Developing an unhealthy obsession over ex, that scares me!

[Scorpio8647]

I don't know if I'm mentally losing it but I don't think it's healthy for me to have my life consumed with thinking about my ex. I can't seem to move on and it's going on two months. Crazy as it is, it seems the more days that go by, the more I think about him. The problem in the beginning was that I see him more like a drug therapy for me, I was too dependent on him.

 

Before I met him I was horribly depressed, I had no life nor did I have any friends. I felt like no one understood me and there he came. I was happy for the 8 months we were together, I finally had someone that loved me and related to me. But I threw that all away because of my trust issues and he got tired of me and broke up with me, told me to never contact him again.

 

Of course once that happened, I completely lost it because I was at ground zero again alone. I know people on here told me to move on and be happy without him but it is sooooooooo sooooo hard! No one made me laugh,smile the way he did,no one paid attention to me the way he did,he made me feel loved and appreciated. That's all I wanted out of life! All I ever gotten was verbal abuse by my friends,parents and no one was there for me. Everyone always ignored me.

 

Tonight I lost it and called him. Suprisingly he picked up the phone and responded to me. At first he was very responsive to me and we carried a conversation about how I was and then we talked about him for a minute. But then the anger seemed to get to him. He started to get furious and he was like "Didn't I tell you to never call me again?" I tried to apologise to him and I told him that I was sorry for not trusting him and snooping through his things.I sounded so pathetic,but I was like I know we can never have a relationship but I'd like to be friends.He basically responded that it was over and we have nothing to talk about and he hung the phone up in my face.

 

I don't know, it hurts but I don't get it. At least we talked for awhile before he blew up in my face.It seemed like he was coming around until the anger came back to him. I just don't know how to be happy without him. I'm trying to focus on me but it's hard when I'm so miserable and lonely.I was soo alone and desperate tonight that I deserted to calling him, after I did so good with 2 months and no contact. Now I feel stupid for what I did. I don't think I care for the guy, it seems like it's turning more into an obsession and it frightens me alot. I feel worthless and alone without and I just can't cope...

[audrey28]

i'm sorry things suck right now. i am going through a break up myself. just hang on and do things that will take your mind off him. you said he's like a drug therapy. it's very big of you to admit that. perhaps the best way to go about this is to replace this therapy with something more productive...maybe a balance of meeting new friends, trying new activities you never tried before, or even traveling alone. i can relate to your loneliness to some extent. i live in a foreign country and i have very few friends here. now that i have broken up with the bf, i plan to turn acquaintances to friends, go swimming more often, have a makeover, take a trip in a couple of weeks and basically just fake it til i make it. of course, there are times when it gets really lonely and i am tempted to call my ex....i just let the loneliness dwell when it's there. i cry and excuse myself when i'm at work, i cry in cabs, i cry at home.

 

i know everyone copes differently. and i hope u find the way that works best for you. now is also a good time to reflect on your own learnings so you don't make the same mistake in the future.

 

know that people are out there who care- family, friends, people in this forum...and that we have inner strength that will get us through this.

[confused_84]

First of all, stop your this attitude FOR GOD SAKE!!

 

you are responsible for your happiness, not ANYONE in this world. If your bf loved you, and he understood that fact that you are finding it difficult to trust him, he should have put an effort to build your trust on him.

 

Do your self a favor, pick up a diary or any paper and start writing anything small thing which makes you happy, even its the morning breeze!

 

Show your boyfriend that you can live your life without him, get urself in hobbies. If you like cooking, do that! if you like excercise, do that! do anything, you like.

 

Get yourself into gym or any strenghous excercise, which makes you tired, which takes out all your energy. It could be getting yourself into studies!

 

Read books, search online on google, how to cope up with break-up. Think you just didnt find the right guy!

 

Its better to be alone than to live with someone whom you face difficulties.

 

LOVE YOURSELF THEN EXPECT ANYONE TO LOVE YOU. Love your existence in this world and try to figure out the reason!

 

It was not your fault sweetie, your boyfriend didnt do anything to built up trust on you! Leave him!

[Bethany]

Honey, surely you realise after that that there is no going back and no matter how much you want him to take away the pain.. he can't. YOU are the one who can take this away, not him. He will never be able to make you happy, because happiness comes from within.

 

All your doing is let your anxiety get the better of you. Undertand your anxiety, notice its build up and understand that the only reason you go back is becuase your mind has talked you into believing that if you go back, he will make it all better for you. But your mind is misleading you.

 

Instead, you should 'sit' through you anxiety, letting the worse come and go without doing anything, if you do that the anxiety will ease and eventually fade.

 

If it overwhelms you and you get the urge to call again, get up and get out of the house, be with people, come here and tell us and we will help you through but whatever you do DON'T look for him to take it away, this feeling is inside you and nothing he can do or say can take that away.

 

The power to overcome this IS within you and you really dont need him to make you better or take it away, all you need is to believe in yourself.

[pinkbunnie]

hey, i came accross your post and im going through the same thing too...like anyone else in this world.......dealing with break-up is a hard thing to do and it takes time......my bf and i been broken up for 2 month too... as i had same problem as you ( trust issues and snooping around)... my ex and i still talk on and off...sometimes i get confuse cus he gives mix signals like he still cares/loves me....but who knows right........im taking it day by day and a little bit of time to get over..... i hardly contact him .. he is the one who contacts me.. at times i go crazy.. i stay up so late at night thinking about him....tempting to cal him or go see him but i stop myself..

 

you need to be strong.....i know its really hard and its not an easy thing to do...........just hang in there and in time you'll feel happy and strong.

[scsavino]

you arent worthless.

You are hurt.

And in time ..... it will pass.

 

Seek someone out to talk to.

[Scorpio8647]

Finding someone that will listen to me is the hardest. All of my friends are users, they only want to be there when it's either to hang out or if they have a problem. When I want to talk about my problems, they are quick to get off the phone or they're not listening which hurts me.

 

My problem is that I can't find happiness within myself which was my problem in the first place. I should have never jumped into a relationship and depended on anyone for my happiness. Because for the past 8 months with my ex, I was evidently living in la la land, I push back the hurt I was feeling. I think I'm just going to excercise and just try to live healthier.

 

Now I feel stupid for even trying to contact my ex. I feel pathetic right now.2006 was just such a bad year for me and 2007 isn't looking to be any better but I will try to make it better. I have to. I lost my job last year and my boyfriend around the same time so that was very stressful and depressing for me at the same time.Currently I'm on the hunt to find another job. In the meanwhile, I'm spending alot of time still home with my folks sulking and feeling miserable.

 

In time I hope I can see some sort of light!

[Donster]

Confused had the best answer...learn to love yourself first and foremost. Only then can you properly love others, and be loved by others.

 

and this applies to your friends too!

 

And even if your friends don't really want to hear about your problems any more, just remember that there is an entire ENA world who is willing to lend an ear!

 

hang in there!