Please read, I'm confused and don't know what to do

[gb2spe]

Sorry this is long, but please read. I'm in serious need of advice.

 

This girl and I go to the same college and lived on the same floor during the fall semester of this previous year and was interested in her from the moment we met. However, she had a boyfriend. Thanksgiving break comes and we both come back early from our homes and are the only 2 on our floor. She tells me that her and her boyfriend of 6 months had broken up about a week earlier. Since we are the only 2 on the floor, we start hanging out, watching movies in her room and just talking.

 

This continues for the next few weeks and the chemistry starts to build up, my interest for her grows and I start falling for her. I muster up the courage to ask her out or at least tell her how I feel, but we end up wrestling on her bed and we end up looking at each other and I kiss her. I tell her how I feel and it's one of those wow, shocking moments for her I guess. She tells me that she has an interest in me, but still also an interest in her ex-boyfriend. That night we cuddled in her bed and watched a movie, kissed some more, it was moving a little fast but I went with it.

 

The next day she tells me that the previous night was a mistake and that she was sorry for everything that happened. The explained that she doesn't know what she wants, and I tell her it's ok and am sorry for making things go so fast. That night though, she tells me she talked to her friends and they said she should give me a chance. I hang out in her room for a while and she starts flirting with me. She ends up kissing me and we end up sleeping together in her bed, staying awake until about 3am in the morning. Things get pretty intimate and almost everything but sex happens. The next night we sleep together again but nothing intimate happens, just kissing and holding.

 

The next night she goes out with her friends and sees her ex at a bar. She gets drunk and ends up saying that she likes him still. The next day we hardly talk and that night she tells me she had seen her ex and tells me that she still doesn't know what she wants and that she was sorry for everything that had happened. I was confused at this point, dumbfounded that all the chemistry we had together while hanging out over the past few months and then the few nights we spent together could all mean nothing. The semester ends and we both leave for Christmas break on kind of a sour note. She is in a completely different state, while I'm only 30 minutes from the college.

 

Over the break we hardly talk until Christmas night when she calls me to see how things were going and to wish me a Merry Christmas. The end of semester blues had kind of passed over so our conversation was good. Over the next 2 weeks we talked periodically every few days on the phone.

 

Then this past Thursday she moves back in to a new residence hall. Friday night we talk and I tell her I'm coming up to the city where the college is with a friend, and she asks me to please stop by to see her new room. We stop by and she flirts with me a little bit. I find it weird but I play along and we leave. Later that night she leaves me a message online saying that it was good seeing me and that she had missed me. We end up talking even later in the night and tells me that I need to come back up soon. We end up making plans for the next day.

 

So yesterday I go up there, we lay next to each other while watching a movie in her room. She tries to cuddle with me and at one point hugs me and holds me. Later on she tries cuddling with me again and asks me if it was bothering me. I tell her that it's a little weird and she backs off for the rest of the night. When I get home she had left a message online saying that she was sorry if she made me feel uncomfortable. I write her back explaining that I still had feelings for her and wanted to be with her but didn't want her flirting with me and leading me on when we are hanging out if she still doesn't know what she wants. I'm still waiting for a reply to that message. We haven't talked much today so she hasn't really replied to it because she says she's been busy.

 

What should I do? I'm really confused right about now after everything that's happened. I know it seems pretty obvious that she's still interested in me and likes me, but I'm not sure and maybe I'm taking the flirting the wrong way.

 

Sorry that the post was so long but the little details just seemed necessary.

[robowarrior]

Run away run away! your just a rebound guy, your not her nr.1 in her life. You deserve to be nr.1 in her life, and vice versa. And your not, and your in for a lot of hurt if she just uses you as a shoulder to lean on, while she has the ex as her nr.1 on the list. My advice is 'bail out' don't be her emotional tampon, i know love makes blind but in these kind of situations its better to put off the blindfold and be realistic about the situation. You'll only pound your own head if you don't.

[aymee_lee]

I think she likes you, but she still has feelings for her ex.

 

Also, if she is used to being in a relationship, she will be missing the holding, the kisses, the affection that came with that relationship.

 

I think her affection for you is genuine, but she doesn't know what she wants, and that will most likely end in heartbreak for you.

 

Having said that, if you want to risk it, and you think she's worth it, go for it.

 

Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all?

[Northalius]

Never fall in love, because falling always involves getting hurt. You must walk in with self-respect, logic and caution.

 

I'd tell her to let me know when she has made up her mind, and then I'd not see her anymore. You don't want to get hung up in the middle of something like this, so get out while you can right now, where your emotions aren't really attached; it'll hurt a lot less the sooner you get out.

[Budman]

Never fall in love, because falling always involves getting hurt. You must walk in with self-respect, logic and caution.

