I would become his competition but that’s a different topic.

 

To be honest, been thinking about it today and made up my mind I will go with it and if she wants to be with me though it then good, if not well her choice. Tell you what even if it was just assisting for some years, $150-$400 a day assisting sure beets making $140-180 doing temp work a week.

 

Thank you all, going to go with it.