 

I'd tell her to let me know when she has made up her mind, and then I'd not see her anymore. You don't want to get hung up in the middle of something like this, so get out while you can right now, where your emotions aren't really attached; it'll hurt a lot less the sooner you get out.

 

Interesting way to put it but I agree to an extent.

 

Right now, she doesn't know what she wants.

 

Ok, here's the question for you.

 

Could you consider going down this path and accept the outcome that she may not want to be with you later on?

 

If so, cuddle with her and spend time with her. This will make her feelings grow for you, and it could possibly change later on (she just had heartbreak and it will get better)

 

It's already physical and she's already cuddly/kissing you YOU ARE DEFINITELY not friendzoned but it could be a rebound, it just depends on the girl. Also, you will have to just be ok with her talking/getting messed up with the Bf.

 

Quite honestly I never had the backbone to stay in situations like this, I'd get heartbroken which is why I would personally choose the next choice.

 

If not,

 

Tell her when you decide I'll be around.

 

It's all up to you to make the decision.

[jessicake]

mmm... tough one...

 

it does seem that she does like you... but u could be a rebound guy as well... then again, rebound guys can lead to more later on. or maybe u get to know her and realise she may not be the girl u want for a relationship.

 

ask urself what kind of relationship u would want with her. just fun or a serious one.

 

if she can commit to u, perhaps she will be able to forget her ex in time.. who knos tho. feelings and people change so fast that sometimes its hard to keep up.

[G0d]

**Warning this is what I would do It might not be the right move for you**

 

With the way she has been treating you I would play hard to get. Get her all worked up until she can’t help but sleep with you. Bang her one time real good then never talk to her again.

[gb2spe]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I think I know what I'm going to do now, depending on what she tells me when we talk again. If she says what I think she's going to say, then I'm going to tell her to let me know when she knows what she wants, and until then, I don't really want to hang out with her or anything. I'll talk to her every so often, but not much. The decision will be hers and I'll leave it at that. No matter what happens, I'll win, because: 1. I got out of it soon enough to not get my heart broken severely, and 2. She could always come back to me. I feel like I should have done this a long time ago, but whatever, now feels like a great time too.

 

I'll post again when I find something out...

[gb2spe]

Just an update...

 

We start talking again just a while ago and she tells me "sorry about the other night." I ask her what was up with all the flirting and acting interested and everything and she says "I don't know I thought it wasn't just friends hanging out." So I ask "are you trying to say you figured out what you want, or was it all just a mistake again" and she says "I don't know." So then I tell her "all I have to say is, you let me know when you figure out what you want." She replies with "you shouldn't have to wait" and I say "yea I shouldn't." To which she replies "so please don't ok" and I say "ok." Then she had to go to her meeting and the talk was over.

 

I have a feeling I messed up the other night and shouldn't have stopped her from trying to flirt with me and should have just went with it. Sigh.

 

Any advice?

[gb2spe]

bump, still could use some advice

[aymee_lee]

'So please don't wait'?

 

What do you think that means? It almost sounds like she means don't wait around for me...Or it could mean you don't need to wait I'm already here? Man, should it be this difficult?

[Budman]

first off, no you did not screw up the other night.

 

=D So don't worry about that.

 

Here's a question for you, as it can change answers

 

Do you really want to be with this girl, or is it a meh? Secondly, did she doing the breaking up (with the bf) or did the bf?

 

Now, here we go, if you want to pursue this in an active approach (which may doom the relationship or save it) I recommend this course of action.

 

"Hey, you know, I really like cuddling/flirting with you, how about we find a compromise, since you are trying to figure out what you want, why don't you give me a little bit more time so you can figure it out more. I mean, right now you know a whole heck of a lot less about me, and can't properly decide."

 

Of course women tend to defy logic soo...

 

and or

 

"Why don't we continue being flirty/cuddly because I really like to do that with you, and hell maybe a few dates thrown in too. Nothing's required of course, just like any thing in life."

 

Why do I say this, because no matter what you're not guarentee'd a happily ever after with her. Just because she doesn't know now doesn't mean she won't know later.

 

Also by staying away from her it gives her less info on knowing you, and you will not be able to compete with a BF of however long ESPECIALLY if she knows very little or hangs out with you very little. Yes, she will miss you, but how much does she know about you to miss.

 

Yes I do realize this is a drastic change from what I said before, this has a caution to it. If you will fall hard for her, and not be able to handle it just stay away, if you know you will be able to handle it, go ahead and stay.

 

Dating is playing with fire, sometimes you get burned, and sometimes you get first degree burns and need grafts...

[gb2spe]

I'm pretty sure she broke up with him, after 6 months. But I don't know. I really want to be with her. She is definitely worth more than the time.